Saturday, April 26, 2014


Just had to sweat out the 8th and especially 9th following on stupid GameDay. White-knuckle time as the Jays ended up with first and second, two out, bottom 9, down a run. All this after a dong off Koji to lead off the inning and cut it to one. But I got the coveted "in play, out(s)" and we hang on my the epidermis of our cuspids.

I saw the beginning of the game (Don's behind the scenes videos have gotten so bad that he's actually filming them upside-down unknowingly--but I do love Remy's disdain of them), which saw the Blue Jays starter taken out with a no-hitter going. He'd given up 8 walks over 2 and a third though. He left with the bases loaded and a 3-1 lead, when AJ took the reliever deep for a grand dong. My man man Middle Mrooks followed with a thatched roof of his own to make it 6-3. It went 7-3, and I thought we were home free as I left TV land, but I got to a computer to see Tazawa screwing the poached eggs completely. Capuano had to rescue him, and Koji had to come in early to rescue him.

Final: Bostonians 7, Torontonians 6.

Yanks won so we stay 2.5 out of first, but jump the Jays into third. Best road record in the Al East! As I type, only three teams in the American League have more wins than we do. But only one has more losses. Weird.

Friday, April 25, 2014

The Lineup We Know

Except Middlebrooks is down too low. But he'll move up eventually.

So we destroyed the burly one tonight. He'd been pitching lights-out, heat-down-to-62 this season, too. Everybody hit for us in the 8-1 win, but especially the bottom three of my boy, JBJ, and AJ. Peavy was great for us in the non-batting department. Pretty soon these other teams in our division will be wishing they'd pulled way ahead of us while they had the chance!

Yanks lost 13-1 tonight. I had the 5th inning on the radio while the Sox were in commercial, and it was "Post Time," where they had a guy in the booth from the NY Post. Until last year it had been a Daily News thing. Anyway, it's this guy's first time in the booth, and the first thing that happens is a Pujols mega-dong. I could just feel Sterl and Wald getting mad, like it was his fault. But they didn't say anything. At least not before I turned back to our game. By the way, terrible job by Suzyn with her "the Red Sox started WWIII" on the pine tar thing, while the rest of the world agreed that the Yanks were embarrassed and the Sox did exactly the right thing.

Speaking of terrible jobs, I heard on the Sox broadcast the night before against the Yankees some ad copy, read by O'Brien, that went something like, "Like the Red Sox and Yankees, the Hebrew Home in New York has a rich history of bla bla bla." So lemme get this straight: The Red Sox are advertising for a place to send your grandma that's in New York, and they're selling it to their fans by comparing it to the Yankees. (And Red Sox.) Terrible job. In both comparing our team to our opposite and rival, and in trying to get Red Sox fans to move to a place in New York. And I'm a Red Sox fan who thinks you SHOULD move to New York because it's awesome! But if I were the team I sure wouldn't be allowing advertisers like that.


I guess we can safely say Doubront "didn't have it" last night. At least we got the "fun" of seeing Carp pitch. And NESN would like you to know, since you were so concerned with how Jeter was doing while he wasn't on the field, that he is alive and well. Still breathing, sitting around, doing nothing. So you can relax. He's going to make it. "Relieved you're still alive" cards can be sent to the following address:


(You don't actually write "puke" on the envelope, you vomit all over it and then put it in the mail, but don't expect a reply because Gods don't answer letters.)

Sox @ Jays, 7:07 tonight.

Thursday, April 24, 2014


A friend of mine who shall remain Chanless (d'oh!) took this picture of a TV at the airport in Hong Kong last night:

Sweet! I really like how you see what each batter did in each inning.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Pineda Just Had His Wall Sponge-Painted

After one of the shittiest nights of the season, we had one of the most fun ones. It started when my mom called me from Boston to inform me she left her tickets to the game at home. Thanks to modern technology, and since these tickets were from my 10-game plan, I was able to make the tickets appear in her name at will call without even talking to another human.

Now you gotta realize that when Pineda pitched against us last time, it was my mom who called me to tell me I needed to use my pull(?) to contact Farrell in the dugout and make him call out the pitcher whose name in Russian is "Pine? Yes." So it was cool that she was in the stands for Pine II: Twin Pines Mall.

