Saturday, August 15, 2009

Today's Classic Video

So there's this blog called One Base on an Overthrow on which the writer posts his thoughts on his own record collection and bands he sees live. Each post comes with pictures and digitally-listen-to-able songs. Beauty part is, this dude's from Connecticut, so I know, or know of, lots of band members discussed. Lately, he's been talking a lot about a few Connecticut bands whose members include people who were fans of my old band, The Pac-Men, almost ten years ago.

These kids (now adults) were staples of the Danbury-area scene, and The Pac-Men could count on them to tear it proverbially up at all our shows. We had a good thing going--I like to think of our little faction of the "scene" as the rag-tag underdogs--we always joked how we attracted the most disaffected/illusioned youths. If you were a nerdy kid who not only had no friends in school but also weren't accepted within the punk/hardcore community, The Pac-Men were for you. While the macho shithead bands, the pop-punk bands, and the emo/screamo/dreamo/shitmo dual-vocal, emotionally-draining faux-metal bands were playing over at some other venue, we and our little crew were having a ball over at the teen center or the VFW hall.

The point I'm trying to make here is that I like to think my band influenced those kids, and now several of them are doing their own creative things and getting attention for them. Granted, we weren't the only ones, but I hope what we did helped them in some way. At the time, we Pac-Men were already post-college age, but who knows, maybe by making some of those kids feel accepted and letting them know that music is supposed to be fun, we helped to spin their lives off in a better direction.

The video below from around 2000 features one of those kids, "Tom," now known as the singer of Guilty Faces, interviewing Malcolm Tent, without whom a lot of what's happened in Connecticut underground music in the last 20 years would not have happened, as he was the longtime owner of Trash American Style. (Speaking of influences.) It's just kind of a nonsensical interview, but I like the dynamic between the up-and-coming punk rocker teen and the wise, mature spiritual leader of the scene. If you can't hear a word they're saying, I've transcribed it over at the YouTube page it's on. Oh, and this originally aired on my old cable access show, Ready! Filmed in Newtown, CT, by me, Jere, probably between bands at a Pac-Men show.

What I Just Saw

Holy karp! I'm gonna relive this unlikeliest of ninth innings for the fun of it, and for anyone who didn't actually see it: We're down two, and Frankie Francisco comes in for the save for Texas. First three guys get hits, so we're now down by one, with first and second. National Leaguer Chris Woodward is obviously up there trying to bunt the tying run to third, and the go-ahead run to second. He watches strike one. With NESN showing the low, behind-the-plate angle, he watches the second pitch, and the viewer has no idea where it is, but we find out it's strike two. They take the bunt off, and Woodward strikes out. I'm ready to throw him off the team. [Update, next morning: I wasn't even thinking that since A-Gon is back, Woodward was gonna be gone anyway, and now he is.] At this point, Tito pulls Tek off second base, as he's the tying run. But he's got nobody except the slow Kotchman on the bench. So he uses Clay Buchholz. (A fan is clearly seen to mouth the words "who IS that?") Pedroia's up, and he wails one. It looks like a dong. Don goes crazy, and Frankie V is yelling over his call in excitement. Murphy goes back to the wall, leaps....and it hits off the wall, just out of his reach. Game tied, right? Oh, goodness, no. As we see the ball bounce right back up to Murphy, they cut to Buchholz, and it turns out he's stopped on his way home for a sody pop and some chips. He's stumbling and trying to situate his giant helmet on his tiny head, not even at third base. The throw comes in, and Clay's about half way between third and the plate (while the runner from first is already on third). The cutoff man fires home, and Clay's out easily. We just doubled with the tying run on second, and the game is not tied. Now it's two outs, second and third. Victor Martinez gets two strikes on him, and now we're looking like we're all but dead in the water. But I'm willing Vik-E Mart to line one to right. He fouls one off. I visualize it again: line drive, right field. He fouls another off. I refuse to have to tell this story as a loss, so I picture the line drive to right again. Another foul, and finally, he does it. Frankie V screams again (I hate when color men talk over the call, but it was funny how much this guy, calling his first Red Sox game, seemed to be such a fan of the team), and you know that ball is fair, and it's getting down. Into the corner, a two-run double. We effing lead it! Bay with another single for an insurance run, and then Drew bombs one out of the park to right, and suddenly it's the other team who looks dead, as we lead 8-4. Pap gets the save.

