Friday, September 13, 2013


That game had a 2004 WS G1 feeling: "They tied it up? Oh well, doesn't matter since we're the team that's gonna win. It'll be more dramatic this way."

I was just saying how Salty just needs a fly ball to give us the lead and that he shouldn't swing for the fences. Then came a massive grandmother slamfather. After the Whores took so long to come back from 4-0 down, we end up re-loading the original 4-run lead with one swing. Pretty soon KojiUeharaandsometimesy was doing his speedy slam routine, retiring his 35th, 36th, and 37th batter in a row, and it was an 8-4 W for the good side. I love how Yankee fans probably thought they were the team of destiny on this night, only to have their dreams dashed.

Balty gained a game on them, and Cleveland passed them. The Rays won to push them further back, too. A super sweet strawberry ice cream with syrup night.

Magic number to win the East: 7
Magic number to eliminate Yanks in East: 4

Huge Win For Us

This "win" was losing in Tampa, preventing the Yanks getting into a tie for the second WC spot. Suck it, fuckwads! And Jesus, Orioles, what the fuckwad is your problem? Fortunately, Cleveland and KC kept pace tonight.

We're gonna have to knock the Yanks out of contention ourselves, it seems. Three this weekend with them at Fenway.

Thursday, September 12, 2013


The magic number to eliminate the Yanks in the East is 6. Even if they win and we lose tonight, we still have a chance to knock them out by sweeping their assface asses this weekend. And that's what I want. So I vote for that. FIN

The Red Sox Are Awesome, That's The Important Thing

The fun beard-fest continued as Carp-athian hit-tite a 10th-inning, pinch grand dong to give us a 7-3 win over Tampa. Koji set the new Red Sox record (we think) by retiring his 34th consecutive batter. That's 1 and 7/27ths perfect games!

We're 9.5 up with 15 to play. In other words, it's over. The lead is 4 over Oakland in the race for home field advantage.

Meanwhile, in Baltimore, apparently the O's don't want this thing. They blew another one to the Yanks, so it's even tighter for that second WC:

Rays --
Yanks 1
O's 1.5
Indians 1.5
Royales with cheese 2

And Texas, 2-8 in their last 10, is only 2.5 ahead of Tampa. So once all four of those teams pass the Rays, they might actually have a shot at the first wild card. Which means two of them might end up with WCs and play each other.

So after the Yanks won, I basically told the Red Sox to lose. The division's in hand, why help those fuckfaces? I was even gonna start out this post talking about the Yanks game instead of ours. But then Koji came in, and I had to root for him to get the record.... And then I kept rooting for us, and seeing Carp round the bases and celebrate in the dugout made me realize it's just too damn fun, so I'm just gonna be happy to watch us steamroll into October and let the rest sort itself out. Besides, I had the following facts to justify it all:

1. Like I said, Tampa seems to be done. All those teams should pass them anyway.

2. Hey, it's Baltimore's fault. If they'd just come through against the Yanks in the first place...

3. It would be fun to watch the Yanks go through the pressure of that 1-gamer.

4. If the Yanks make it and have to play us, fine, bring that shit on.

5. The thing about the fun of watching us cruise to a division title, and making the magic number go down. By the way, it's now at 8! We're 31 games over .500. Last time we did that was 2011--that was our high water mark just before the tragic collapse of September '11. Would be nice to top that. In a weird way.

P.S. Why do we say, for example, that a 60-50 record is "ten games over .500"? If five of those losses had been wins, you'd be at .500. Likewise, at 60-50, you'd be five games ahead of a team who's 55-55, not ten. So shouldn't 60-50 be considered five games over? Is that too hard for people? Just cut the number in half, dude. If you can figure out the whole "half game" concept*, you should have no trouble with this. I say we change it.

*Not this "half game" concept.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I Have A New Goal

Here's what I want: We go into the final game of the regular season against Baltimore as long-since-clinched division champs. The playoff rotation is set, and WEEI is droning on about how the Red Sox can blow a 10-game lead with 1 to play. The Yankees are tied for the second wild card with the O's, having been 5 games ahead a few days earlier. They lose in the bottom of the 9th in Houston, as Mo blows the save. Meanwhile, we had a 7-0 lead in Balty, but, whoops, we had to rest some people and though we swear we're trying hard, we just happen to blow said lead and lose in the bottom of the 9th on a walk-off homer by Wilson Betemit, which ends the Yankees' season. The Daily News writes an article about how Jeter and Rivera were consuming turkey and wine and for some reason everyone thinks that's why they collapsed and makes fun of them for it. Then Mo comes back for one more season and gets his ass booed in every stadium for fooling them into giving him gifts, and is forced to return the gifts in pre-game ceremonies throughout the league.

Side note: Register here for the Orioles' postseason ticket opportunity. We might be playing some games down there this October and, if so, we gotta be there! (Make sure you check the right boxes on that form.)

