We always hoped when Tito finally left, it would be under the best possible circumstances. We didn't really come close, but it appears the actual departure is pretty....maybe not amicable but, I don't know, whatever. Too bad he had to go. I'll miss the guy and I'll never forget what he did for us. Obviously.

In the opposite of ways-parting news, congratulations to my friend Brian and my friend Anne, in their marrying of Jen and Ian respectively, on Friday and Saturday respectively. Even though I know Brian from my CT days and Anne from my Mass days, both are getting married in the Baltimore/DC/northern Virginia general Birdland area, oddly enough.

Stay there till you get two wins.

And if you don't get the reference, you're not alone, as the media has been avoiding coverage of Occupy Wall Street. So I guess you'll have to look it up. (And please don't tell me "it's stupid because they don't have a clear message"--that's just what scared people say to try and keep you from supporting it.)

So Kim and I were eating breakfast at a diner--the one where we saw Lou Gorman once--and the owner started talking to us about the Red Sox, and how "there was beer in the clubhouse! And there was no chemistry! And Tito lost control of the players!" Now keep in mind I have avoided all sports radio since Wednesday (and for most of the season), so this was the first I was hearing about this. And the first thing I thought was how any time you lose, people look at the way you act and say that's the cause of the failure. But if you win, and act the exact same way, they'll say that's why you succeeded. Alcohol in the clubhouse? Didn't Kevin Millar have everybody doing shots of Jack Daniels in the 2004 playoffs? Same team, same manager, booze in clubhouse...win World Series for first time in 86 years. Do the same thing and lose? YOU'RE FIRED! It's so stupid.

I know the Boston sports media--especially that weasel Pete Abe--is loving the fact that we collapsed. It's gonna be a hell of an offseason for them. They can brainwash you into thinking whatever they want right now. They can run whoever they want out of town. So just remember, when you hear "everybody" saying something, try and think of what your opinion was before you heard it and decide if you wanna stick with it or go with the masses. You don't have to nod and smile when your fucking mailman says "Tito's gotta go" because he heard everybody else saying it. I mean, how many years in a row have your shit-for-brains coworkers told you it's Papi's last season? Three? They say that because they heard someone else say it, not because there's any truth to it at all.

All I'm saying is, there are gonna be more rumors this off-season than there have been in a while. I'll be avoiding all of it. Oh don't worry, I'll know exactly what EEI is saying though--I'll hear it spouted from the mouths of my canine massage therapist, my crawlspace interior designer, and my third-string horticulturalist. Yeah, they know their shit.

First of all, thank you -- whoa, as I was writing that, something clanged at the window. Thought it was the wind, but there is no wind. Looked out, and a blue jay appeared and flew up to a wire. Why do I need to tell you that? Because last night I was thinking how the whole damn division was conspiring against us, with four of the five teams involved, and I wondered if the Blue Jays were wishing they had a say too. And now a goddamn actual blue jay is apparently trying to dive-bomb through the window and physically attack me. The Hitchcockian nightmare continues. And here I thought I'd finally woken up.

What I was trying to say was, thank you, once again, 2004 Boston Red Sox. Stay with me here. I don't mean I copped out and went to bed happily dreaming of Dave Roberts and Curtis Leskanic and rolling rallies last night, pretending everything was okay. What I mean is that today, one of my Yankee fan friends e-mailed me talking about the crazy night, and, listen closely now, I was able to calmly describe my feelings and rationally converse about what happened in baseball last night, and about the Yankees' chances in the ALDS. Before 2004, I'd be in a fuckin' bunker right now, waiting till I heard the first bird chirps, or should I say blue jay attacks, of spring. No way I could face anybody, let alone Yankee fans. Especially if it was 2003, or 1999, or 1996, or 2000, or 1998.

And that's how "things are different." That's how that 2004 team changed everything. A change that can only be seen as positive. Michael Kay and a bunch of other people tried to deflect that whole amazing thing by saying ending the drought was the "worst thing" for the Red Sox (a pre-emptive defense mechanism, as he'd said it before 2004 actually happened). But it continues to reveal itself as the best thing.


And finally we get to "second of all," which is looking back at those crucial 10 minutes last night.