Okay, so now I'll post what I'd already written before this crazy ninth inning. Enjoy!


Alex Gonzalez is back! The Sox pulled a Taxi Driver! Since you'd have to live in my brain to get that reference, I'll fill you in. As the story goes, Scorsese was looking for a "Cybil Shepard-type" for the role of Betsy. Her agent heard this, called up and asked, "How about the real thing," and Cybil was cast. So for the last three years I've been lamenting the loss of the best defensive shortstop I've ever seen play for the Red Sox, yet during this time of needing help in the shortstop area, I didn't even think of trying to get the man himself back here. But he's back now. Doesn't hit much, but it'll be fun to watch a guy who's so instinctive and does it so naturally out there. He was born in an infield patch!

Frankie V in the booth! I talked to a friend who said it was like hearing Bowser from Sha Na Na announce the Red Sox game. I kind of thought he sounded like Joey Ramone.

If you've been hearing me yap about the terrible job being done by NESN's from-behind-the-plate looking-toward-the-outfield view camera person and hadn't yet seen it for yourself, I hope you were watching on the foul pop that Lowell could have had if it weren't for some meddling fans. That Tiger TV-esque camera person showed the left fielder as the ball headed toward the third base dugout. At the last second, they jolted the camera down...only to still leave it short of where the play happened. It's bad enough to literally completely miss a play, but it's even worse when it's a could-go-either-way play, and we have to hear Don describe it, making us realize we're not just missing a ball in the seats or an easy out. Later in that inning, they had the pitcher/first base view going, just as Lester was about to throw. The runner took off, but stopped after several steps. For some reason this made NESN keep the camera on the guy, instead of cutting to the home plate shot, making us miss the pitch. That's something a lot of networks do. They're obsessed with the baserunner! Look, the announcers will tell us if the guy's going. I don't need to see it. As long as you cut to him in time for us to see the play at second, that's all I need. I can see his lead and his takeoff and his stride on replays after it's over. I miss the split screen.

Finally, I'm pissed that at least one person missed the point of my last post. Because now I feel like scores of people read it, misunderstood it, and left forever, thinking I somehow think dog torture is okay because cow-killing is acceptable in our society. What I was saying was the opposite: I am against ALL mistreatment of animals. Making them fight, killing them for "sport," using their hides for fashion, and eating their flesh because it's tasty. I'm completely against it all. I would think the Vick thing would be a great chance for people to realize that ALL animals have a right to be left alone. Maybe they'll realize, Hey, maybe it's ALSO not right to slaughter a cow to play a game or have a tasty treat, when either could be done without killing an animal. People just seem to be "animal lovers" only when cute animals are involved. Or they think some animals are "cool" while others are worthless. I can't even count the number of times I've heard somebody make some joke like, 'If Vick had tortured cats, I'd have bought his jersey' or whatever. My old neighbor's truck had a "Cats..the other white meat" sticker on it. These people are just as despicable as Vick.

So I hope that clears it up. For people who don't know, I'm the lefty, commie pinko vegetarian baseball fan. And yes, of course I also think it's ridiculous that baseball uses animals for the balls and gloves when they don't need to.

Friday, August 14, 2009

For All The Cows

Here's what I don't get about the Michael Vick thing: All these football fans are so outraged about what he did to animals. "I don't want that animal torturer on my team!" "He should go to jail for life!" So you don't want a guy playing football because of the way he treated dogs, but...


"We wouldn't want to have an animal torturer playing our game where we throw around an animal-skin ball while wearing animal-skin shoes! That's preposterous!" said the football fan during his chicken dinner.

What's worse? Making one set of animals fight each other, or killing a different set of animals for the purpose of tossing it around for a fun game? Am I correct in thinking that if this guy had arranged cow fights, no one would even blink?