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

One Race Left

To the Boston media's chagrin, ace Clay Buchholz turned out not to be an untrustable wuss who's rooting against the Red Sox. Instead he picked up right where he left off, giving up nothing against the Fried Fish. Koji, who also enjoys giving up nothing, got batters #28, 29, 30, and 31 in his streak of perfection. Jonny Wadd Gomes, the man with the massive dong, had an RBI single and Salty's Sack made it 2-0, and that's all we needed against Price. RED SOX WIN. 8.5 up with 16 to play! Magic number: TEN. Magic number to eliminate Yanks in East: SEVEN. Best record in baseball! (Actually percentage points behind Atlanta.)

We're only in one race now, and that's the all-important Best Record. We're 4 up on Oakland and 4.5 up on Detroit.

As for the Water Closet, stupid Balty blew it against the Yanks or else they'd be within a half-game of Tamper. Cleveland also missed their chance tonight. So it looks like this, with Texas 2.5 ahead of the Rays:

Tamp --
Balt & Cle 1.5
New Nork, New Nork 2
The Mighty (Where Mighty Equals 3 Back For the 2nd Wild Card) K.C. 3

This September is starting to remind me of 1995, which was the last time we had this big a lead on September 10th or later. (The latest it was this big in 2007 was July.) That was a fun summer. In early July the lead was in the 3 range. From July 23rd to August 8* it stayed between 4.5 and 5.5. But then it ballooned to double digits, peaking at 15.5 in late August and September. That was the end of the baseball innocence for me. The Yanks had won in my lifetime, but I was three years old. Despite that I was made fun of constantly by the 22-championship Yankee fans who all conveniently loved the Mets in '86, I had seen my team go to the World Series once and make the playoffs two other times, all since the Yanks had been in a post-season. I was living on borrowed baseball time, making fun of Chan constantly as "his" Yanks fell further and further behind, all the while kicking his ass at tennis nightly on those courts at the Old High School aka Parks 'n' Rec, current home of the Ridgefield Playhouse. But I was pissed that in the first year of the wild card, we won, but the Yanks still made it. Then we both went out in the first round. Where was I even going with this? Ah yes, cruising to a division title. Cherish it, it's not easy to do. The fact that we're doing it in a year where the whole division was solid and we were the defending cellar-dwellers makes it even more awesome.

2014 tentative sked is out. Will comment on it later, you presume.

*My dad and I were there on August 8th thanks to my Uncle Bubs--Wake improved to 13-1.

This Deserves Its Own Post--BUMP

Commenting person "Patrick" pointed out to me that Don had a horrible call on that Napoli grand slam the other night. I was watching live with Kim and we immediately started yelling and screaming, willing that ball outta there as soon as it was hit, so we never heard the call. Don, as it turns out, opted to tell the audience that the ball would not be a home run. Why this guy continues to risk making an absolute fool of himself by jumping the gun on calls when there's no reason to is beyond my ass.

The video of the play is RIGHT HERE SINCE THE STUPID "EMBED" CODE ON MLB.COM DOESN'T WORK. (Click "video" link on that page. And find the right one.) It cracks me up and pisses me off simultaneously.

Monday, September 09, 2013

Seeing It From Above

Last year's Yanks-Orioles race was incredible and fun, but it was depressing knowing we were out of it. This year we can watch them battle for the WC from our Perch O' Awesomeness. The O's won tonight, so we're lookin' at:

Tampa --
Balty 1.5
Cleve 1.5
Bastids 3
KC 4

Six Series Left

Shoulda done a better job against Kuroda. Fun to see Mo Blow again, but we lose and don't sweep four in NY. 7.5-game lead in the East over Tampa, who we play down there starting Tuesday. Buchholz goes for us in game one.

The magic number will jump down by 2 with each win this week. It's 12 now--we basically clinch with a sweep. But even 1 of 3 means we're up by 6.5 with 14 to play. The Rays have been shitty as shapple pie* lately, but much like you'll find Joe Cabot to be a different character in the Hawaiian islands once the caper's over, the Rays will be up for this series, their last chance to make a move on the division as they cling to the WC by the epidermis of their incisors.

Stupid O's and Tribe couldn't win today, so the Yanks are back to within a half of those two. It's Yanks-O's this week, starting Monday. Huge.

*shit-apple pie

Sunday, September 08, 2013

I Could Be Not Alive

You know how I love it when the Yanks "almost win but still lose"? Well this series has been like a museum of that type of loss. First it was the "they make a big comeback and are one strike away but still lose" loss. Then we had the "they have a huge lead but still lose" loss. And we followed those up with the "they come back from a big deficit but still lose" loss. All at the most crucial moment of the season. In Yankee Stadium. Against the Red Sox. Is there a chance I died and this is what my brain is producing for me in that stretched-to-eternity final moment? I do have the tire pressure light on in my car--maybe I pulled a Nan Adams, and I'm on my journey across baseball heaven on my way to the Twilight Zone.

Anyway, we go for the 4-game sweep Sunday at 1:05. The Rays lost a few minutes ago, so we've got an 8.5-game lead with 18 to play. And the Braves lost, so we've got the best record in baseball. And the Tigers lost, so our lead for home field advantage in the playoffs is up to 4. And the two teams between the Yanks and the second wild card won. All this after 90+ losses last year. Again, I could be dead.

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