Can anyone explain this?

I've written before about the possible confusion regarding the chant of "2000" at yankee fans. Some people might want to chant "2004," because it's the year that takes the place of "1918." But that chant is all about reminding the rival team of how long it's been since they won, so "2000" would be the way to go. Although 2004 is now a great year in Red Sox history, and the all-time worst year for yankee fans, so maybe "2004" would be better. Well, I've always subscribed to the former idea, so I'm voting for "2000." And Theo had mentioned how he couldn't wait to hear the "2000" chant, so I think it may win out. But hey, I'll do both if I have to.

I ran into my friend Chris, who is the best kind of yankee fan: A smart, cool person regardless, and has been a baseball fan for decades, truly following his team and the game. It was the first time I'd seen him since "the collapse" and subsequent World Series sweep. We were talking about how things will be different now, and he said, "We won't hear '1918' anymore, we'll hear '2004'."

So if he thinks '2004' will be the chant, then I know most yankee fans just aren't going to understand what's going on when they hear '2000'.

I also hope that people chant whatever they chant in a new way. I'm sick of the four-syllable, five clap chant. I'm sick of 'em all, actually. Basically, you've only got a few types of chants: The two-syllable, mocking chant. ("Dar-yl, Dar-yl," also used with "ster-oids," "Ro-ger," "Bal-co," etc.) The two-syllable pro-home team chant. ("Reg-gie, Reg-gie," also used with "John-ny," "Man-ny,"etc.) The three-syllable, straight to the point chant. ("yank-ees suck," also used with "Bos-ton sucks," "Let's Go Mets," "Let them play," etc.) And the four-syllable, five-clap chant. ("Let's Go Red Sox, clap, clap, clap clap clap," also used with "Nine-teen eigh-teen," "Who's your dad-dy," "No-mar's Bet-ter," "It's not foot-ball," etc.) There's also the old school "Here we go Red Sox, here we go, clap, clap." But today's society doesn't have time for all that.

"2000" doesn't really lend itself to a chant. But if you say it as you normally would (Two THOU-sand), but just louder, and repeatedly, with a slight pause in between, I think that could work. It would sound like zombies, or a ghost army slowly approaching. Don't yell it, just say it, almost in a loud whisper. "TwoTHOUsand...TwoTHOUsand... TwoTHOUsand." Eh, not gonna happen. But at least I'm thinkin' over here.

My Girl Scout cookies came in today. (I order them from people at work who have kids. Female kids, specifically.) So I was psyched--until I saw the box that I had bought for my now ex-girlfriend. That was a sad moment I hadn't counted on.

But fear not. There's good news. I get to eat them all.

You know when you're working with dry ice, and, alright, when you see it on TV, and the steam is all thick and floats along really fast, and you say, "Cool, it's like fog," but you're just saying that because fog is the closest thing you can compare it to, even though fog's not really like that? Yes? Well the fog outside right now actually looks like that. It's the coolest fog I've ever seen. I guess when you get a foot of snow one day and 60 degree temps the next, the snow has to go somewhere. It really looks like the world is on fire.

That reminds me of an un- to moderately-interesting thought I have: Wherever you go, people will tell you how "crazy" the weather is there. "Nothin' like that New England weather." "This is California, you don't know what's gonna happen." "That's Florida weather for ya." And when I was in Nebraska, they had T-shirts that said "Nebraska: Nice one day, Ice the next." So my message to everyone would be: Settle down. Weather's weird everywhere. It's your SUV's fault.

The one place that's supposed to have consistent weather is Seattle, with its constant rain and dreariness. But when I went there, it was 80 and sunny every day.

Oh, and I was away from my computer last week when SoilSpaniels said that Delgado was about to sign with the Sox. But I heard about it, so a quick "terrible job" to that site for another classic.

I just saw "Da Ali G Show" for the first time last night, and I was laughing in an out-loud manner. (Sorry, I can be up to a decade late on these HBO shows since I don't have HBO.)

Last year, Steinbrenner got A-Rod and it was "He always does what it takes. He'll always spend the money. He'll never skimp because winning is too important to the great George Steinbrenner."

This year, he passes on Beltran, and all I'm hearing is "He decided he was at his limit, hey, I don't blame him."

That really bugs me. I'd like to hear these reporters say "We were dead wrong when we said he always spends what's necessary to have his team win. I guess money is more important than winning to George Steinbrenner."

Or better yet, "Maybe George is learning from the teams that really win to actually save a little bit of money instead of spending haphazardly."

Meanwhile, I'm still trying to get my hands on Opening Day tickets. Chan asked me what my limit was, and I just said, "I will be at that game." I can't wait to see the champs invade the Bronx.

This is the first time in my life that I will say that I'm not going to wait until the last minute to pay my taxes. I may still wait until April 14th, but at least for once I don't think I'm going to.

Moving on to the Jere-an Calendar. Everything's the same as it is now, except for the positioning of holidays. Thanksgiving moves up to the Christmas/Channukah spot, late December. Xmas/Chan move up to late February. "The holidays" should be at the end of winter, not right at the beginning. That way it'd be easier to deal with the snow, because at least you'd know that it's all leading up to the holiday season, and more importantly, some days off from work. So instead of these bleak, unspirited bad weather days of January and February, you'd have three festive winter months, leading up to a holiday season that wraps up just as winter does, and then right into spring training.