Thursday, August 13, 2009

So Much For Nine Runs

We lose 2-0, even though the stupid MLB live box showed the Tigers with a 2-run inning when they really had one. So I thought it was 3-0 for a long time. It kind of ruined everything for me....

Sounds Cooler Than "My .3-Something Inches Gun"

On April 4th, I sat at Shea Neux and watched the Red Sox score nine runs in their final exhibition game of 2009....and they haven't scored exactly nine in a game since! Besides the White Sox, who also haven't hit the nine mark, we're the only team to avoid any number under 10 all regular season long, to this point.

You don't get stats like this just anywhere, people.

So guess what? In the first game of the current series, the Red Sox scored six runs. In game two, seven runs. Last night, in game three, an 8-2 win. Today at 1:35, we go for the sweep, but we're also due to score nine! We've scored every total from 0 to 13 (plus a 15, a 16, and an 18) except for nine! I say we do it today. Gotta do it against Verlander, though.

We've also scored as many or more runs than the previous game's total for five straight games. S.W.G.T.G.F.U. W.I.N.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

"Cuttery"? (Now With Pedro Pic!)

Let's get right to tonight's randomonium:

I think I invented that term, by the way.

"Baby Jordan" Miner didn't have it tonight, and Beckett totally did. We win easily.

The Tigers looked like crap. Their fielders crashing into walls summed up their performance. At one point, the Red Sox scored runs on two consecutive pitches--and swung the bat on neither. A bases-loaded walk and a passed ball.

And on that passed ball, Drew didn't slide. When he did this the other night, I was pissed, but it turned out he was hurt. What was his excuse tonight?? (And what was NESN's for not showing a replay of it?) This is what I meant yesterday when I said he floats through life. Last night, he got Tito ejected because he couldn't do a normal slide into second, getting himself thrown out when he had the base stolen. I'm telling you, in 20 years, AJM and I will be standing in a room, and someone will ask us, Hey, remember that outfielder for the Red Sox who didn't seem to give a shit or know what the score was, or hustle, occasionally make a great defensive play but mostly look kind of lost, had a shitload of talent and a sweet swing, acted nonchalantly and never seemed to worry about anything but ended up with World Series rings anyway? And AJM would say "Manny Ramirez!" and I'd say "JD Drew!" at the same time.

We're still 5.5 back. I left work today, got in the car, and the Yanks were on. Sterling was saying "if you're listening on your way home from work...." and I thought, Oh, this is good, he knows it's 5:00 so he's gonna give us the score and inning. Nope. He went on and on about the different trafficky areas in the New York area. Finally he tells me the Jays have 14 hits and the Yanks have 5. Ahh, a blowout, I thought. Eventually he tells me it's the 11th. He finally gives the score, and I then hear three Yankees get on base, ending the game. Shitty. We went in to tonight knowing we couldn't gain, but we kept pace, and now they go on a west coast trip before coming to Fenway. Gotta gain ground over this stretch.

You know how many teams in all of baseball have a better record than the Red Sox right now? Three. And that's why it's always got to be insulting to fans of all the bad teams when they hear all the "free fall" and "panic" talk coming from the ridiculous faction of Red Sox Townia. And their tireless leader, Media McCrapton.
bad cam on Lowell inf hit, deep right foul kotchman

Carlos Guillen doesn't know which foot to put on first base. It's not often a first baseman gets the E on a one-hop throw.

Great to see Remy in the booth tonight. We heard from Castig early in the game that he was in the park, then go home from dinner to see him on TV. I'm guessing he comes back the Monday after the Yankee series.

Remember how the "hair cuttery" had that "nothin' sweet about me" song? Have you noticed that they have a new song now, but kept the stupid slow-motion dancing girl? Terrible job! I'm assuming they chose the music to match the visual in the first place--how can you go and change the song? What is this, the WKRP in Cincinnati DVDs? (They also had to change music on the new The State DVDs, which stanks, too.) Anyway, both songs, the visual, and the name of the place are all pretty dumb.

