Assuming all goes according to plan, when you read this, I'll be at Fenway taking some pictures of 1918-style uniforms. So look for those soon.

Did you know that the last time the Cubs played a series at Fenway Park, the price of a dildo was 5 cents?!

If I want to hear someone tell me never to boo Johnny Damon, or that when the Red Sox won the World Series they became "just another franchise," or that the Red Sox and Cubs have nothing in common (as if all pre-2004 events have been erased from our memories), I can listen to Michael Fucking Kay.

I won't even link his article. Yes, I still boycott that paper he writes for and many of the other ones, but I noticed the headline when I was searching for info on something else. Namely, Fox's decision to give the Mets-Yanks game to all of Connecticut tonight. Meaning you could live closer to Boston than New York, and you don't get to see the Red Sox-Cubs game. In 2011.

Just the fact that the network leaves themselves with a choice of where to draw the dividing line is shitty. People are gonna complain, rightfully, wherever it's drawn.

Updated to add this video--hopefully they don't take it down, after all, it's not like it's game footage:



35 days ago, we were 2-10. And while sane people such as myself and anyone else who isn't either the media or brainwashed by the media said, "it's April." Now we're a half-game out of first place. With still over 100 games to play in 2011.

We scored double digits for the first time this season. And we also won by double dij's, with a 15-5 victory over the Cubs on their first visit to Fenway since....well I think you know by now.

A half out, and a half ahead of the third place Yankees.

Lester didn't have his best proverbial stuff, but our O put on the fun-fest so it didn't really matter.

Throwbax tomorrow night....if there were that many Cub fans there tonight, imagine what the Saturday game will be like. Of course, I am happy to welcome any long-suffering Cub fan to my park.

Wow, I never knew Randy Macho Man Savage, who died today in a car crash, was a minor league ballplayer. And Jimmy Piersall managed him in '73 when he was on the Orangeburg Cardinals (and was known as Randy Poffo).

Oh, and click here if you're a crazy religious person.

1.5 out of first after Crawford's walk-off hit, his third this month.

Great job by Pap getting the Boesch and Cabrera, who homered back to back to tie it the previous inning, with the bases loaded to send it to the bottom of the ninth.

Beckett was great but left after 6 with neck stiffness.

And we move into that Cubs series that we've all been waiting for. Throwback unis on Saturday!

Red Sox 1918 (home)
Cubs 1918 (road)

Shawshank "where are they now?"--including "Fat Ass"!

Did I mention there's a new Randomonium episode? Watch it later or something.

Can't get enough Michael Showalter. (Another thing I may have linked to recently, but if so, just watch 'em again, they rule.)

Verlander/Beckett tonight. Should be a good matchup. (Said the sports fan who doesn't realize the past isn't the future.)

Yanks and Balty, bottom of the 14th, right now. We won earlier 1-0, as Salt had a key RBI double in the 8th, and Pap, after giving up a leadoff double, got the next three for the save at soggy Fenway. So we'll move ahead of the Yanks if the O's can score a run here. Here we go:

Bottom 14: Andino flies out. One down.

Pie flies to deep right center. Two away.

Adam Jones up. By the way, Mariano blew the save in the 9th, and it's been 1-1 ever since. And Jones Ks. We go to the 15th. And it's only 11:36! These teams have both had multiple chances to win this game.

Top 15: Tex singles. Arod up. Single, Tex to second. They had 1st/3rd no outs in the 13th and didn't score, soo... pitching change for the O's.

Fuckin' Cano doubles. 3-1 Yanks, and now the O's pitcher hits the next guy in the helmet and gets ejected.

AJ Burnett pinch running! Sac fly, so it's 4-1 them. One out. Nunez quickly pops out, two out. And the inning's over. Bottom 15th coming up.

O's need three to tie. Markakis leads off....and singles.

Snyder walks! Tying run at the plate in wingnut Luke Scott.

