Saturday, May 07, 2005



Go there for all your Red Sox needs and much more. This is for anyone coming from Feedster, since I'm guessing that the blog mentioned above is being left out due to it's title, which (cover your ears, Jesus) has the word "bullshit" in it.

Feel free to email the Feedster and request that, aka Bullshit Memorial Stadium, be put on "the list."

I'm sitting here waiting to start my rainy drive to Fenway, hoping that if they call this game, they do it now.

Also, I'm New York less than a week, and already I'm quoted in the Daily News. Nice. Click here for the article. I'm called a "Massachusetts transplant," which is only off by one state, but that's no big deal. I'm just proud to be in a paper whose back page shows a huge picture of a dejected Derek Jeter, with the headline "YANKE-E-E-S."

Friday, May 06, 2005


I just watched a story on Channel 9 New York about "the best bars to watch the game" in the city. In the second one they mentioned, one of the people they talked to was a woman wearing a Red Sox shirt. The third one they mentioned was the Riviera. Which is a Red Sox bar, as you know. They gave a little report on "how the other half lives."

Looked like a sweet scene down at the Riv. Made me wish I'd taken the subway down there tonight.

There's been a lot of talk about the Red Sox bars in NYC. Everyone says how the other ones are crappy, and that people should go to theirs instead. All I know is, I've only been to the Riv. Three times, including Game Six of the '04 ALCS. It was awesome, and it looked awesome on TV tonight, despite the bartender getting fired or whatever.

So maybe I'll go down there Sunday. (And eventually to all the others. But remember, I can't give you a beer review, because I won't be drinking any.)

Tomorrow I'm going to Fenway. I hope if they call the game, they do it before Pat & I get all the way up there. If any of you out there has some kind of secret knowledge, and finds out before everyone else that the game will be called, can you please let me know? Thanks. Why do 80% of car trips to Boston take place in the rain? I've never understood that.

They Only Come To Boo

"Just about the time you come to yankee Stadium and say they've hit an all time low, it gets a little worse." --yankee announcer Jim Kaat

The faucet on the baseball gods' gift-shower is officially stuck in the "on" position.

It's the boos at the Stadium that really give me goose bumps. What a tenth inning it was. First, Jeter has trouble with a ground ball, everybody's safe. Then Tino bobbles a grounder with the bases loaded, still thinks he has a shot at the guy at the plate, so as he steps within one inch of the first base bag, he throws it over the catcher's head, and two runs score. He could've at least stepped on first while throwing. It's not like it would've made the throw go any wilder than it did. Then A-Rod gets into the act, and misses a fairly easy grounder. Then Mariano walks in a run. 6-3 A's.

And in the bottom of the tenth, Jeter goes for his classic bloop to right, which would've put the tying run at the plate, only for once the outfielder is actually aware that he might be doing this, and is played really shallow, and makes the catch. Then Posada pops out to end it, prompting my best friend to say:

"What's left of the crowd at yankee Stadium...booing them into the clubhouse."--Michael Backwards Kay

Just a side note. Since Andy Phillips had his big day, when he officially became the latest member of the TMS Society (Timo Perez Syndrome), he's had 2 hits in 19 at bats.

Great jorb by Clement tonight. Love our pitching. Except for Blaine Neal. Hopefully he comes around. Six and a half up on the yanks. And finally a little separation from the Jays. We're 2 back of the O's, Jays are 4 back.

E-Mail From Mom

"Hi Jere.

I told a friend of mine how you arrived in NYC just in time for a grenade to go off.  She says you now qualify to buy the t-shirt that says:  Welcome to New York Fucking City.

The Yankees are in last place and we can't even say, Now you know how it feels!  Because we're NEVER in last place.



Thursday, May 05, 2005

The Buyers In The Cellar

It's like Christmas every day at my house.

To a life-long yankee hater, it doesn't get much* sweeter than when you hear yankee highlights on the radio accompanied by Carmen, aka the BAD NEWS BEARS music.

And that was before tonight's loss by the yanks, which tied them for last place(!) with the Devil Rays.

Last night it was so funny, watching the game with Chan. Chan's a yankee fan who hasn't followed baseball that much lately. So I'm sayin,' "Henn started for you tonight." And Chan's like, "Who?" And I say, "Sean Henn. Double-A pitcher. And Wang goes again tomorrow night." Chan: "Who??" "This dude Wang," I say, "and that dude must be Robinson Cano." And you know what Chan asked me about that. I'm not even making fun of Chan, either. He only missed a couple of days.

And I heard that Kevin Brown thinks his eight run, thirteen hit outing was due to bad luck. What a fool.

Today, when I came in to work, this yankee fan friend of mine came up to me and said, "The yankees suck."

When I told her to come over to our side, she declined my offer, saying that she'd "rather be a loser."

