Beckett vs. Buehueehuhuehuehheurle, 2:0somethingorother.

And I'm looking for George and Tara from Westwood, Mass. Remember them? If you were on vacation in Puerto Rico with me in 1987 you would. George would go around using his hands like crab claws calling them "my boobie twaps." When my sister--who was 15, three years older than me--asked George if she and I looked alike, George innocently replied, "Yeah. Except you got wittle wed dots on your face." Ouch! Then me and George snuck onto the roof of the hotel. Then we never saw them again. I do remember they were from Westwood, though, because I later noticed in the Welcome to the Jungle video some stock news footage of fires with "Westwood" on the screen. Which I found out to be Westwood, California. But anyway, anybody out there grow up in Westwood, MA? You know George and "Tawa"? Shoot me an e-mail. Next week: Dan and Lisa from Suffern, NY. And maybe that girl from Torrington.

Before the season, I was pissed at the way some writer nonchalantly called Jon Lester was the "co-ace" as if everyone felt that's what he was. I'm about the biggest Lester fan you can be, and always have been--I just thought that was a little disrespectful to Beckett. But if Josh keeps pooping the pull-out, people are gonna start calling the Lymphomatic Lefty the ace, if they aren't already. A fine performance from Wicked Lester in Blow-town today.

The game only looked a little shaky when "Hey mommy, it's your phone sex ad" gave up a dong to make it 3-1 in the eighth, but Vik-E Mart gave us a key insurance homer in the 9th, and we win 6-1.

Yanks got sponked by the Jays, so we're back to 7.5 back.

I'm wondering if this week the Red Sox send me playoff ticket info.... Since I've (somehow) changed addresses during every year my 10-game plan has existed (except for 2006--the one year in that time we didn't make the playoffs), I always worry there's gonna be a problem with getting my ALDS tickets. In 2009, I have not moved. Nothing to worry about. Just gotta get the team into the playoffs. But that shouldn't be a problem.

If Ichiro goes 1 for 5 with a walk in his next 6 plate appearances, his career MLB numbers will be:

PA 7000
AB 6000
H 2000

For a .3333333333 average, of course. This guy's 35. Can he play 11 more years, getting 200 hits a year? That's about what he'll need to challenge the man who gambled and lost repeatedly...at the barber shop.

Ichiro had 1278 hits in Japan, meaning his combined total should pass Rose's mark in about five seasons. So that'll be cool, I guess.

Red Sox against the team that really stinks but that we seem to be failing against, 2:00-esque.

Crappy Red Sox game today, which I saw most of before heading to the last Pawtucket home game of 2009. Click pics to enbig.

This was my first solo Paw game, so I went around and got shots from different angles. I had a voucher that I was supposed to exchange for a free GA ticket. When I got there, the crowd was so huge, I didn't think there would be any tickets at all. Some people were even passing me, going back to their cars, asking if they could get their $2 parking fee back. I assumed that meant they'd gone all the way to the ticket office and were shut out. So you know what I did? I just walked in. There was a gate, it was open. I went through. It kind of stinks that I wasted a sneak-in on a game I had a free ticket for, but still, it really may have been sold out, so I was glad to be in the building.

A Syracuse batter does the Jeter Jackknife.

Keep staring at this picture and you'll see the sky through the backwards bear. Or try this version:

Weird. Moving on...

Vaquedano kept looking up and smiling after I took his picture once, so I took this one.

From out in CF.

I liked the view from the ET Grasso Knoll. I should sit out there next year. On a less crowded day.

I swear I didn't square this up so Dixie Chicken would be the centerpiece. Didn't even notice the shirt until I got home and uploaded.

Looking through the back of the visitors' pen.

This dude was warming up. See video which doesn't capture how fast he was throwing below.



Lopez somehow pitches at every Red Sox and PawSox game I go to. Hey, if I'm supposed to be saying "Puh-TUCK-it," am I also supposed to call them the "Puh-SOX"? I like the "paw" syllable in general, so I'm going with that in both cases.

Friend of the family Jeff Natale, after his double that put the game out of reach.

So I knew ahead of time they were having the "last game celebration," so I planned to go down by the home dugout at the end. I went down, and watched as the announced the '09 PawSox for the last time.

The low-number crew, including the last shot of Carter in a Red Sox uniform. He was interviewed before this line-up, and talked about throwing out baseballs, which is what turned out to be in those bags. I was hoping to "get stuff," and it turned out that was the "stuff."