Oh my fucking god, grounder right side, and the stupid runner gets hit by it. What an asshole. And the next guy flies out, and this one's over. Goddamn, I wanted second place tonight....but still: Number of A.L. teams with fewer losses than the Red Sox: 3.

Red Sox' official statement on Dice-K says he has a UCL sprain which they're re-examine in two weeks. Hopefully this re-examination finds that he magically healed, because UCL usually means Tommy John surgery, in which case we won't see the guy for a long time.

Sox v. Det, 7:10, scattered showers abound.

A lot of 11-years-ago me in this one, and some other stuff:




The posts that Blogger lost are now back up. Unfortunately, the comments from those posts are gone forever. (Update--Blogger says those comments will return, the waiting game continues....) Which reeeeally stinks in regards to the Bryant Park movie post, since the woman who does the Bryant Park blog actually commented on that one. So everything's about as back to normal as it's gonna get. I usually try not to bore readers with this crap but when stuff like "posts have disappeared" happens I just like to give you a heads up. Sorry about this terrible, terrible job by Blogger.

In horse racing, the "quarter pole" is a marker that indicates a spot on the track one quarter of a mile from the finish line. tl;dr: When you pass the quarter pole, there's a quarter mile left in the race.

Yet every baseball season, after 40 games, a thousand articles come out telling us how teams have done over the first quarter of the season. And they all talk about the season being "at the quarter pole." Isn't it odd that they even know about this term, considering they don't know what it means? Even if you used it 3/4 of the way through the season, you'd be a little less wrong, but it would still be meaningless, as a pennant race is not a literal race. (But people probably don't know what that means in our society where the word "literally" means its opposite.)

I was going to comment over at each of these articles in question, but there are just too many, as you can see in the samples below.


Know what else these writers could use? Originality!

The Yanks won, but since they beat the Raze, we move to 2.5 games out of first place. You know how long it's been since we were less than three games out of first? Since the second game of the season, when we were 0-2.

No baseball tonight in Boston. So we swept one from Balty. Tigers come to town tomorrow.

Here's one that turned out to be pretty easy: Opportunity Knocks was on TV the other day. Chan and I were huge fans. Back in the 90s, you could throw Carvey into any wacky situation, let him make a few faces, and we'd be hooked. We even saw Master of Disguise. In the theater!

Anyway, there's a scene where "Jonathan" and Milt go to Wrigley Field. There are two shots of game action. As per my personality, I attempted to figure out the game they used.

You can always spot a fake game, but this was obviously real footage from Wrigley. The movie came out in March of 1990, so it's likely that it was shot in '89. The visitors wore red hats/sleeves/stirrups, narrowing it down to the Reds, Phils, or Cards. The belt area is key, though. The Phils wore actual belts, and the Cards would have that blue stripe. The team in question has just a red/white stripe, so we've got the Reds. The first batter they show is a lefty with a single-digit number that looks like a 7. Lenny Harris fits this bill nicely--and the on deck hitter, a righty, looks like Barry Larkin, complete with what looks like an 11 on his back. In the second shot, we see what really looks like Chris Sabo foul a ball off. He turns around and it's pretty clearly a 17. The Cubs third baseman is in on the grass, and the pitcher is a lefty. It's a sunny day, crowd fairly full, but with a lot of in-crowd bustling, as if it's the first inning. (Which makes sense--you're not gonna show up late to the game you're supposed to be filming, and, since you're there to film, why not start right when the game starts?)

So I headed to retrosheet. Checked the Reds game log for '89. Clicked on their first Wrigley game, Friday afternoon, May 26th. And right away I knew I had my game. The lineup started Sabo/Harris/Larkin. (Meaning the second shot they show happened before the first.) I said to myself, "I bet the pitcher's a lefty." It was Paul Kilgus, sure enough, a lefty. Then I noticed that in the Sabo shot, Kilgus is going from the set position, and the third base coach's body language suggests a man is on first, unlike in the Harris at bat. So again I did some talking to myself, saying, "I bet Sabo reached first in his first at bat." Checked it, and he singled to center. That's when you know you've nailed it--when you think you know what happened already, and then you confirm it.

