When we lose, we lose the most frustrating games. This was actually our plan to get the Yanks back in third, as they lose to the M's out west. I toldja we shoulda got Markakis.

Looks like the Indians will all wear number 14 to honor Larry Doby on August 10th.

Nice step in the right direction, Cleveland--now how about we do something about that logo. Now, hear me out on this. Picture it. A nice, big, green dragon. Ooh, a dragon. The Cleveland Dragons. You can make it smile, breathe fire, scowl, whatever you want it to do. Give it a nice forked tongue of you like. You can make it look like the one on Tic-Tac-Dough.

Here, I'll draw one up for you real quick:



Okay, that's more like a green cow with wings and elongated tongue. But whatever, I'm sure the marketing department could whip something up.

End the curse of the grinning savage, Cleveland!

It's 1 AM, and I'm nowhere near completing my research on the Red Sox' road uniforms of the 80s. Yes, I'm back on that again...

Sweep! Try to leave the roof open for Wake, will ye? He sees that and says, Fuck HUGH! Fuck Huuuuughhhh...

We're a magnificent seven games up on the second place Yan-- Orioles! Ha! The Yanks with their pitchers of dirt and batters of almost-enough-to-dig-out are percentage points behind the O's, in third, also 7 down.

I love how going into that first Yankee series, among all the other jumping-the-gun opinions the media had about our lineup, they just kind of passed off Youk, like, Let's see, at first they have Youkilis, nothin' there.... Uh, terrible job. He's up to .319.

Balty, Detroit, and Atlanta come in before it's back to the Terlet for three. Soon after that, it'll be June 1st, and we'll all get to see Clemens not pitch against the Sox, due to an injury to be named later.

Wang, aka the ace, gave up 7 runs on 11 hits today. Vizcano and Henn came in for some mop-up work, and also gave up 7 runs. Texas WINS! 14-2. However, Yankee announcers would have you believe the winner of this game, and savior of our planet, was Derek Jeter. Nothing new there, though.

I'd love to get Wake a win tonight and be 7 up on the division. The Jays are thinking about keeping the roof open, to hinder Wake's knuckler, even though they know rain is on the way. According to Castiglione, the field has no drainage system. Are they really risking ruining their own field to try to get a slight advantage that might not be real anyway? Terrible job, team that wants to be our rival but that we just don't care about. Why do I feel like this move will somehow end up helping the Yankees?

(AP photo) (no comment)

After Tito got his 300th win as a Sox manager two nights ago, my girlfriend asked if Jimy Williams had reached that plateau with Boston. We remembered he got that fateful Kerrigan-ified axe during '01, and I figured he started around '98, which would've given him somewhere in the 300-vicinity. Turns out I was wrong on the start date--it was '97. So Jimy is well above Tito, with 414 wins. In fact, only four dudes have led the Red Sox to more wins than Jimy did.

Joe Cronin easily tops the list with 1,071 victories. Next is Pinky Higgins, who managed in the 50s and 60s, with 560. (He also had 556 losses.) Bill Carrigan, skipper of the 1915 and 1916 champions, tallied 489 Ws (while losing 500). Jimmy Collins, the first person to manage a team to a World Series title, racked up 455.

After Jimy, Don Zimmer is the sixth and final member of the 400-club with 411. Eddie Kasko is next on the all-time list with 345, followed by Ralph Houk (who started when I was five years old, essentially the first Sox manager I have a strong memory of, though I vaguely remember Popeye aka the Gerbil) with 312.

And that's where Francona comes in. Last night, he tied Joe Morgan with 301 wins. Soon he'll pass the Magic Man for ninth, though it's good to know ol' Joe will stay in the Sox' all-time top ten for a good while. (Note to newer or younger baseball fans: this isn't the Joe Morgan you're thinking of...)

To Trupiano-fy* the top nine for you, we've got Cronin, Higgins and Carrigan; Collins, Williams, and Zimmer; and Kasko, Houk, and Francona/Morgan.