I think Eck misread Granderson when he caught the ball at the wall. Eck thought he was "confused." I think it was more like, "Okay, I botched the last one, I'm definitely gonna set myself, jump, and get this one like I should have done before." Then he had that frustrated look afterward, like, "Shoulda had the other one, too, dammit."

The Tigers used a pitcher with a two-letter last name. Ni. Has to be at least a tie for shortest in MLB history, right?

Sometimes on NESN, and other channels, they tell you what you're watching "NOW." Is anyone sitting there watching a Red Sox game going, "What the fuck am I watching?! Does anyone know? They need to tell me and now! This is a travesty!!"?

Pedro's back! And he was totally effective at Wrigley. Nice job, my friend. (Added to post--this picture of Pedro from tonight, taken by AJM, who I just happened to mention earlier in the post! He's at Wrigley! Thanks, AJM! Oh, and I forgot to mention "fake injuries" in the Drew/Manny thing above....)

New Fenway ad--in center field, a red Reebok one. In the spot where the NESN sign had been, I think.

Speaking of NESN, they continue to have problems with whoever controls the camera situated behind the plate. They actually got fooled into thinking Kotchman's foul fly reached the far end of the right field roof boxes, almost to the Bud section. If you saw it, you know what I'm talking about. If you didn't, you're thinking I'm worse than the guy who thinks not telling us what's currently on is a "travesty." Touche. Anyway, their other miscue tonight was on Lowell's infield grounder that scored Bay. There were two outs--we were all waiting, edge of our seats, to see if Lowell beats out the close play. It would score the run if he made it, if not, inning over. As Lowell and the ball are about to reach the bag, they cut to....Bay crossing the plate. Wrong.

Tonight on our way home from dinner, we saw a guy on the side of the road all by himself with a glove and a ball. He was casually throwing the ball up and catching it. A few blocks away, we saw another guy, also alone, but with a bat, swinging it over and over. Had the two just started walking toward each other, they could've had a game going in a few short minutes. (Note: any poignancy in this story went running for the door when we realized the bat guy was a little, how you say, cra-zy. I don't think he was thinking about baseball.)

Okay, I'll let you go now. After this one more story. Lately, any time I've used the word "guarantee," I've said it in this weird voice. I knew that I was getting it from someone from TV long ago, but I couldn't pinpoint it. If you're old enough, you probably already know where I'm going with this. Then some talk radio host said "guarantee," the same way I've been saying it. He followed it up with, "like the Cajun Cook." That's it! It was this guy.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Taz gets his first major league win. You tackles pitcher. Lowell fills in with a double-dong. Tito throws gum and is thrown. Bay appears to be back-ish. Eck flip-flops. Pedroia reaches last year's GIDP total in early August. Drew continues to float through life. 7-5 us in rain-delayed contest.

Yanks won, but the good things were Joba having proba, and Mo giving up a Ho. So we're still 5.5 back.

About the Josh Hamilton thing: I'm totally happy those pictures came out. This guy was heralded as some kind of hero for getting over drug addiction. He could have refused interviews. He could have said "it's no big deal." But noooo, he had to tell us all how god got him back on track and yadda yadda yadda. Then he goes out and not only has a "setback," but also cheats* on his wife, all in public! But not only that, he doesn't come out and admit it until eight months later when the pictures he was posing for while doing it are posted on the Web! I wonder how many times he gave his bullshit story between the time the "event" (yeah, like it was just that one time...) happened and the other day, when the public found out about it. This piece of sludge deserves everything he gets. If his wife had any spine at all, she'd leave him and his god and his problems to the next money-hungry bimbo, or better yet, the kind of trash he hangs out with at the whipped cream bar.

I just love it when these holier-than-Chan types get caught doing the exact thing they publicly go against.

*Jere's definition of cheating: what Hamilton did, for starters. By the way, what was his excuse for that part of it? He can claim relapse on the alcohol thing, but is the wife really thinking that his need to have girls eat whipped cream off of his body is part of the "disease"?

