Here's what I want: We go into the final game of the regular season against Baltimore as long-since-clinched division champs. The playoff rotation is set, and WEEI is droning on about how the Red Sox can blow a 10-game lead with 1 to play. The Yankees are tied for the second wild card with the O's, having been 5 games ahead a few days earlier. They lose in the bottom of the 9th in Houston, as Mo blows the save. Meanwhile, we had a 7-0 lead in Balty, but, whoops, we had to rest some people and though we swear we're trying hard, we just happen to blow said lead and lose in the bottom of the 9th on a walk-off homer by Wilson Betemit, which ends the Yankees' season. The Daily News writes an article about how Jeter and Rivera were consuming turkey and wine and for some reason everyone thinks that's why they collapsed and makes fun of them for it. Then Mo comes back for one more season and gets his ass booed in every stadium for fooling them into giving him gifts, and is forced to return the gifts in pre-game ceremonies throughout the league.

Side note: Register here for the Orioles' postseason ticket opportunity. We might be playing some games down there this October and, if so, we gotta be there! (Make sure you check the right boxes on that form.)