John McNamara fittingly is now just shy of the top ten, with 297 wins.

*One thing I won't miss about Trup' is the way he would give you each team's starting nine, then repeat them in three groups of three. Come on, Trup'. We got it the first time.

Finally Dice has a game without the dreaded "bad inning." Our pitching is awesome, and that's with the entire media ignoring Wakefield, who's doing better than anyone. And our offense, referred to by that same media as weak after two weeks in April, is third in the league in hitting. Yanks finally reach .500, to stay 6 back of us.

This series has gone exactly as I planned: two blowout wins. I didn't say it out loud for jinx purposes. But I thought we might have trouble against Halladay. So now I am saying that out loud, hoping for an anti-jinx.

More from the Metrodome from JS, aka the person who writes the blog Baseball Heavy. She covers the Pawtucket Red Sox like no other. And lots of other fun stuff. I go there all the time. Maybe you should take a good, hard look at your life and think about doing the same. Above: Paris Hilton, Julian Tavarez, Paris Hilton, and Tim Wakefield. (Just tryin' to get you a few more hits, JS!)

Is there a more comical entity in our world than Sidney Ponson?

Cora takes some swings. Note: These are non-digital, or "classic"-style pics, which JS was kind enough to scan in for me. I like the look of the older-school shots.

Awesome shot of Papelbon yawning.

Thanks, JS! Everyone else, if you're interested in taking "Sox-on-the-road" pics, click here.

Influenced by the comments from this post, I decided to link to this good cause. Donate if you want.

Nice win tonight. We handled the slumping Jays as we should have. Beckett's now 7-0. I think Dice-K is helping us in an interesting way. I definitely thought Beckett would do better than he did last year, not only because he pretty much had to, but because of the fact that with Dice and Schilling, he'd have to hold up his end to keep from becoming a number 3, when he could be an ace. And he has improved significantly. However, it seems like every other starter is stepping it up, too, and I think it could be for the same reason--to keep up with Dice. All four of our other starters are outpitching Dice-K, which is great for the team. This is one of the many mystical powers Dice brings to Boston. And once he gets on track, we could be mostly anti-stoppable. We'll see if Lester steps it up as well. I think he will. Like Papelbon, the kid's got gonads. (Note: Ovaries and testes are both gonads.)

Yanks bounced back from last night, when Mo gave up the game-winning homer. I didn't get to write about that game until now. Here goes. I missed that game. The Sox had the night off, and my girlfriend and I watched one of the greatest pieces of art of our time, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. After she fell asleep, I watched it again, with the music-only track complete with Danny Elfman's commentary. At that point, I just went to bed, deciding to get the Yanks' score in the morning. Very pre-internet-era, I know. This morning, I opted to find out how they did by checking the standings. I saw we were up 6 games, and a great weight was off my shoulders--I knew they'd lost their post "Traitor-returns announcement" game. So I went to their site for the details. I clicked on this article. Do me a favor. Read that piece of shit, pretending you knew no details from the game at all, like I did. What the hell is that? MLB allows that? Were you as confused as I was about that first paragraph, about the dirt and grass? They should've forced that writer to mention the 50,000 bad calls that have helped the Dunbars win 26 World Series. (Or the balls popping out of opposing outfielders' gloves, as in the game before and after that one.) I went over to the Mariners' site for what really happened: "Shitty Rivera Blows Game. Again."

Which is worse, Abreu being dropped to seventh in the Yanks' order, or "No Dice" Kei Igawa being demoted to single-A? Definitely the latter (Yankee fans: that means "the second one"), but after seeing that shit-eating grin on Abreu's face for the last few months of the '06 season, I love that he's shitting the bed.