At 11:53, the Yanks have first and third, no outs, 7-7, top 12th. Meanwhile, the Red Sox are leading 3-2, bottom 9th, two outs. So after the recent crappiness, which came after the great start to the night, which came after the horrific September, which came after the glorious middle season, which came after the dreadful start, here we were, actually in a position to go to the playoffs, without even having to play a play-in game. Because the Yanks were almost guaranteed a run, possibly with a bigger rally to come, and the Red Sox were one out away from victory. It was probable that both games would come out right, after all this, though I knew very well how close it was to going the complete opposite way.

That's when the key moment of the season happened (edging out that triple goddamn play). Grounder to Longoria, and Golson gets caught off third base. Tries to scurry back, is tagged out. That whole inning changed right there, because now it's 1st and 2nd, 1 out. And at that very moment, Papelbon put the tying run on with a double.

Then, in rapid succession, over the next 10 minutes:

Yanks make their second out.

Pap gives up game-tying double after being one strike away.

Yanks make their third out.

Pap gives up winning hit, as a bumbling Crawford can neither catch the ball nor play it on a hop, either of which would have kept the game alive.

Longoria homers to start bottom 12th.

It was 12:03. I was able to piece the times together from my live-blogging last night, which covers the last several posts. Ten minutes. From in to out. One game had gotten to midnight thanks to a crazy comeback and extra innings. The other because of a rain delay. It would have been an incredible night of baseball regardless, but the way it all lined up, I still can't believe it. Here's to a much better 2012. Especially the September part. Fenway will turn a hundred and we'll be frolicking in the sunshine once again. And John Lackey will be somewhere far, far away.

Can you imagine--if you'd heard before this night that the Red Sox would be one strike away from winning and the Rays would be one strike away from losing...and that both games would be walk-offs...and even that is nowhere near telling the whole story of tonight. Or September leading up to tonight.

I'm glad I basically live-blogged the whole night because part of the insanity was the timing of it all. So many different things going on. What a mess this turned out to be. This still seems too perfectly scripted to be real.

We have Braves fans to commisserate with, as their collapse was completed tonight, too, with a 13-inning loss. Like I said before, I bet they think THEY had a fucked-up night/month.

Well our game suddenly ended the wrong way, on the weirdest, craziest, most fucked up night in my life as a baseball fan. All we can do now is play a one-game playoff, if the Yanks can somehow pull this out. They're tied, bottom of the 12th----Longoria just homered, line drive, just over the fence, just inside the line,

AND THE BOSTON RED SOX SEASON IS SUDDENLY OVER.

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS.

12:01: I was standing and clapping, and the save was blown. I think that's the first time this year that happened on the stand-and-clap pitch--and now a liner to left, Crawford barely misses it, tries to throw home, too late, we lose our game.

MIDNIGHT: Yanks out of it with no runs, AND PAP GIVES UP DOUBLE TO TIE GAME. KILL ME NOW. JUST WENT FROM CHANCE TO GO TO ALDS TO CHANCE OF BLOWING IT ALL. THIS IS THE CRAZIEST NIGHT IN BASEBALL HISTORY BY FAR.

11:56: Dickerson with a weak check swing for the Yanks to make it two outs, still men on first and second. Pap trying for that third out.

11:54: FUCCCCCKKKKKK--Yanks hit grounder to third, guy gets tagged out off the bag! Are you fucking kidding me? Now Pap gives up a 2-out double! Things going back and forth so fast, I am gonna have a MASSIVE HEART ATTACK

11:53: Everything still teetering, this is so fucked up! And Pap Ks him! We're one out away! Yanks, help us the fuck out!!!!

11:52: Yanks have 1st and 3rd no outs!!! Pap goes 1-2 on Reynolds.....

11:51: Pap gets the first guy. We're up by one. I have always loved Pap and love that he's in right now and wish the support I give him now could be full-on happiness style, but that other fucking game, man... But the Yanks do have the leadoff man on in the 13th.

Okay, we had loaded, one out, top 9. Double play by Lavarnway ends inning. We go bottom 9, up 3-2.

Rays had two on, one out, bottom 11, and they strand them too. They're tied heading to the 12th.