I checked the next two games in the series, and Harris didn't start those games, making Friday really look like our winner. (And the Reds weren't using the Sabo/Harris/Larkin lineup during any other Wrigley series.)

Weather check: Farmer's Almanac weather history shows no precip that day, got up to 71 degrees, 12 mph wind. That explains the sunshine, some sleeves and some bare arms.

So here's your game. The Reds would win it with 2 in the 12th.

And if you look closely, you'll see that the pitch that Harris "hits" that the Cubs make a great play on that Jonathan and Milt are so impressed by is actually a pitch that he didn't even swing at. And also, let it be known that I always liked Carvey's co-conspirator in that movie because he looked like Mike Greenwell.

[Side note: Yes I'm aware someone recently did this with the Wrigley game shown in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. So if you're new to this blog you should know that I do this stuff all the time, it's not inspired by that. I can't believe that other one had someone who worked on the movie chime in, though. How come that never happens for me? Maybe I need to do more well-known projects, and not, like, "that one Punky Brewster episode" or "the radio call in In the Bedroom" or "some random photograph."]

Down 6-0 to the Orioles in the 6th. And we come back to win it on Adrian's Wall ball double in the bottom of the ninth. Tied for second! Exclamation point!

What a crazy night on Remy's return. Just as the game's about to start, our poor neighbor knocks on our door to tell us her house had been broken into. So while that was the main thing on our minds, when I finally started concentrating on the game, I notice there are still no outs in the first well past 7:10. Turns out Dice had been nailed by a liner to the chest on the first pitch. All the while I was attempting to make doughnuts, following a recipe that takes like 4 hours.

Then after the Sox cut it to 6-5, I'm in the kitchen between innings, knowing from the sound of the commercial that I'm not missing the game. Suddenly, the commercial ends, and Remy and Don are talking about "that's the type of power he has" or some shit, and I'm like, Wait, what? It sounds as if you're describing a home run...yet the inning hasn't started yet. But it had. I rewound the DVR to confirm it--when NESN came back from the commercial, the hitter was between third and home, having just hit a dong we didn't see. (After several weeks of "research" on this topic in Joy of Sox game threads, we've figured out that some people will have this happen while others won't, meaning it has to be a problem on each individual provider's end. Still, NESN needs to be goin' around to these providers who are responsible for giving their content to the masses, and sayin', "you're showing the game, right? Verizon, game? Comcast? No commercials right on top of the action right? Just makin' sure we're on the same page...")

Fortunately, we were able to get the W. After Jed and Craw couldn't get a guy home from third in the 8th, Dustin worked a walk and was able to score the winning run from first on Gonzalez's high fly off the Monster with the Sox down one, men on first and second, one out. (Conversely, the Yanks were UP 5-0 and LOST. Hahaha.)

And remember my Super Bowl contest? The winner's prize was tickets for tonight's game! What a game "redsoxfandave" got to see! I hope he stayed for the whole game. (Dave, if you didn't, I recommend you just tell me that you did.)

Funny moment (to me) when Watney did a report saying how many fans don't realize the existence of day-of-game ticket sales. And that they sell them at, get this, face value! Gee, Red Sox, where would fans get the idea that you can't get tickets for face value? Could it be that you are teamed up with and constantly advertise for an online ticket scalper with ridiculous prices while face value tickets to the same games are right there for sale at your physical and online ticket office? Hmmmm. (Also funny that Heidi said something about how the lines for the day-of-game tix would be long this weekend for the Cubs games. Hel-lo? Ticket office. Right now. All three games avail-ablllle...)

Even if you don't read the article, scroll to the bottom to watch one of the all-time classic Mr. Show skits.