More notes from tonight: On A-Rod's homer, the Yes cameras determined, for a record one millionth time, that the audience needed to know, while A-Rod rounded the bases, that Derek Jeter was clapping from the dugout. These are the things that don't show up in the boxscore, and why Jeter is the classiest player of all time, and a first ballot Hall-of-Famer. I don't know how he does it. I really don't. In Little League, when my teammates would succeed, I'd try to celebrate, but 90 percent of the time, my hands would miss each other, often resulting in injury. It's a skill you just can't teach.

When Lugo slid into second in the first inning tonight, Remy claimed that it looked like Julio's spike "got caught up," and he then lunged for the bag. Uh, Jerry? That's called the Patented Marty Barrett "Stop Short and Lunge" Avoidance Technique. You should know this.

Side note: I started talking to my girlfriend about It's Showtime at the Apollo the other day like it was Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Meaning, like a show I figured "everyone" is familiar with. She thought I was crazy. Are all you people who didn't grow up in the New York area not familiar with this show? After SNL? Anybody? I just figured we all were watching that one. Then again, I only recently found out Magic Garden wasn't a national show.

Now back to baseball: I saw a short clip of Scumbucket Clemens doing Letterman's Top Ten last night. The category was "what I learned from baseball." The one I saw Roger read was something like "It doesn't matter whether you win or lose...or at least it didn't when I played in Boston." Maybe if Roger hadn't slinked out of Game 6 with a fake injury, we wouldn't be talking about this... I tried to tell you all he was the worst kind of person. You should've seen the look on his fat face when he read this line. It was almost as disgusting as Suzyn Waldman's existence. What an ass. Now I know I'm commenting on something written by a comedy writer, but Roger was comfortable enough with the line to read it as if it were his own. So, terrible job by him. Such a pre-2004 joke. It's amazing how many Yankee people have actually made the conscious decision to erase 2004 from their memories. Embrace reality, Yankees, it'll help you get through things like the 2007 season. Want another example of Yankee fan "forgetfulness"? I got a comment today on an older post. Here's an excerpt (Yankee fans: that means "portion of"):

the sox are and always will be the number two team in the AL East.

Then he went into some homophobic stuff. You know, I felt so sorry for myself after I read that. He really hit me where it hurts. Someday, someday I tell you, the Red Sox will overcome and finally break this dreaded cur--oh, wait! I forgot about that time, very recently, when the Boston Red Sox were down three games to none to the classy, non-choking New York Yankees, and came all the way back, unlike any team in the history of the game had, and then went on to win the World Series! And I'm supposed to be upset about "number two in the east"? (I love how he claims the current number one team in the AL East is the number two team in the AL East.) I'll take number two in the east with a World Series ring over number one in the east and yet another choke.

Novy was in Minnesota this past weekend, and was kind enough to give me some pics. Sounds like she had fun out there. Check out her blog, "Novy, Raw!" for more on her trip and her unique brand of Sox coverage.

Here we come, like something out of Village of the Damned. Click any of these to enlarge.

The Mighty Oak, with secret beverage in glove.

Great shot of Josh, Coco, and Pap.

She had a pretty sweet seat for Saturday's game. Here's the view of the crazy dome. The lower deck seems steeper than a usual lower deck to me.

Pedroia's usual power stroke. Note the ball isn't going where he wants it to.

Papi.

Santana on the hill for the Win!Twins!

Now we move to Sunday, where Novy had a spot out in left field. If it were the 80s, she'd have had that plexiglass in her way...

The Mighty Oak's crazy no-look delivery. Note the ball over the ump's face.

Cora at the plate.

Tito argues a call.

Youk playin' first.

Finally, I love how there's a guy looking up at this picture, like he's about to be eaten by a giant Okajima:
Remember, all these pics are by Novy. Do not use without her permission... Thanks for the awesome pics, Novy!

Fitting, really. One person who started out in Boston before taking the money to go to New York fawning all over another. And saying "welcome home" at that. Home, of course, is where the heart-shaped piggy bank is.

Most dramatic thing she's ever seen? Waldman really is a great fit with Sterling. A perfect mix of phoniness and pomposity. Could there be a better representation of the Yankees organization?

