I hate the "I'm sick of it" excuse. Problems don't go away because you're tired of them. That's why they're problems to begin with. Yet Yankee fans, every time new A-Rod stuff comes out, love to say "I'm sick of all this talk," as if A-Rod's crap was the fault of someone other than A-Rod. I still can't tell if they're stupid or trying feebly to be manipulative. You can't make a problem go away by saying "let's all agree to not talk about it."

Those people are the funniest thing I've heard since Cheesecake Truck. Okay, that was really just an excuse to talk about Cheesecake Truck. Doing a search, I see I've only mentioned the song once on this blog, now in its tenth year. And that was only in passing. Before we go any further, listen to the song below. I'll meet you underneath.



I found out about King Missile when everybody else did, that is, when Detachable Penis came out in the early 90s. But it wasn't until 1997 that I discovered Cheesecake Truck. And I'm still laughing. What is it about this song that makes me put my head in my hands in hysterical exasperation? The guy is just so serious about this idea. And then the way he, already convinced his perfectly sane idea is going according to plan, continues to rationalize: The only solution to this problem he's brought upon himself is to leave his entire life behind. Suddenly everything up to that point doesn't seem so bad, as only now, after a misdemeanor at worst is committed, does he truly go overboard. Wait a minute, maybe connecting this to A-Rod isn't too far-fetched....

Sox rained out tonight, to be made up in June. Lester goes Saturday afternoon against Tampa.

For the second night in a row, the thing that's supposed to be our big strength, the P.E.N., blows a game. Another winnable one lost. Still tied for first though. And Papi played at Paw, so prepare for his return. I may go over to McCoy and check him out in the next few days.

There will be another Fenway Open House, next Wednesday, from 9 to 5.

Will I ever post pics from Wednesday night? Or is it setting up to be a "lost gallery" four years from now? While you wait, check out Zack Hample's account of the night.

This weekend, the Rays come to town. I'm predicting 3 out of 4.

My first Fenway game of the year, and it ends shittily as we blow the game. Coulda gone up 2 games with 154 to play. Oh well. I'll have to do a photo gallery maybe Thursday night when I get some time. In the meantime, here are a couple of videos I shot of Zack Hample, who was also at the game. I had fun hanging out with him and other ball-retrievers Mike and Ben before and during the game. I had no idea they'd be there. Anyway, enjoy the hell out of these and I'll see ya later.

From a recent press release:

Fenway Park gates will open two hours before the game for the home opener and one and half hours before the game for the rest of the 2013 season. Season ticket holders and Red Sox Nation members may enter at Gate C two and a half hours before each game.

So they're going the simplistic route this year after recent controversy with certain areas being closed until a certain time and bla bla bla. An hour and a half before every game, all gates open, the whole park is accessible. STH and RSN gets in 2.5 early. I called and asked if my 10-game plan qualifies in this case--nope. They let me take batting practice on the field but for this, I don't qualify. Oh well, spent 15 bucks on a RSN membership, and I'm in early all year. I think my plan will be to easily snag 5 Napoli BP dong balls out in center each game and then move close for picture-taking.

That same release tells us about the PA situation: Some high school teacher named Henry will do the night games, resident old guy Dick Flavin will do day games, and BoBloBel will do Saturdays. I like that Flavin is involved. His old-man voice is just so anti-ballparks-with-pools-and-explosions, it's perfect for keeping the Fenway bare-bones tradition alive. I can just imagine him saying over the PA between innings: "And now it's time for the social media funtime inning. Just tweet number-sign redsox ... ya know, I'm just not even gonna read this. Enjoy some silence for 30 seconds, people."

1.5, 2, 2.5, 3. Those are our leads against the rest of the teams in the AL East. The Yanks destroyed the Indians, and the Rays and Jays lost today/night. Wednesday night we resume our 'ries with the Orioles. It'll be Dempster's Fenway debut in a Red Sox uni. And Bradley's. And maybe some other guys's's's.

Hey, I forgot--we passed the deadline. The winner of that Super B0wl contest never got back to me after multiple attempts to contact him.* Boston Fan in Wichita is the Grand Champion! So he and Ryan will be getting their prizes in the mail soon. Let's say...within the next...few weeks.

*Though he did pull a "me in 5th grade"--I had been taking drum lessons with Mr. Lebetkin, and after a couple years of that silly drum pad when I thought I'd be bashing the skins on a full kit like Animal from The Muppets, I decided I couldn't take it anymore. Plus it was cutting into my regular classes and I was having a lot of fun that year for some reason. So I just pulled a Peter Griffin and decided I wasn't gonna go to the lessons anymore. One time, all three fifth grade classes were grouped into Mr. Moriarty's room for some fun-fest, and Lebetkin pops his head in to let me know it's time for my lesson. I give him the Okay sign, but I don't move. He assumes I'm on my way, but I'm staying put. John McElroy is sitting next to me playing drums on his thighs, reminding me that he's on to me and that I should be walking out to go to the lesson. I'm still not movin'. A few days later, Lebetkin finally gets me into a lesson and makes me admit that I've lost interest. "Last week I even came and got you and you still didn't show up."

Anyway, the contest winner did acknowledge that he won, but with further attempts to get his mailing address, he was nowhere to be found. I even tried to give him the full kit. But he had no interest, I guess. I understand. It's cool.