I just.... I don't know what to fucking say but I'll be sayin' some shit real soon I guarantee it. No wait, here's more. If their game was a "normal" 7-7 tie, instead of a 7-0 turned 7-7 tie, I'd be psyched right now, us up 1, them tied. Going into the night that would have looked good. But the fucking 7-0 blown lead, godDAMN. Anything can still happen at this point. I guess that's why I'm pissed. We had the cushion going for us, now it could go anywhere from totally good to one-game playoff to totally bad.

What is this? What am I doing? I see the Braves are in the 13th--they probably think their situation is fucked up, wait till they see what we're dealing with.

We just had a runner thrown out at home. We're going to the bottom of the 8th, still up 3-2. And it's just killing me because we should be happy--pressure on us but knowing we've clinched at least a play-in game. It was SEVEN TO NOTHING! Instead we still sweat immensely knowing that not only have we not clinched that, but that we might have fucking nothing! But Damon strikes out to end the bottom of the 10th with a man on. Whew. And Bard gets Markakis to start the 8th. The fuck-coaster rolls on......

(And by the way, the ESPN "announcers" are calling the game solely from the Rays perspective. I understand they're the team playing for something, but you don't have to act like you're a Rays fan giving updates to your pals, just call the damn game.)

Bottom 7: Aceves plunks the first guy on the first pitch. Gets an out on the secnd. Hits another guy on the third! After many, many timeouts and catcher visits, he's able to get teh next two. We stay up 3-2, going to the 8th.

The Yanks, in top 10, had two men on with two out, and guess who's up--Kevin Romine's kid. And he watches strike three. Bottom ten, they walk the first Ray, now Longoria's up. Still not Mariano. Have I mentioned fuck everything? We should be trying to get 6 more outs and going to the ALDS right now. This is entirely fucked up right now.

Our fucking game will fucking start at fucking 11:00. I fucking can't fucking believe fucking any of this fucking night is real, I am fucking going to fucking wake up, right? Rays still batting in the 9th. Fuck all these fucking teams. This is a joke I think. I think everything I've seen since I watched the first game of the season in the fake stats of Texas has been a weird, weird dream, I refuse to believe any of this at this point. By the way, the ESPN announcer is worse than any announcer I've ever heard. Worse than Dale Arnold. I hope this isn't really this guy's actual job. Anyway Yanks get out of ninth, they go to the fucking 10th 7-fucking-7. Fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

10:46: Two strikes! No I'm not standing, I only do that for Red Sox games. Or maybe teams playing the Yanks. Come on assholes, get this strike and let's never have to root for---holy FUCK! The guy hits a fucking home run. It's fucking tied. Fuck this fucking shit. Fuck everything. What the fucking fuck is fucking fucking fuckin fuckin I am ending this post . ANd that fucker Girardi, didn't he say he's pitch Mo one of the last two nights??? He didn't. Fuck those guys

10:45: Dan Johnson up. This guy beat us with a huge dong that one time. One more out and we control our own destiny....

10:43: Weird, I've got a live blog within other live posts. Here's Mayor Ed Kotchman for Tampa. Groundout! Two away!

10:40: Pieces of shit lead 7-6 after going into the 8th up 7-0. Gotta hold it. Bottom 9, here we go. Tenth pitcher of the game for the Yanks, Cory Wade. Zobrist up. (Our game still in delay.) Fly out! One down.

7 to fucking nothing, then, they start hitting and walking guys, they walk one in, hit one in, sac fly, then Longoria hits a 3-run dong to make it 7-6 in the 8th.

Pieces of shit. This isn't fucking happening.

Another squander for us--Papi with a ball to the wall in center. At this point I'm always pretty much asking the guy to hold at first. But he tries for two and is gunned down. Runner goes to third, but it's 2 outs. After another int. walk to AG, Lavarnway ends the inning.

Then Aceves was coming in for the bottom of the 7th, when the tarp came out. Rain delay.

Rays still have yet to score. Down 7-0 in the 7th. So their game is probably going to end before ours. And it'll be "just us" as that little girl in Mrs. Doubtfire said, trying to hold a 1-run lead to make the playoffs.