So the intros ended, and they went to throw their balls. I was right where I wanted to be. And I caught the first ball thrown! Dusty Brown came right toward me, and lobbed it up, and I snagged it. That was great, because then I could enjoy a pressure-free throw-a-thon, just watching it all and taking pics. Actually, another ball went between me and the woman next to me. I knew I'd be giving it to her, but I caught it anyway. In that split-second before she realized I was gonna give it to her, I could see the anger in her face, before it turned to joy. Below, the video of the free-for-all:



And here's the soft little ball:

If the PawSox had thrown the ball this season with the enthusiasm they showed during this fan-toss, maybe they'd be in the playoffs right now!

Sox and Sox on Fox, now. Wake is, again, back.

Once again, a national host (that Fox guy) is under the assumption that we Red Sox fans refer to Kevin Youkilis as "Youker." And once again the guy did it in the Boston accent, as if it's something he's constantly hearing, when in reality, no one has ever said it.

I thought I'd mentioned this on my blog before, when I heard an ESPN anchor do the exact same thing, but it turns out I only said it in the comments of this Joy of Sox post, in August of 2008. Search Youkah to find my comment.

Len Giles, the sponsor of Rollie Fingers' BR page, has used his little area there to claim that Rollie "defined closer back in the day." Why is that a bad call? Because nobody said "closer" back then! Come on, Len, you seem like you're at least as old as I am--don't you remember when we all used to say "fireman"? "Closer" didn't come about until the late 80s. The sponsorship expires in a few days, somebody should snatch it up and call Rollie a fireman!

I saw some of the '74 World Series today, and Vin Scully kept calling him "Roland" Fingers. I'd never heard to him referred to as anything but Rollie, so I did a news search, and while he was sometimes called Roland in the early days, the Rollie nickname can be traced to his prep school days. I saw him mentioned as early as March 1963. (Note to other nerdy researchers: on the Google News search, watch out for articles from the 80s labeled as ones from the 60s, due to 6 kind of looking like 8 in old newspapers.)

Amount of money Yankees have spent on player salaries since 2001: $1.578 billion.

Championships in that time: 0.

I was getting all this Japanese spam in my comments, so I went to my Statcounter to see if I could figure out where it was coming from. I noticed that the person who went to the post the spam was on came from another blog which had me in their links section. I waited until the next spam came, and sure enough, they came from that same blog again. My next step was to ask the writer of that other blog if they were getting Japan-spam, too. If they were, that would completely confirm that the person coming from their blog to my posts with the spam was this person (or robot), going from blog to blog and leaving their shitty fake comments.

So I went there, and found out it was a personal blog written by a couple, who happened to be Sox fans, and had a few Sox blogs in their links section, including this one. They had no e-mail address listed, so I very politely asked them in the comments section of their to post if they were getting the spam, too. I even explained that they could go ahead and delete my comment so it wouldn't clutter up their space--the point was to just contact them.

While I waited for their answer, I checked my Statcounter again and saw that who I thought was the spammer was located in central Mass. And this other blog's writers were also from there. So I got nervous, thinking, Okay, maybe the person coming to my blog was just one of the innocent writers of that blog. (Even though that would be quite a coincidence, considering a spam comment appeared right when they came to my blog, to a specific post that no one else came to anywhere near that time. Twice.)

So I went right back to their blog and said to just forget it, maybe I'm wrong, and then I deleted both my comments from there.

That was a few days ago. I never had a good feeling about this since they didn't respond in any way. I worried that they saw my comment, took it as an accusation (even though I made it clear I was not accusing them), and said Screw this guy. Well, I went back to their blog today, and I was off their blogroll!

So, to the writers of Adam and Erin Morris' Adventures in Life, what's the deal? When I saw I was linked at your place, I was psyched, because you seemed cool and I was glad to be one of the few Sox blogs you linked. I was just asking you a question, but you didn't respond, and now I'm off your list! I don't feel like I did anything wrong here. You have the right to not link to my blog, I'm just why "asking a question" is grounds for dismissal.

Even after tonight's shit-fit in shytown, we're still within a couple games of the first-place teams in all the other divisions. I'm just sayin', that's how good our record is.

Halladay one-hit the Yanks tonight. I love it when Joba looks like this! Which is all the time! That ERA is gradually climbing.... I've been feeling all year like it's lower than his performances have suggested. But I bet the WHIP is really high. I'm checkin' the WHIP. Hold on...