The world has flipped upside down when you hear a yankee fan say that phrase in such a way that clearly implies "I'd rather be a loser (like I am for rooting for the last place yanks) than root for the Red Sox."

So, if the yanks are in last place, and their fans are admitting that they do indeed suck, why are we not supposed to say that they do again? Oh right, because people in the Boston media think it isn't classy, and want the almighty New York media to "respect" them, so they tell us what to think. Screw 'em. The yanks are a shitty team, they've been proving it in historic ways lately. Let's state the truth with pride.

Oh, and it means we're "obsessed" with the yanks, and everyone's making fun of us. False. Everybody who isn't a yankee fan hates the yankees. That's why they chant "yankees suck" at their own parks.

And that brings me to the thing about how we Sox fans all seem to think that "everyone's sick of us." Now, I don't think I'm think I'm that naive. So I'm just going to say this. I don't think baseball fans as a whole suddenly hate the Sox or their fans. Again, all these people hate the yanks, so I think they're happy to the team that yankee fans make fun of make the greatest comeback of all time against the yanks.

And when people talk about how the Red Sox documentaries and shows and books about 2004 need to stop...why is that? Did they think that when this near-century long drought ended that it wasn't going to be a big deal? Look at the coverage any championship team gets, even if they'd won the year before. Then multiply that by, uh, some number that means the Red Sox won for the first time in 86 years and did it in a way that's never been done before in baseball, and that's how much coverage the 2004 Red Sox should be getting. I say keep it comin'. If somebody's clearly doing something for the sold purpose of making money off of it, that's a different story. But surely a lot of these people complaining bought some 9-11 sticker for 5 bucks that could have gone somewhere that might have helped to solve the world's problems, instead of to some sticker-making dude's drug habit, just so they could look as (faux-) patriotic as their neighbors.

I'm getting away from myself. Uh, Arroyo did awesome today. I still say he's our number two starter. I'd love for there to be some kind of press conference where they say, "Bronson Arroyo has proven himself as one of our five starters. End of story."

I still can't believe there's a guy on the Tigers named Nook Logan. My initial nickname for him was, of course, "Aerosmith's In My Breakfast" Nook Logan. But then I heard Castiglione pronounce the name today, and it turns out it's pronounced like "nuke." So then I decided it should be Nook "ids On The Block" Logan. But Chuck Knoblauch already has that one. So maybe Nook "oncourses At" Logan?

Getting back to the yanks, the Mets need to pull ahead of the yanks in that race. Seriously, Let's Go Mets. Time to take advantage right about now. Take back this city. (If only it was that simple. When they get popular, it'll just be due to all the fans who rooted for the yankees in their now gone-and-forgotten late nineties run jumping on the (ironically Pedro led-) Mets bandwagon.

In the Derby, I see Steinbrenner's horse having a big lead, but blowing it right before the wire. $2004 to place. Actually, to be more current, I should just assume it'll finish last.

Coming soon, I'd think, will be some kind of in-depth post about me moving to New York.

*But it doesn't get ANY sweeter than last October, of course. Especially if you're the die-hard Red Sox fan type of yankee-hater.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005


I live in New York City. This is so cool. Chan's good at finding hot spots. Saw Sox win, yanks lose in a bar. This hot spot may not last. Won't have real internet for a little while. But will blog when back in CT tomorrow.

Less Wait/More Wade

Wade Miller says he'll start on Sunday. Which is great, unless you, like me, have tickets for Saturday...

I'm just hoping Pokey will be there.

Here's a nice stat on Kevin Brown. Opponents are hitting .600 against him in the first inning so far this season.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Both Sams Come Through

Good job, female Sam. We needed to beat your Thigh-gers tonight.

Good job, male Sam. Your Rays kicked the crap out of the lowly yanks.

And whadda ya know, the Orioles lost a game.

I am going to carry a television to the car now. Tomorrow night I will be sleeping in New York City. I will spit on yankee fans from my window. Just kidding. Will only drop anvils.

That reminds me, here's a joke sent in by reader Pete:

A Red Sox fan used to amuse himself by scaring every Yankee fan he saw strutting down the street in the obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, and swerve back just missing them.

One day, while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going Father?"

"I'm going to give mass at St. Francis church, about 2 miles down the road," replied the priest.

"Climb in, Father! I'll give you a lift!"

The priest climbed into the rear passenger seat, and they continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankee fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him.

But, as usual, he swerved back into the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud "THUD."

Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Yankee fan."

"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."

Update--Kevin Brown Shitting The Bed Again

Rays just scored 6 off of Brown in the first inning.

"Can life get any sweeter? I submit that it can not!" --Brian Regan

Another One? Yes.