What a double play we just turned. To start the bottom of the 6th, the ump decided to stop calling strikes, so two walks made it first and second. Vlad hits one up the middle, Scutaro dives, flips with the glove to second (it seemed like he was only thinking about getting one anyway), and Pedroia makes a great turn and gets Vlad at first. Huge DP. So it's tying run on third, two outs. Then Lester walks Wieters on 4. Adam Jones up...gets him with a K! Holy shit. So we lead 3-2, going to the 7th. Runs please!!!!

Rays still down 7-0, mid 6th.

One out, tying run on third for the O's, infield in, grounder to short, and they send the man. Easy out at home, even with a non-perfect throw the only question was whether the impending bowl-over would cause Lavarnway to lose the ball, but he held on. We're through 5, 3-2 Boston.

Andruw Jones dong makes it Yanks 7, Tampa 0, now mid-5th. We have to add runs now. A grand dong of our own THIS INNING would be nice.

Scutaro with a huge bluff from third, with two outs and two strikes, causes the pitcher to balk to tie it.

Then Pedroia with a big dong to give us a 3-2 lead! And Teixeira with another dong at the same moment to put the Rays down 6-0!

Now we've got 2 on, one out in the 5th...now 2 outs as Lav flies out...Drew...with the patented weak wave (not the "sweet swing" people say he has) ends the inning.

So. 3-2 us, mid-5th. Should be a much bigger lead right now.

Devils down 6-0, end 4th.

Lester gave up a 2-run bomb to Hardy. We fucking needed to tack on last inning and we fucking failed so now we trail 2-1 after 3.

Yanks up 5-0, to 3, Rays look dead. Must take adfuckingvantage.

Mark Teixeira you magnificent bastard! Grand dong puts the Rays in a 5-0 hole!!!! I don't trust Girardi, he still may put Jeter's parents in to pitch in the 9th so no lead is safe. But it's great seeing Price sweat. The score just flashed at Camden and the Sox fans go nuts! (Don says nothing about it.) (Okay, finally Remy does.)

We're up 1-0--a Papi double play with two on was rough though--now it's up to Lavarnway after AG was walked intentionally....fuck. Strikeout. We get the run to go up 1-0 mid 3rd...but should have had more.

Yanks game going slower than ours. They scored in the first and their rookie pitcher had a rough inning but got out of it. Excellent calming-downing, Jeter, you da man! So they lead 1-0 after 1. That game's on ESPN.

We are scoreless after 2. O's had a man on in each frame. Nice DP to get out of the bottom of the second--wish I'd seen the swing, NESN had the wrong camera on the screen on the pitch. Hey, it's not like it's an important game or anything. Grind or shine, NESN producers! (They also had their score box covering the fucking heads of the batters in the first inning.)

NESN starts out with a shot of Camden Yards--on the scoreboard, you could clearly see the time: 6:10 PM, with seconds ticking next to it. Problem is, it was 6:01. Is Baltimore 9 minute ahead of us? No. Terrible job, NESN, using footage from last night. (Or 2008, for all we know.) [Edit: they also have a cam at the Trop--and that clock showed 12:59! They don't have the "live" tag on the screen, but they're certainly acting like these are live shots. They showed Papi in BP--was that from last night too? What the hell are they doin' over there at NESN?]

Lavarnway still at catcher, with Wicked Lester on the mound. Still no Youk--Aviles at 3rd, and JD is in there. And Buchholz WILL be available. Adrian has an outside shot at the batting title, but he better go 4 for 4 and hope Cabrera has an 0-fer. Not that I give a shit about that right now. Speaking of batting titles, did you hear about Jose Reyes today? Led the NL batting race by a point, bunted for a hit in his first at bat, then left for a pinch-runner. Eff that guy. Not only did he chicken out on the race, but his fans probably would have liked to watch him play one last game, since he might not be on the Mets next year. Instead he leaves the game before the seats are filled.

Know what the key is? First-ups. We've got pitchin' issues. But we've also got first-ups. We bat first tonight, we bat first tomorrow (IF necessary), we'd bat first in the first two games of the ALDS, we'd bat first in the first two games of the ALCS, we'd bat first in the first two games of the World Series. Score first, and hopefully score a lot. Play with the lead. Use this road-game action to our advantage, so that when Dustin Pedroia throws that first pitch in the bottom of the first when all the other pitchers are in the hospital, he's got a cushion to work with.