A-Rod's last 11 games: 11-41 (.268), 2 XBH (0 HR)

Coco's last 11 games: 15-40 (.375), 4 XBH

So give Coco a break, eh? Now, about JD Drew. He kind of did what I wanted him to do--get off to a good start. It's such a big deal, even if you're not the new guy. (See the booing of Coco.) But I was kind of hoping he wouldn't fall off dramatically after the good start. Drew's last 10 games: 4-34 (.118). Terrible job. But by getting off to the good start, he avoided the boos. At least he's built up some support, and therefore isn't spiraling out of control. And while I've seen the good he can do, I've also seen the reasons why other fanbases have been frustrated by him. Empy pointed out early on that he takes an odd path to balls in the field. I think specifically this happens on balls hit in front of him. He'll either break back or start going sideways before moving in, and then it'll land in front of him. He's got speed on the bases, but where is it in the outfield? Hopefully he breaks out of his slump. We don't want to be stuck without a five-hole hitter again. But Manny's been improving while Drew's been slumping, so sometimes it doesn't matter who's hitting behind who.

Lugo's recent 3-17 slump has his average down to .221. But hey, Alex Gonzalez is only outslugging him by 218 points, no big deal...we weren't looking for offense out of the shortstop position or anything... ("Prove me wrong, Lugo, prove me wrong!" (say in Principal Skinner voice.))

Check out the last question in this mailbag. Allan W.! (That's Joy of Sox to you and me, kids.) However, don't read the question before it, or you may barf. To think, a person from Boston wrote it... That's almost like asking what the big green wall is called.

Lost in the shit-ffle yesterday was the Sox' sweet win vs. the WinTwins. Schill to Oak to Pap. Perfect. We're 5.5 up on the now second-place Yanks.

Update: Sam's annual roster photo thing.

Roger Clemens just announced he's going back to the Yanks. No, I mean literally, he announced it over the PA at Yankee Stadium to the crowd. I love it! The traitor pig goes right where he belongs! And now we get to kick his ass!

All Sox fans who wanted him: Do you get it now? Will you finally get over your inexplicable love for this horrible, horrible man? After this season, will you still want him to have some kind of fake, never-was-gonna-happen "glorious" return to "bookend" his career "where he belongs"?

Roger Clemens announced to all Red Sox fans that he hates us the second he went to the Yanks the first time. Were you all too fucking blind to see him literally (not figuratively, literally) kissing and rubbing the face of Babe Ruth before every game he pitched for the Yanks? Please, everyone, get on board the "hate Clemens" express. It's so fun! You get to root against that fat traitor swine. I couldn't see how it would make sense any other way.

Red Sox lose close game that they really should've won and stings like hell, while Jere finds out Yanks have no-hitter in seventh, flips it on to see it fortunately come to a quick end. Didn't these same things happen Tuesday night as well?


This is what happens when you drive while on the phone, drunk, without a seatbelt. You die, but more importantly, you risk the lives of innocent people. I had thought it would've taken some beloved celebrity's child by a cell-phone-talkin' driver to make people start to rethink this whole cell phone thing. Maybe what happened to this Josh Hancock asshole will. But since he only killed himself, nobody will do anything. I still wanna know who all you people are talking to. I've talked on a phone, like, twice in the past two weeks, and my life is totally fine. If I did absolutely need to speak with someone, I sure as hell could wait until I finish what I'm doing first.

You'll notice I'm more pissed about the phone than the drunkenness.

Some MLB teams are supposedly tightening their booze-in-clubhouse rules, but, whatever, that's not gonna do anything. If we're all still taking the wheel while boozed up, we're never gonna realize that when we (meaning most people, not me) talk on the phone we drive/walk like we're in a drunken stupor anyway.

I think our only hope is that the next generation will have grown up with cell phones and their parents will be able to teach them how to drive while reminding them to use their phones only in an emergency. Or something. I don't know.