Oh, yeah. We're talkin' 1.53. For a comparison, think of how shitty John Smoltz has pitched this season. His WHIP is 1.44.

Everybody's hailing the Yanks as automatic champs (I've heard that before...). They just better hope CC doesn't bomb in game one. Because after him (he's not that great in October anyway), you've got Grandpa, and then AJ, who's having trouble lately AND has never pitched a playoff game. And then Joba I guess. Their pitching isn't looking World Series-ish to me, and that's the key to winning in Octo-month.

Red Sox at White Sox, tonight. Paul Byrd for us, and for them...I don't know, The Baseball Kid?

Am I the only one on the side of the guy who punched the other guy last night? I'm not saying I would've punched the other guy in that situation, but hey, if you go up to somebody unprovoked and not only razz him, but actually purposely make contact with him, don't look for too much sympathy when you get your pompous ass clocked. People are calling it a cheap shot and a sucker punch! What the hell? That white boy was doing the classic "walk away with a smirk on your face because you just showed your jock pals how cool you are." And the other other guy pulled a McFly and actually nailed the unsuspecting bully. I was under the impression that that's when everyone claps....

Now maybe there's more of a back story to this that I don't know about. But all people are coming up with is that the puncher has been in trouble before...for not meeting team obligations. He's a wild man! From what I can tell, the only thing this guy was guilty of was not getting any yards in the game, and then having somebody on the other team try to rub it in his face and not expect any consequences.

And no, I have no allegiances here. If I had to, I'd choose Boise State over Oregon, since I'm still happy Boise St. beat Oklahoma that time, and Oregon has their own show on the Yankees' network, or at least they did a few years ago. But I am on the side of the Oregon guy here.

"If you believe in 'tie goes to the runner'...," said Don Orsillo. Is the rule book really something you can choose to believe or not believe in? Well, I guess it is when it comes to the strike zone and the phantom tag. Is there a band called Phantom Tag? How about Spikes High and the Phantom Tags? Where was I? Oh, right--"believe" it or not, a tie only sometimes goes to the runner. It's complicated. Check the rule book.

HH looked like crap in the first. But he looked like the opposite of crap (and I don't mean pee) the rest of the way, and we got a nice W, and won a series in Tampa for a change. Youk continues his great (and expected) offensive season.

We're rollin' toward Oct.

Answer to the "holy diver" joke from a few days ago: Jacoby made the diving catch on Burrell, whose at bat music is Dio's "Holy Diver." Nothing cracks me up more than Dio songs. Kim actually got Holy Diver as her ringtone, so when the Sox play in Tampa, it plays often in our house. Tonight, when Burrell was up, we cranked the TV volume. The song just goes on and on! The dude's practically swinging at the first pitch when they finally fade it out. Sometimes the lyrics start! We were joking about the person in charge fading it out, and then when the pitcher's about to wind up, cranking it real quick on that "jump! jump!" line. Ah, that Dio....endless entertainment. Did you know if you turn the Dio logo upside down it spells Devil? Yes!

In the bathroom at work: Hands under faucet, water runs. Hand under soap thing, soap comes out. Hand under paper towel thing, towel comes out OR hand under heater, heat comes out.

So this is the future. How does it feel?

A little lazy.

Red Sox at another team, 7 o'something.

Hi. Kim's latest soap smells incredible. Peach freakin' cobbler! And I'm not just mentioning this because I came up with the title--Hot Fuzz.

In the eighth, after the Beelzebub Raymonds handed us the tying run on a bronze dish, we had second and third, one out. And not only did Gonzalez and Ellsbury strike out, but they didn't try to run to first when the catcher dropped the ball. I think Alex was about to, when he got tagged out, but it seems like Jacoby could have started to run. The go-ahead run's on third! Make the catcher make a throw!

Two batters into the next inning, they had the lead again. Then, while I was getting garbage together (including from my Spider-Man can I got in the 70s, still with Bradlees tag) to bring outside, the Rays quickly added two more. And that was it. I was hoping to just not find out how that happened, but TC told me it was Fay-Rod with a dong. That asshole was show-ponying just like A-Rod does, on an earlier foul pop that he couldn't get to. You know what I mean? The high-stepping trot that says, "I know you know I know you're watching me but the more I pretend I don't know, the more you can tell I do know."

Too bad Beckett came right out with the goph. balls tonight. He did settle down--hopefully that's a sign of non-homerific things to come for his opponents.

Seems like every time I check, our record is exactly what it was after the same number of games last season. And here were are again, 77-55.