Another Word For Thesaurus


There we were, hangin' out at the beach on our one-day vacation, and a car pulls up and parks right in front of where I was standing. I saw a flash of frizzy hair and beard and a stiff cap, and I thought, "that almost has to be Steven Wright." And then Steven Wright got out of the car. I chickened out, but Kim went for it, asking if she could take my picture with him. We just really hoped we weren't bothering the guy, and made sure to let him know that, along with the fact that we're big fans. After the picture, he looks at Kim and says, in the same way he says everything else, "you want one, too"? So she got one, too. We thanked him and he drove off. If you're young or something, and don't know who I'm talking about, Google him. I think the guy's hilarious. I wish he had more albums out. I'd buy them all in triplicate just to help his sales.

Then we got home and saw the happy endings of both the Sox and Yanks games. We're back to 5.5 back.

Bonus pic I took in East Haven, CT, on Sunday:

Monday, August 10, 2009

Futures Teaser

I'm not around today, since it's a Rhode Island holiday. Apparently V-J day still requires a day off here. I've set this to post ahead of time. So if you've commented, I'll approve it when I get home. (Unless you're doing it anonymously, are banned already, or are a Yankee fan troll-type typing in all caps.)

Here are just a few pics from the Futures doubleheader on Saturday:

This was our view. Twenty bucks. Not a bad deal. The Portland SeaDogs take the field in game one.

The first two guys in the Portland lineup were named Ryan K. Here, Khoury dives back into first.

In game two, the opposing team's coach was Gary Allenson, former Red Sox catcher. My mom had just asked me to make a magnet of him, and I presented it to her before the game at my house. Little did we know we'd be seeing "Muggsy" a few hours later!

That night, we went to another WaterFire in Providence. I took a couple o' fartsy flame-reflection shots. The second one reminds me of the beginning of Splash...

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Swept By Trash

As we know, the Red Sox series is the Yankee fan's World Series, now that they don't win real World Series' anymore. In fact, any home run is cause for a parade in their current cursed era, which explains why every one gets a curtain call. The fact that most of them are half-wits doesn't help. It was fitting that tonight's win was made possible by two admitted steroid users, but then the fans chanted "steroids" at an opposing player. That's almost like playing your victory song when you lose! Oh wait, they do that, too.

Our scoreless streak was the longest one since a year before I was born. In the game in which we finally scored back then, in '74, Cecil Cooper knocked in the drought-ending runs, and was pinch-run for by Fred Lynn, making his major league debut.

I'm sure the average radio show caller thinks the season is over--they think that after any given loss--but I'm hoping sane Sox fans see that that's not the case. Our lineup is really good. It has hit shittily for a long stretch here, there's no question about that. But they'll be okay. The starting pitching is playoff-ready. It's not like we've lost six blowouts in a row. I just hope the people that have given up don't end up clogging my view at the parade, should there be one.

Did you see Shitface holding his bat up in the air while running to first on his home run? Was he trying to harness the power of Grayskull? Anyway, when we drill him in the next series, I hope it really, really hurts.

Sox And Dogs

The Futures doubleheader proved to be a vacation from the reality of the day--Papi's press conference, another loss to the Spanx Undergarments...and this long* summer weekend is still chock-full of things to do, so my comments on all of that and pictures from yesterday will have to wait.

But one little story: I got a classic Yankee fan troll comment that said "just another Red Sox choke" or whatever. I think it's funny that I had a commenter in Dirty Water say the same thing. His team finally chokes to us (in the worst possible way) but then comes right back with the choke talk. Dude, you're so witty and clever that you've already been made into a stereotypical character in a book I wrote two years ago.

I guess they're missing the point. Let's say you lived in that town Charlie Bucket lived in. He was all poor and shit, and barely had enough money to even buy a Wonka bar, making his chance at something good in life even slimmer. But he somehow gets a bar, and it's got the golden ticket inside. Then he goes on to take over the chocolate factory, etc. The next day at school, what if one of the rich kids went up to Charlie and said, "Hey, it's the LOSER with his bad luck and poverty and shit, ha ha ha!"? You see what I'm saying? You don't make fun of someone for the way their life USED TO be.

Unless you're a retarded Yankee fan.

*Rhode Island-only holiday on Monday!

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Location: Rhode Island, United States