So there's this crazy girl called Rebecca who's been just sitting in the weeds like a snake in the grass...who relocated to the weeds, reading all the Red Sox blogs from afar. Now she has become a blogger herself.

Click here: Faux Shui

yanks' Roster: As Primitive As Can Be

With guys like Robinson Cano in the starting lineup, that is.

(Whose name was pronounced "canoe" by Mad Dog repeatedly.)

The walls are crumbling down, everybody. Womack's in left field, Canoe's at second, Giambi's still in the lineup, while Bernie sits, and Matsui is in center.

And the rotation reads like a menu at a white trash roadhouse diner in Maine: Brown Henn, Moose Wang...Pavano.

And Randy's PISSED about missing a start, I just heard.

The dream is becoming a reality. The fallen empire falls some more.

Monday, May 02, 2005

"Move Outta The Sticks, Fellas."

Here comes the BIG NEWS, everybody.

Jere, aka me, is moving.

To old New Amsterdam.



The Big Apple.

Or as they referred to it in Ghostbusters, "New York City."

Here's the deal. Last October, I left Danbury, CT, to "temporarily" live with my sister and her four kids, a few miles north, in New Milford, CT (where mullets still thrive). So, technically, I've been in Litchfield County these last few months, making the description of this blog a lie (edit: meaning the "old" description that said I was in Fairfield County). I AM in NESN country, BUT, the cable system here chooses not to carry it. I could get a dish here, but I knew I'd be leaving a month into the baseball season, and my sister's kids don't need hundreds of channels, so it wasn't a viable option.

This is why you may have noticed that A. I've been going to NYC a lot lately, as Chan and I have been scouting out neighborhoods, and B. I've been at my parents' place a lot--where they actually get NESN, and there aren't four LOUD (especially when I'm tryin' to sleep) children.

Why didn't I tell my loyal readers about this? Well, I don't care if you stalk me, in fact, I could use the attention, but there was no way I was gonna put my sister and these four rug-proverbial-rats in any danger that might come from that one psycho who might be figuring out where I, and they, live. (I can tell you this now because she has already sold this house. We'll both be movin' on up. Me to the very same "East Side" referenced in The Jeffersons theme, and she and the kids down toward the CT shoreline.)

Also, admitting that you live in New Milford is like tattooing "HICK" across your face.

The other day, I was stuck behind a dude in a pickup with a "Follow me to Hooters" bumper sticker. Also, he kept spitting out the window.

At that moment, I knew I was gonna pull a Baltimore Colts and pack up one night and bolt for Indy--which in my case is New York City. Well, that's an exaggeration. I've been planning this for quite some time.

Anyway, in few days, I'll be down there. It will be gold. There's a Mets bar a block away from our place, and they show the Sox, they told me. So I'm good there. Hope they don't mind me buying nothing more than, like, one Coke per night. And there's also the Sox bars, which are all short subway rides away. As is everything in the city. I'm so psyched!

Okay, I have to interrupt this. Another triple?? I'm watching this game on the ridiculous "Gameday," and every Tiger player must have at least one triple! And we just had bases loaded, no out, with Trot, Manny, and Ortiz coming up, and we didn't score! God f'n damn!

Alright, so, yeah, I'm a New Yorker. That is so freakin' weird.

So I lived in New England for just about 30 years, and never got to regularly see New England's only baseball team. Such a travesty. I had to move to the home of the yanks to finally see the Sox. (My mom also pointed out that I'm the only person to ever move to New York City for some peace and quiet--referring to these lovable but CONSTANTLY SCREAMING nieces and nephews of mine.)

We just left two more runners on. This game is killing me. I'm glad I'm not actually seeing it. Oh crap! According to the little Gameday map, Ortiz' inning ending fly out was to the wall. The reason I say Gameday is ridiculous is because I'll be watching, thinking there's one out, then I see someone get out, and the inning will be over, because they DIDN'T TELL ME about the second out! Blaine Neal just entered the game. He's now thrown five straight balls. Six. We've left 10 on base as a team through six. Our hitters have left a total of 21 runners on. Do not lose this game, Red Sox. As I wrote that, the score went from 3-3 to 5-3 them. So, despite that Gameday didn't actually say anything and the bases are now empty, it must have been a two-run homer. I hate Gameday and I hate frustrating Red Sox games.

And that's the story of Jere moving to New York.

[Edit: The yanks just won. Reading the descriptions of their scoring plays, I see words like, "Bunt," "Error," (twice), "soft line drive" (twice), and "sacrifice fly on fly ball in foul territory." Those cheap shitheads. Same old, same old. This is going to be a Sam-filled week, as the Red Sox have three more against female Sam's Thigh-gers, and the yanks have three more against male Sam's Doctor D-Rays. Tonight, you both failed. The Sox had six different players strand 4 or more runners. I guess I shouldn't have expected a win with Jeremi on the hill, but come on, we should have scored about 15 runs tonight. Terrible.]