NESN outdid themselves on the "film the ball only" routine tonight. They did it on a ball that almost landed on the infield.

Yanks played the Orioles again, so you know what happened there. We're 7.5 out with 30-ish to play. If the playoffs started today, I'd write my congressperson.

Red Sox vs. Tamp., soon PM.

I don't know if it's Verizon or NESN, but on Red Sox games, the sound on the commercials is all effed up--sounds like everyone who talks is a snorting pig. It was kinda fun at first, but now we have to mute the ads. Which we probably should be doing anyway. Instead we're constantly singing "why ku may why ku may why, why ku may why ku may why, oh ah seh was sa uh schwee-uhhh." You know, the backyard hotdog ads....

8 (almost 9!) to 4 win in the anti-awesome dome, as Pap gets a two-inning save. Bob Stanley used to do that in his sleep!

You know what I wanna see? A Lester vs. Joba match-up in the ALCS (if the Yanks get that far), so everyone gets to see Lester shutting guys down and then walking off the mound stone-faced, juxtaposed with Joba going his usual four innings, walking five, but still acting like every inning is the last one ever played and that by merely ending it, he has saved the world.

And Yankee fans might say, You've got Papelbon and he bla bla bla bla classiness 26 bla. Papelbon ends the fucking game, not the fourth. And his excitement is directly proportional to how awesome he did, as opposed to just going to the excitement template every single time. If you've ever seen K-Rod, you realize how little celebrating Pap's doing after the final out. (And by the way, when I make fun of Joba's short stints, I'm not talking about the pre-determined ones, I'm talking about how he just doesn't last that long in his starts in general.)

Ellsbury robbed Burrell with a holy-diver catch. I'm guessing 2 to 5 percent of you get that joke. Prove me wrong, children, prove me wrong....

Anyway, he also had another key diving catch in the eighth. Loaded, none out, two in, tying run on, and we get out of it with no further damage. Very key. Why Burrell didn't just tag and go, I don't know. As Rice just said on the post, "you don't need a coach for that." And good job by Wagner tonight--he's got Billy Joe Robidoux's number, too.

We're still honored citizens of Dong City, with several tonight, after a 50-homer August. Unfortch, the Yanks also hit lots of dongs in their win over the hapless O-Birds, who are, like, 30 games out. The good news is that A.J. gave up 6 earned on 11 hits in 5.1 innings.

That Evan Longoria just keeps pissing me off with his little A-Rod routine. Like I've said before, the only thing worse than A-Rod is someone who wants to be A-Rod.* That play when he dropped the ball to try to turn two--he was so embarrassed and A-Roddy, making a weird face to cover up what he did. It's funny when someone who's obviously guilty** tries to come up with a "casual" face--it just makes it worse. I can see someone imitating the stance, the swing, wearing the same number, but the stupid goddamn mannerisms and obvious self-esteem issues? Maybe he was just born with those and figured he might as well study A-Rod's game to round out the image.

Janet Marie Smith is leaving! Nooooo! I hope she knows that the people who knew Fenway before she came, and have watched it become what it is now, appreciate her efforts. I guess she finished the major stuff and now she's ready to move on....good luck to her.

Good stuff coming up:

New Michael Moore film (Capitalism: A Love Story) in October.

New Mike Judge movie (Extract) this Friday.

New Curb episodes September 20th on HBO--the Seinfeld cast will be hangin' around this season.


*Except for a Yankee fan cousin of mine who apparently was obsessed with A-Rod from a young age--when A-Rod wasn't even on the Yanks yet. He's a good kid. He just makes odd decisions sometimes, I guess.

**not to say that the play was cheating--it's just that he tried to do a deceptive play and then fake like it was an accident


Oh! Just as I was about to publish this post, it happened! You're not gonna believe this, but on NESN's post-game, they showed a Posada home run, using, what else, the YES feed, and guess who they showed in the dugout?! Clue: He had absolutely NOTHING to do with the play! Yes, it was Derek Jeter. Once again, dear NESN: It's bad enough we have to see this from YES and the national networks, but can I please watch the Red Sox channel without having to see a Derek Jeter DUGOUT REACTION to something he didn't contribute to???? Thanks, assholes! I'll come up with yet another analogy....hmmmm... I don't need to know what Tony Danza's mother's Christmas village display's paper boy is doing every time Ace Frehley takes a big fat dump in his dogsitter's outhouse, and I don't need to know what Derek Jeter is doing in the dugout EVER.