The super_tar started out poorly, and I joked to Kim that maybe he'd come out for the second inning with pine tar on his person like last time. Only it turned out not to be a joke. There was pine-crapple, with a big brown splotch on his neck! Farrell emerged from the dugout, and it was proverbially on. We at home knew right away, but it was fun to hear the crowd start to come to life as they slowly realized what was going on. The ump headed for the mound.

After checking the ball and making Pine-Saul-on-the-Hudson twirl around, Remy joked "they found it," since it was already so obvious. The umpire took his finger and did a swab Clara Barton would have been proud of, and then methodically tossed the pitcher out of the game, to the shock of nobody and the delight of all. Piney Pineda was grabbing some pine and pining for some class. (That stuff the Yankees always say they have but never seem to actually have.)


So anyway, now the world is in stitches and I'm thinking of that scene in The Bird Cage, which I couldn't help but upload to YouTube during the game. Kim and I just couldn't believe how obvious this guy was being. I mean, who looks at a person's face? And wasn't it funny how after last time, everybody (on both sides) defended him, saying it's for grip, but when they asked the man himself, he said it was "dirt"?

My one regret was that Farrell didn't wait until the guy had given up about five more runs before pulling the trigger.

Lost in all this would be the fact that Jeter continues to be shitty. On a slow grounder up the middle, he moved over, squared it up...and it went off his glove and through his legs. With AJ running (or almost anyone else) it would have been an easy out. But I had no doubt they'd call it a hit. Nobody makes an error in the 2010s, and certainly not Our Father. But then he made one that the scorer had no choice on, throwing across to first and coming up so short that Teixeira couldn't even scoop it. (That led to a two-run inning.) Then he made yet another one-hop throw to first, also not handled, but it was on a DP try and he did have a runner coming at him. Still funny though. Then he took a one-hop throw from the pitcher at second, couldn't handle it, and thought that this ball had gone up and to his left, when it was on the ground and to his right. While he tried to block a ball at his right foot with his left shoulder (below), he almost got taken out by a sliding runner.

So it was a pret-ty good night for us. Our 4-0 lead felt like 10-0, and eventually Koji wrapped up Lackey's gem. 5-1 was your final.

You Make The Call

Forgot how much fun I had with the "you be the producer" game last year.

P.S. The "Sponsor" is a reference to Kim and I seeing that "Anthony!" commercial tonight. She grew up in Boston (meaning New Bedford, MA) and I grew up in New York (meaning Ridgefield, CT) so she had that Anthony pasta ad while I had "New York loves San Georgio." Tried to find a video, could only come up with one, but it's with a bunch of other ads, and a big chunk of the song is cut out.

More on tonight's sweet game later!

Two Cool Magazine Covers

Both of these arrived in the escargot mail today:

Sox/Yanks, 7:10

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

All That Dunbar-ian Stuff Again

Lester gave up some hard hit balls tonight. Still, for every one of those there was a Yankee-ish hit or a ball doinking off somebody's glove. We almost came back from the 4-0 def., with Papi and Nap hitting bombs off the new guy, and then the tying run coming up. But it didn't happen, and then they scored like a million more runs.

I see Jeter did what he always does with a new teammate: teach him how to make regular look like extra-large. Polpotsbury made a "diving" (wink wink) catch early on. And then in similar Jeter-ish fashion, he hit a triple that was more like a double and a double that was more like a single. No broken legs though. We'll have to fix that tomorrow. I hear the anesthesia truck just might have an unfortunate delay on the highway too.

So I'd do yet another post about the disconnect between fans and media and how the media just... can't... seem... to get it through their heads that Red Sox fans don't care for the Yankees. (They happen to be our rival.) And when a player goes from...oh forget it, they're never gonna figure out this simple formula. I've written about it so many times before, I'm done. Good to see so many signs in the stands from people who get it. Which I'm pretty sure is everybody who isn't in the media.

And for the love of Gedman, please don't say "how can you blame...". If that's how your feel, your emotions don't have to end there. I'm not saying people don't have the right to be total dicks who essentially admit that money is more important than winning and loyalty. But for fuck's sake, when they do, we all have the right to be totally pissed about it. I've never heard one person say, "Hey, the twin towers were standing right there out in the open with no forcefield around them," and then end their opinion of the terrorists there.