One of the highlights of the NCAA tourney this year was seeing John Wooden and Babe Ruth enjoying a game in the stands together. Hey, their Louisville squad won it all, too!

So here's that thing I've been meaning to say for a few years now. It's about NESN's intro to Red Sox games. You know how we've got the banners for our championships? Red for WS titles, blue for AL titles, and white for AL East titles? Right. I know after we win a title, they make up a banner, but that banner becomes defunct once we go further in the same year. So there WAS a blue AL champs flag in '07, for example, but it was quickly replaced by a red WS champs one. You following this? Well NESN, on their intro, has this animation showing all our flags in the background. But for '04 and '07, they include both the blue AL champs flag AND the red WS champs one. Whereas you don't see a blue AL champs one for say, 1918, 1916, etc. It's exactly what you see on Yawkey Way, but with two bonus league champs banners for the two titles won under the new ownership. And maybe that's the key--they want to hype up the more recent wins. But then again, if they're going that route, why isn't there a white AL East champs banner for '07?

So, do you think it's a mistake? Or just wanting to have more recent banners...which would also include the mistake of omitting the 2007 AL East win?

Watch for it tomorrow night if you don't know what the H I'm T-ing about.

Red Sox:

Best record in A.L. (tied)
Only team in division with winning record
Biggest division lead in baseball (tied)
Winning record vs. three division rivals, seven games into season
Losing record against nobody
Most road wins in baseball
Most runs scored in A.L
Allowed to have long hair/facial hair

Nice win in the homo pener today, as Nava-gant Credit Union breaks a scoreless tie with a massive 3-bone dong in the 7th. BucHHolz throws seven shutout innings in the 3-1 win vs. Bird Land.

Sox-O's at Fenway today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I usually stick to one exclamation point/mark but it's Opening Day at Fenway!

And we real fans would be excited for it whether we were 4-2 or 0-6.

Speaking of real fans, I just found out about a blog called Quilted Baseball. It's written by a woman who loves the Sox and makes quilts and gets players to autograph them. Enjoy.

With today's opening ceremonies involving the Jimmy Fund, it's fitting that my other team has found a new inspiration. I guess Jack is gonna be Nebraska's "Jimmy."

Brooks Was Here! Thrice! Against Dickey, he donged, then doubled, then donged again. They brought a new guy in, and he donged off him too. These were rockets. In his last at bat, he wailed the first pitch and it looked gone, but it fell short, so he didn't get the rare 4-dong game. Nava finally joined the dong brigade after a couple of deep flies. Napoli crushed a ball that got out to the second deck in center in about 0 seconds. Ellsbury added a bomb of his own. Final: Red Sox 13, Blue Jays 0. Bevo-style.

Underrated in today's donslaught was Lester, who gave up zilch over 7. Vigo threw two shutout innings too. (MLB once again has its boxscore ending in the middle of the eighth. Unbelievable.) And Iglesias had his fourth multi-hit game and we're only at game 6.

I'm still pissed that the betting site didn't have Middlebrooks listed in their "AL home run king" bet. Why did everyone forget about this guy? The perfect Fenway swing, a dongtastic 2012 in his short time before the injury. And he's got 4 homers before even playing a game at Fenway this year! He's set himself up for a nice home opening day ovation tomorrow.

Let's see how we're feeling. Rod?


Record: 4-2. Streak: Won 1. Place: 1st. Mood: Feels so good goin' home.

Despite the 13-0 win, NESN thought it was 3-1 at one point?

How?? Somebody had to type that "1" in, right?

And what was up with the Remy highlights? They tell us about his first opening day with the Red Sox in 1978. But the corresponding highlights are clearly of Remy in the post-'78 home uniform. Don did say that only the first highlight was the opening day one, but, no. It was May 8, 1983, first inning, off of Matt Young. Only time he ever tripled against Seattle at home. 1978? I could see Dave Henderson out in center field! And, of course, the uniform being wrong was the dead giveaway. Even Remy himself seemed puzzled that it was supposed to be '78. I didn't look into when the other two highlights were from, but both had the post-'78 jersey so they totally effed up on this. Unless Don just got it all wrong. But I think they were trying to make us think that first highlight WAS from Remy's first Red Sox opening day, since he tripled and what they showed was a (different, from five years later) triple. (He must have hurt himself on the triple they showed, as he would leave that game shortly after. He returned the next night though.)

Awesome start against Dickey.

Hit, hit, hit, hit, Middlebrooks DONG. Five batters, five runs. And the next two guys hit fly outs to the warning track!

My Middlebrooks MVP prediction looking better every day!

Sox 5, Nue Jays 0 after 1.

Fun with Yankee stats:

They're the only team in the division...

in last place.
with a negative run differential.
with more than 30 runs allowed.
with fewer than 20 runs scored.
with a 2-or-more-game losing streak.

They're also tied for the worst record in baseball with the Astros and four NL teams.

So we've got that goin' for us.

I'd add "and Lackey got injured too!" but that would be mean.

We only had two hits today. One to start the game and one with two outs in the ninth. 5-0 loss to TORO. (Fuck the "usual" team abbreviations.) Anyway it got me thinking: Has a team ever played a game where they only got two hits, one to start the first inning and one to end the last? It'd be easier for the home team, with the final hit being a walk-off hit, but the road team could do it too if the last guy gets a hit and the final out is made on the play.

Here's Boucher:

Record: 3-2. Place: 1st. Streak: Lost 1. Mood: Two freakin' hits??