Cog In The Idiot Machine

When Edgar comes up to bat, it's almost like I'm playing some video game, and there's this one guy who, through some computer glitch, can't get a hit. "Oh, inning's over, broken guy's up..."

And then everyone laughs at how he's got that smile on his face, like the little cartoon man doesn't even know he can't get a hit.

Again, I hate making fun of this guy, because he seems like a nice dude, but the clock's ticking. Is it too much to ask of him to win a Gold Glove as long as he's not going to hit?

You know, we Sox fans are pretty jaded. Fans of a lot of other teams would LOVE it if they only had one lineup spot that didn't produce.

Tonight's pitchers names start with the letters "Jere." This is the first time this has ever happened in a Red Sox game, as far as I can remember.

It's now 3-3 in the third. And the Red Sox internet world wonders what Samara is going through right now. I have a feeling we'll find out, complete with details and pictures (possibly of thighs).

At The Batting Helmet Factory

[Siren sounds]

PA system: "Attention all employees in the Red Sox department--flapless division. We need flapless helmets, stat. Olerud has been signed. Repeat, Olerud has been signed."

[Flapless Union Local 617 wakes from decades-long nap]

In me news, Chan and I are officially moving to an island. Details to come shortly.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Sox Win Series In State Where "Cloak And Dagger" Was Filmed

Michael Kay's prediction for yankee wins in 2005: 108

Current yankee win pace: 64.8

And Kay's estimate was low compared to what some other people who erased the last few years from their memories said.

Even the most uneducated yankee fan would know to retort "It's still early." But still, they'd have to go 98-39 (.784) the rest of the way to get to Kay's pompous prediction.

If they do that, and they do it without cheating, maybe I'll give them credit.

(By the way, I'm thinkin' Joe Torre might be going on a long holiday very soon.)

I love these "win for us, loss for them" days, but escpecially on Sundays, as it gives you a good feeling going into the week. But the yankee "fans" at work will still come in tomorrow with their A-Rod T-shirts, which may as well say "I didn't even check yesterday's scores, let alone watch any baseball. (But, 1918! Oh, wait.)" across the chest.

If Foulke had blown that game, all the blame in my mind would have been on Renteria. That was the easiest double play chance you're ever gonna see. He's just so nonchalant. I never watch National League baseball, but if he's considered a superstar over there...

But I'm still pullin' for the guy. He seems like such a shy, nice guy. I can relate to that. I'm kind of like that. But when I get on the baseball (meaning Wiffle Ball) field, I run, I try to win, I get some form of game face on. Even with goofballs like Johnny Damon, you can see the passion they have for the game while they're playing. Edgar just seems lifeless out there.

Then again, he did make some really nice plays out there today. I think his demeanor is all part of a ploy where you don't realize until the end of the year just how integral he was. Let's hope.

I just found out SamCat has the same birthday as me. So I wasn't alone in my 15 year wait to get a Red Sox win on my birthday. (A streak which ended last year.)

Feel free to make your own jokes about Kevin "KY" Youkilis helping the Red Sox win the rubber game of the series. Here's a hint: Try to cleverly blend the word "latex" with "Texas."

Like A Texan Dryin' Jerky

Nice win tonight. And I got to see it. Bronson, keep on kickin' it you-style. Watching him pitch is similar to watching a pitcher from any Nintendo baseball game, the way the ball suddenly curves left. You watch Bronson's pitches, and you say, "The ball would never move like that in REAL baseball."

After Jason's homer, aka Captain's crunch, a few bottles flew out on to the field. My theory behind this is that it was a "Texas Hat Trick." When the home team gives up three dongs, it's "Toss dem bottles on 'a field, boys." Just guessing.

Actually, were there any Ranger fans at the game?

But back to Bronson. He said something in an interview (played during the game) that I liked as much as his pitching. He was referring to the whole suspension thing (6 games for punching a fan during a play---oh, I mean for throwing at a guy's mid-section, that's right, punching a fan is allowed with no penalty), and he said, "It's like using the death penalty to prevent killing--it doesn't work." (Or, "it makes no sense," something like that.) Good for you, Bronson. And he said this in Texas, too! (where you can be executed for bad-mouthing the death penalty) Anybody who plays guitar, has weird hair, is anti-death penalty, and, what else...oh yeah, is an awesome pitcher who helped the Red Sox win the World Series while I was alive, is, well, my idol.

(Please note that I am not a Jesus person, and while I'm anti-death penalty, I'm pro-choice. Important.)

The Geico Speed Racer commercial is pretty funny. If only because they use Speed Racer.

And does Mark Teixeira--

remind you of Anthony Keidis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers?

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