Memorial Day, renamed New Summer's Day, will be on the first day of summer, in late June. Make the "unofficial start of summer" be the official start of summer, because that's when the warm days start anyway. The Fourth of July, renamed the Fourth of August, will celebrate the true middle of summer. (Independence will be celebrated as a concept only, every day.) Labor Day, renamed Workers of the World Unite Day/New Fall's Day, will be on the last day of summer, in late September. September's always getting the shaft, not being included in summer, when 2/3 of it takes place in summer.

Halloween, in a surprise move, is divided into two days. The original Halloween will now be called "Halloween 2," and keep it's normal slot. "Halloween" will now be held on July 1st. Before noon, people will gather together to count up the seconds to the exact midpoint of the year, culminating in a really high number. Then normal Halloween activities will commence and continue all through that night. In leap years, the count-up will occur at midnight, since the midpoint of the year would be twelve hours later.

Then Thanksgiving gets moved up a month, as I said, kind of just to keep everything spaced out. But note that it's also two months from Xmas/Chan, to space out time between seeing the same relatives.

As for the minor holidays: Groundhog Day will only be a movie, not a day. Patriots Day will be abolished. I'm sick of that 11:05 AM game. Sorry. Baseball games should never start in the morning. Nothing should start in the morning. (See the Jere-an clock.) Flag Day, come on. I'm a little sick of flags at this point. Oh my god, April Fool's Day, I almost forgot. Eh, now that I think about it, it's overrated. Abolished. Valentine's Day: F that. St. Patrick's Day? Don't you people drink enough as it is? All the birthday holidays will stay the same. Only Jimmy Carter's Birthday is now a holiday. And October 27th is Red Sox Day.

The fact that Randy Johnson showed what a dick he is is awesome enough... But what made it hilarious was his choice of words: "Don't talk back to me!" "I don't care who you are!" Oh my god, what a dipshit. This is his reaction to a man who is (chances are) at least a foot shorter than him doing nothing more than pointing a (running) camera at him he makes his first appearance as a yankee. How dumb can a person be? And then he finished the exchange with "or you'll see what I'm really like." Nice one, Randy! So you've just shown everyone what an a-hole you are, but you want to make it perfectly clear that that's nothing compared to what you're normally like. Great job, guy.

This is almost as good as "Kevin Brown punches wall."

I am giddy over this. And Beltran signs with Mets to boot. Steinbrenner ALWAYS does what it takes, right? "Best player in the game? Eh, can't afford it." Maybe George is content with losing.

WFAN is reporting that the Mets have agreed in proverbial principle to a deal with Carlos Beltran. I'm really psyched about this. I suddenly feel a sympathy toward the Mets that I haven't felt since pre-'86 when I was a little kid who used to go to Shea and watch a really lousy team that happened to be close by. In the years since, I never hated them, but they were always just kind of easy to make fun of, especially these last few years. But I'd really like to see them take over New York from the yanks, and now they've got Pedro and supposedly Beltran, so it really might happen.

I heard a guy call Michael Kay saying how the Mets will never be the yankees, Shea will never be yankee Stadium, etc. It was so pathetic and hollow-sounding. Here's this yankee fan, knowing that his team just collapsed in historical fashion (to their REAL rival), acting all high and mighty about the team's rivalry with the Mets. I just imagined yankee fan listeners everywhere going, "Shut UP, dude! At least wait til we win again before we start making fun of someone else." The beauty part was, Kay, being one of those yankee fans, shot the guy down, saying, "Why can't the Mets be the yankees? They've got the money. Besides, they were the toast of the town in '86, and nobody cared about the yanks."

I still won't be watching the Mets on TV, though, or any other game that doesn't involve the Red Sox or yanks. Maybe when Pedro pitches I will. And I'm not one of those people that follows a player around and roots for his team, like when Chan became a Redskins fan because Danny Wuerfel from his college got drafted by them. I think that's weird. But it's kind of a special case when a player you love so much gives you a championship, then leaves to play for a team who is also a rival of your team's rival. So if Pedro happens to pitch the Mets to the World Series, and they happen to play the yanks, I can root for the Mets all-out in that Series, as opposed to '00, when I just said, Great, the Mets are who the yanks get to beat in the Series, and I didn't even really watch it.

Speaking of the Mets, I heard an ad on the FAN for the Riviera Cafe, which as you know is the Red Sox bar in NYC. They said that the FAN will be there giving away Mets stuff, and that whatever game you're looking for, it's on at the Riviera. So I hope this doesn't mean the Riv is changing loyalties, but I doubt it. And this has to be their first time doing something with the FAN, since Mad Dog had never heard of the place as of last season, and Mike Francesa totally ripped it during the WS, referring to the mob scene there as "twenty people around a table." I bet he's PISSED that his station is now advertising for the home of the Red Sox in NYC...I love it.