And then there are the "I was never attached to him anyway" faction. And to them I say, Well you were halfway to hating the guy already, now it's time to let loose! Join us!

Oh, did I say "loyalty"? Surely there's someone out there laughing at my simple little innocent mind, ready to tell me how there's no loyalty, repeat the Seinfeld laundry joke and act like they thought of it, and tell me that every player is in it for the money, and they don't care about me a la Mickey Mantle in A Bronx Tale. And to that I say, every time you say that, you insult all the players who do give a fuck, and actually don't put money above everything else in life. (And also, please don't tell me that "any one of us" would do the same thing. Go ahead, e-mail me your offers of how much money you'd give me to clean John Sterling's toilet, see what happens.)

And then there are the "I never grow attached to players" defense mechanism crowd. Again, you can't have it both-ass ways. You can't tell me it means nothing to you and then have a tear in your eye when Pedro or somebody awesome like that comes out holding the trophy or Yaz raises the flag or whatever. Am I gonna have to nudge you and say, "not so faaast...remember, you have no emotional attachment to athletes"?

Of course you could just be putting on a show to make it appear you're not upset, feeling like the other side "wins" when you do that. If that's how you proverbially roll, fine, just gimme a wink so I know that's what you're up to.

Tomorrow I vote we kick Pineda's ass and stop fucking around.

Monday, April 21, 2014


Wasn't it funny on Sunday night when Kruk thought this guy was a little "too high" to bring his glove, and that he was "under the scoreboard in center"?

The hell was he lookin' at? The guy's about 350 feet from home plate in the front row of the Monster Seats.


We went down 6-0 early. Made our way back into it, but when it got to be 6-4, we gave up a run we shouldn't have. Double play ball, Pedroia gives X a bad feed, but still, he had time to set himself and throw to first, but the throw went wild. Then Jackie Bradley goes back on a ball slowly instead of getting back there fast and getting into position to throw, guy tags and gets to second. Then a single, and Bradley's throw would have beaten the runner, but it's nowhere near home plate, O's get a gift run.

I was pissed. We might need that run. As it turns out, we lose by one, ending the game with runners on second and third.

tl;dr: fuckity goddamn fucking fuck, what another great win that would have and should have been

Side note: There was a fan who missed a really easy bloop foul ball. Got booed, naturally. They kept showing him reacting, head in hands. Finally they go and interview him in the stands, and he's a really good sport about it, jokingly saying how it was a "hard liner" and how the sun was in his eyes even though he was in shade. Terribly, Don and Remy somehow miss the fact that he was joking, mocking him for making excuses. Remy went on to talk about why it's important not to make excuses in post-game interviews. Great job by the fan, bad job by the announcers.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

I Love It

Red Sox down 5-0, ESPN announcer J. Kruk says a 5-run comeback is manageable but not much beyond that. Then clarifies: maybe last year the Red Sox could come back from down 5, but they haven't been scoring much this year....

Never before had I visualized so hard an exact final score of 6-5 Red Sox. And that's what it was! Sox win on odd sac-fly-with-errant-throw in bottom 9th!

Where to start with this mofo? Oh right, the Kruk thing. Where to go second? How about Pedroia hitting a near-walk-off dong in a 5-5 tie in the ninth? Are those the best angles ESPN had? Lemme guess: The left field camera, instead of showing an "along the fence" view, was zooming in for player reactions to a possible winning hit. No, more likely to fans ready to...raise their arms! All they gave us on a border call--the most basic of reviewable plays, one which was already reviewable last year before all this new replay was introduced--were head-on shots! About two of them. It looked like the glove reached over, but it was inconclusive, which is what MLB said. So they had to keep Dustin at second. I will say that it's not as easy as it looks to get a full glove out over the red line. Didn't matter since we won anyway. But this brings up yet another problem with replay: apparently the only feeds they have are what the networks choose to show. Shouldn't they have their own automated cameras fixed on all home run borders? (And shouldn't this have happened last year?) I also wonder if they listen to the announcers and let that affect their decisions. (God knows we don't want them listening to Remy's opinion on these plays, the man is legally blind.) And I also wonder what happens when two or more replay decisions need to be made in different games at the same time! Do the umps get a message that says "your call will answered in the order in which it was received, your approximate wait time is...."?