We win 7-5 to sweep the Yanks in the Bronx. And we're a .500 club for the first time this season. Next stop, first place. We sit one out of second, three out of first as we head home for dates with the Birdlanders, the Tiger Townies, and the North Siders.

Thoughts from tonight (and I will leave ESPN's incredible travesty until the very end to keep the happy mood going here):

The Salty dong was so key, to give us that two run lead late. Papi was wailing the ball tonight, two solid shots for a single and a double, and a dong to boot. (The ESPN announcers showed they know nothing of Papi's streak--at least one triple every year since 2000, only guy in the majors who can say that.) Youk's 3-run dong to erase an early 3-run deficit was huge.

Hilarious moment when Bobby V said Yankee fans had been "dull" tonight. This was followed up by shots of several fans in mid text. But Valentine disappointed me when he said Ted Williams went 5 for 6 in his last game of 1941. This isn't something I had to look up to know it was wrong--it's a pretty famous story that Ted went 6 for 8 on the last day, in a doubleheader. Even though I learned it when I was probably 8 years old, I still don't expect V to know it exactly--but I do expect him to not just make shit up figuring close is good enough.

The gratuitous Jeter shot count was low tonight, only about 300-400. Speaking of him, there was one play where Dustin stole a base by a lot. Jeter took the late throw way out in front of the bag, grabbed it very nonchalantly, and didn't even look back to make sure the runner didn't trip or overslide the bag. Am I saying Jeter did something wrong? No. But this is exactly the type of play where if someone else made it, we might hear "you'd never see Derek Jeter do that." That's what pisses me off.

ESPN thinks "Joltin' Joe" is spelled "Jolt'n Joe." But we know the Americans have trouble with any little line that looks like an apostrophe or quotation mark.

Crawford was a little off tonight. He swung at ball 3 in a key spot early, ruining a rally. Then he hit a grounder to Tex and hesitated before getting out of the box, and ended up being out on a really close play. Then he made that error (which made up for A-Rod's super-sweet one) that allowed the Yanks to cut it to one late. The weird thing is, I don't know how the ball got so far away from him. He went to reach down for it as it slowly rolled on the track. Then they cut to a shot of Granderson, and next thing we know, the ball is five-ten feet on the other side of Carl! And they never did show a replay so we could see how the ball got so far away or why it would have even gone in the direction it did. (Instead they showed a mini-feature on Pedroia and Cano.)

Okay, now on to the worst part of the game, thanks to ESPN. If you watched the game from the beginning, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If not, I'll fill you in:

Sometimes a network will miss a pitch for whatever reason. It's never acceptable, but usually there's a reason for it. And usually they cut back just in time so that you see the end of the pitch, or you get the announcer telling you what you missed. It's also usually at the beginning of an inning, with a commercial running long. But tonight, ESPN broke new ground in the world of pitch-missing. The first inning starts, and the Yankee Stadium Bleacher Cretins start with their traditional roll call. ESPN decides they're gonna show this. Not a brief bit of it, but a triple-split screen so that they can show a close-up of the fans chanting, the player saluting them, and, on one little third of the screen, the actual game, all at the same time. Now I grant you, I'm pissed already. I'm not missing the game, but I'm forced to watch it on a tiny screen, while also seeing these mouth-breathers do their little thing. Then between pitches, it's full screen for the bullshit. But then, while we're stuck watching Gardner salute the fans, we hear a crack of the bat. Gardner looks to the side. A foul ball has obviously been hit. Camera finally cuts to...more fans, more roll call. It's been a really long time since we've seen a pitch. In other words, the Red Sox-Yankees game is being played and ESPN is not showing it.

They finally cut back to the action for the next pitch...but no one says anything about the missed pitch. No replay, no "sorry we missed a pitch," not even a "here's what's going on in case you missed it (because we didn't show it)." They just acted like that pitch never happened. Allan at Joy of Sox said it was two pitches they missed. I can't confirm that....but how would I even know?? I would have rewound the DVR to confirm it all, but, unlike ESPN, I just wanted to watch the game.