Today's the first day of 2011 where we can say that the season could end tonight. But we won't say that. I'll probably do some kind of live-blog for the game, or at least do updates, so you can read what some guy you don't know thinks.

10:44: Ground out. Win. One game left. Tied for the WC. See ya on the other side, Ray. Actually, I'll probably see ya before and during the....thing which..has...a front and back side.

10:43: 3-2 now, still standing.....come ON!

10:37: Adam Jones, 0-2 pitch coming....I'm up...visit to mound on 2-2, I'm typing while standing, it's tough....

10:34: Moving to LB mode, bottom 9, Vlad just got a single off Pap. So it's 1st and 3rd, 1 out. Pap gave up the first hit of the inning on an 0-2 pitch, which makes me want to kill. Okay, some dude up, let's get a DP to end it here. Strike one. Oh, it's Weiters. Wieters. I before e. 1-1 count now. Winning run up. Meaningless run on third. Tying run at first. The pitch... holy fuck--dribbler where we somehow let the run score but get the guy at first. AND CLASSIC ORSILLO--calls the play "NOBODY'S GONNA GET HIM!" and then they GET HIM. I've HAD IT WITH ORSILLO to the point where I'M WRITING IN ALL CAPS AND HAVE TO RELEASE THE SHIFT BUTTON TO AVOID APOSTROPHES BEING QUOTE MARKS! I am done with that guy. Two outs. Tying run on second.

"Rays had a triple play in their game!" Remy says in the 9th inning, meaning he just found out (and doesn't realize it was the KEY TO THE WHOLE GAME AND RED SOX SEASON)! Jesus fuckin' Christ, guys, wake the fuck up. NESN is just god-awful this year and getting worse by the second. Don thinks every fly ball is a home run, for both teams, and that every ball foul down the line is fair, even when we can see the batter didn't even start to run. And he calls the end of plays before they're over repeatedly, risking mega-mistakes. Remy sleeps though innings sometimes. And I've told you all about their camera issues. This series they've been going with the "show the outfield grass" method on every fly ball/liner into the outfield. I know I've killed them for showing the sky--but now they're just showing the ground, so that the fielders are at the top edge of the screen, and we can't tell when or where the ball is coming down, on line drives. On top of that, they leave that score box on the screen, so sometimes I'm left wondering if the ball is behind it.

Anyway, I wrote all this while the O's have been batting in the 9th. Tying run up, no outs. 8-6 us.

O's score 2 in the 8th, leave man at third, as Bard escapes. 8-6 us, top 9. Rays have won.

Hot Lava-rnway goes deep again! We lead 8-4 in the 8th. Rays still up 5-3, bottom 8.

Did you see Pedroia's reaction to Lava's first dong? He was all pointing at and poking Varitek happily. That tells me Tek called the dong, and Pedroia was saying "you called it, dude." We'll see if that turns out to be true. Maybe.

Scutaro dong made it 7-3 us. They cut it to 7-4 with a dong, we're now in bottom 7.

Fucking Soriano (Sorry Asshole 2: The Squeakquel) gives up a 3-run shot to his old mates, and the Rays lead 5-3. The goddamn TRIPLE PLAY will haunt me in my sleep if the stupid asses don't come back.

I can't believe this. I can't believe this. Russell Martin hits into a triple play. The stupid Yanks go up 3-2 and have bases loaded no out, and a triple play happens. And this after Teixeira didn't score from second on a double! At least those holes have the lead but Jesus Horatio Christ!

So it's 5-3 us (our game also could be much better--Markakis made a diving catch with the bases loaded to end last inning) in the 6th, Yanks 3-2 in the 6th.

The fucking Yankees--making me be SAD when they hit into a TRIPLE PLAY!

Lavarnway 3-run dong in his first start! Huge! (Terrible job by Crawford not getting the run home from third with 1 out after that, though.) We lead 5-1, mid 4th. Great job by all those Sox fans down there.