So after that play, Papi walked, and the O's changed pitchers. Napoli was due up with the winning run in scoring position. They go to break. Commercials. Commercials. More commercials. I start getting worried. The goddamn heavy hitter is telling me his law office is open 24 hours. Then they play this chintzy local commercial again, and now I know the game must be going on, and I fear them cutting back to a celebration, with me missing the winning hit. Sure enough, they finally cut back, and the count is 1-0 and another pitch is on the way! Not only did we miss the new pitcher's stat-intro, but we missed a pitch which could have been a game-ending hit, and almost another one. Now this could have been unique to my cable company in my area, but somebody fucked this up and should be killed. Fine, just fired. Okay okay, suspended. Without pay!

So then Nap gets drilled on the kneecap in a move that that villain in Cloak & Dagger would have been proud of. Bases loaded, one out, crowd going crazy knowing we've already come back from 5-0. Carp lines to left. Pedroia breaks toward home. Ball caught. Pedroia heads back to third to tag up, though it's shallow and he's probably not going to even try to score. He hits the bag and bluffs for home as the throw goes by him toward home. He naturally heads back to third yet again. But either he sees out of the corner of his eye, or his coach tells him, the throw is going past the catcher! Dustin bolts for home. And in one last moment of slight uncertainty, starts to take his helmet off to celebrate but realizes that the pitcher has made a pretty nifty play backing up and playing the carom perfectly off the back wall, so he puts his hands back down and sprints through home as the throw to the catcher is offline and still late. He gives the safe sign as he crosses into victory-land. Sox 6, O's 5.

As for how they got there, Peavy didn't have it tonight. It was 5-0 going bottom 6, when Jonny Wadd hit a three-run dong. The next inning, a rally was aided by a transfer play (note to ESPN: the call wasn't controversial, the rule is), with Papi's single making it 5-4, and another Oriole miscue tying it. Napoli grounds to deep third. Guy tries for force at home, instead of turning an easy 5-4-3 inning-ending DP. Throw one-hops catcher, can't handle it, game tied. After that, Gomes went 2-0 and 3-1 but couldn't come through, and Nava struck out to end the threat, and the fun would have to wait.

Also, the O's got a leadoff double in their half of the 9th, but Miller got the next two guys. Then, Buck Showalter had Dmitri Young's brother on-deck, ready to pinch-hit. But since Farrell came out of the dugout before Young was announced, he was forced to make his move, at which point Buck goes back to the original hitter. At this point, I knew we were gold. Know why? Because baseball is the only one of the major sports where if you're taken out of a game, that's your night. Mentally, you're done. You can check out right there, remove the "game face," because it is illegal for you to play again in that game. And this poor sap had been told to grab a seat because a pinch-hitter will be replacing him. Then suddenly, Ooh, ooh, mistake, guess what, guy, we're able to let you stay in, grab a bat! I knew that motherfucker was striking out there. And he did. Weakly. Maybe if you were gonna pinch-hit Geno Petralli for Ted Williams, and you get a chance to stick with Williams after all, fine, go ahead and call him back. But when it's Delmon Young vs. David Lough, I say just go ahead and use the guy you planned on using anyway. Based on nothing other than the fact that the original guy is already gamefaceless.

Sox now in third place, 2 games out of first, 1 out of second.

We do it all over again in 12 hours. Morning baseball on Monday.

Sox Win, Yanks Don't

Didn't you think Holt's triple should have been a double and an error? Replay showed that he was about to stop at second when he saw Jones having trouble with the ball. Note: This is neither here nor here's longtime nemesis, there. And I'm sure Holt will take the three-bagger. I'm happy for him. Nice job by him taking over Ryan Roberts's spot. That guy was good at having tattoos but not good at not striking out.

The Keyser Soze Crew did their thing: Papi donged deep, Taz and Koji turned the lights off and turned the heat down to 62 before bed.

Doobie struck out 7 through 6 plus.

Sunday's game is on ESPN at 7:05, then it's the morning start on Monday. You can bet they'll be no BP that day. And probably not much B in the game either. I predict an 8-2 win Sunday and a 2-0 win Monday. Then the Yanks come to town to get the existing excrement exited from them. They lost by a score of 16-1 tonight in Tampa. To reiterate, 16-1. The I-Van "didn't go" in this one. So we're two out of first, despite being alone in last.

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