I would be pissed had they purposely missed pitches for any reason, but the fact that it was done in order to show these meat-headed neanderthals throwing their feces around ruined the whole first part of the game for me. I hadn't got to see much of the first two games of the series, and here I am, waiting all day for the game to start, and that's what I get instead of it. (Of course, I attribute the early 4-1 deficit to this Massacre at the Cosmic Ballet Repertory Theater.)

[It should be noted that while I love making fun of Yankee fans when applicable, the terms I'm using in this case are specifically chosen for the right field bleacher crew at the Stadium and its predecessor.]

Don't you hate those NESN promos for upcoming games? I mean the ones that are voiced over by a guy with an almost mean-spirited, tough-guy attitude. Last week they did a "car"-themed one where they described the Yankees as "best in class." Now either they meant that the Yanks were in first place, which would be wrong since they were tied at the time and now out of first, or they just meant they feel the Yanks are better than the Red Sox--we can watch YES if we wanna hear that shit. Now there's a new one where they mock the Orioles for currently being in their "familiar place, near the bottom of the division." Again they've effed up in two ways, one for belittling the O's unprovoked, and one for the fact that the division's jumbled meaning all five teams are "near the bottom," and in fact, had the Red Sox lost last night, the O's would be ahead of us, and really could have moved closer to first than last between the time the commercial was made and the time it stopped airing.

Random stuff: Papi hugging people on the streets of New York. (Yes I sent in a video application for the Fan Cave job but some professional actor and Yankee fan got the job. Please note that there was also a written portion of the application where you had to make a prediction about the '11 season. Mine was that Adrian Gonzalez would win the triple crown--how they like me now?? Or something.... And yes I was in NYC this weekend and I knew Sox players--and Heidi Watney--would be doing things related to the Fan Cave and yes it would have been cool to try and check that stuff out in person but it didn't work out. But I did get to have my favorite concrete, the Shack Attack, so all is well. Oh and while we were in Madison Square Park we saw this scary thing. (photo not by me).)

Did you see that fight between the Sox and Yanks' A-ball teams? I missed some of it because the station I was watching refused to remove their giant graphic from the screen. I hate that crap. Anyway, that one guy (on our side) was kicking and punching like crazy!

This guy has footage of himself from 1977 through 2011.

Here's a documentary co-made by a friend of mine, Greg Bennick, in which they go around talking to people from the finest universities. People meaning, in this case, the janitors. I haven't seen this one yet, but I enjoyed the last film they did, Flight From Death.

I finally took part in a "group break." This is when somebody has an unopened box of baseball cards and sells all the cards from each team, before the box is opened. So you buy your team(s), then watch as the packs are opened in an online video, knowing that they'll send you all the cards from your team. I paid a few bucks for the Red Sox, and hoped for some kind of crazy autograph or a Yaz-used underwear card or something. And I actually got something cool, a Clay Buchholz autographed card. It was fun to watch the signed card slowly revealed, knowing when I saw the B on the hat it would be mine. (And fortunately it wasn't a scam--I did receive the cards in the mail.)

Tonight after Kim and I worked a show in NYC (she sells the soap, I'm just the pretty face that draws in the crowds--I also do change-making and car-moving), the Sox-Yanks game kept us company on the radio on the ride home. We heard Sterling and Suzyn for the first half, Dave and Joe for the second. So we got an hour and a half of hearing about the Jorge Posada fiasco as if it were the (what fans of the royal wedding think the) royal wedding (is). And then an hour and a half of hearing about how funny it is that Posada wouldn't play, along with how many thousands of Yankee fans were leaving the Stadium early.

The key is, Beckett was again amazing vs. the Yanks, and Adrian continues to gong-dong-silver away.

And whatever the hell happened with Jorge--I'm just glad the national audience got to hear about it. I love this stuff.

We're two back of them and four out of first. Another chance to get to .500 comes on Sunday night as we go for the sweep.