And when Russell Martin said he hated the Sox, I said good for him. No, not thesarcastic kind, the regular. I hate the Yanks and I want them to hate us back. That's how it should be, so it was good to hear a guy in the rivalry actually say it. Do I think he's any less of a douche and do I want him to get horribly injured any LESS because of it? Of course not. Anyway, the point is, he had said "anything to keep the Red Sox out" and at the time, I said, "What's he gonna do, not try against the Rays? He'll have a decision to make." Tonight, he went against his "anything to keep the Sox out" rule, with a homer in Tampa. Yanks trail, though, 2-1 in the 4th.

And look at this--2-run dong by Weiters. What did I tell you about the Crawford play. It SHOULD have been 6-1, instead it was 5-1, and now it's 5-3.

What a shitty position we've put ourselves in. We're at the point now where we've got an "all hands on deck" game to play on Wednesday, regardless of what happens tonight. And then we could have another one on Thursday. With game one of a playoff series starting the next day if we win! Are we gonna end up with Darnell McDonald on the mound in the ALD fuckin' S?

Regardless of the state of shitocracy, I'm sick of hearing "I don't want them to make the playoffs because they'll lose anyway." By that logic, if you were, say, a Pirates fan, would you say in April that you don't want them to play the season because you don't think they'll make the playoffs anyway? Or is this that "New England" defeatist attitude of "we're just gonna lose" (which somehow doesn't come into play during basketball season when the world's most winningest basketball team takes the floor and wins repeatedly for decades and no one utters the word "puritan").

Anyway, I can remember 2004, with people saying "let's just lose the 4th game, get it over with, don't prolong the inevitable agony" and all that. And you know what happened then. These guys are alive. They sure don't look it, but they are.

Must-win baseball starts now and goes through Halloween. (I'd say "get on board" but if you're a fan who only sometimes roots for your team, why the hell am I talking to you?)

The entire wild card lead has been blown. It was a lead that didn't even matter when it was so big, because we were supposed to win the division, with the WC an automatic boobie prize. Now it's wild card or nothing, two games left, tied.

There was more magic in the air in Baltimore tonight. "Other team" magic. Ellsbury almost makes an amazing catch, instead the ball pops out as he hits the wall, and, despite that he actually tried to catch the ball bare-handed after it left the glove, it lands harmlessly, and the guy goes all the way around. A three-run inside-the-yards dong to break our backs. Earlier, we were up 1-0 and 2-1, and the Rays were down 2-0, and it felt like we were in the playoffs. Now we must continue to sweat.

11:49: NESN screencaps of the Papi/Ellsbury hug, and...

Awwww, poor Derek.


11:43: Man, I'd been dreading a game-winning hit from Romine's kid since the 7th. Here he his now, 2 outs, down 3. Go ahead, man, hit your dong now, better yet, do it against the Rays, you son-of-a-dude I like! Haha...ground out, we WIN!

11:42: Two down!

11:38: One out. Nice start, Felix.

11:37: Doubie rolls in. Can he close this out?

11:35: Oh! Papi give the kind of hug we ALL would like to give Ellsbury right now. None of this macho hug shit, a real "let me just hold you" kinda thing. Woohoo!!! Okay, inning over. THREE OUTS RIGHT NOW and let's get a step closer to October!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:34: Jacoby ---DONGGGGG!!!!! Dancing around room! First time in ages! Oh my fuck! Three-run job with 2 outs in 14th...!!!!!!!!!

11:32: Pretty deep fly out to center by Salty. I thought maybe Darnell could go second-to-home...nope, just third.

11:30: Ball four! A run seems plausible! Salty up with 1st and 2nd, one out.

11:29: Scutaro up. Long-ass at bat... full count....

11:25: Assman in, Darnell up, hitting for JD. Base hit! Okay, come on, win this!

11:23: I've been sitting here for 5 long hours watching this one. We're in the top of the 14th, one out. Tied at 4. Great job by Pap earlier, going 2 and 2/3, despite Don saying it was 1 and 2/3. Morales threw a lot of pitches too, leaving men on second and third in the 13th.

We're ahead in the 7th inning. That's a fucking win, right??

I gotta see JD Drew tonight???

AJ Burnett with his longest outing of the year against us? What a joke this team has become. And the Rays just won. So we've got Lackey going tonight trying to keep us from being tied with 3 games to go. Still waiting for that moment when we finally turn this around. It better be soon or they'll be nowhere to go with that momentum.