Friday, February 04, 2005

Lots To Read

"Now our guys can get some rest while these idiots pretend they won it all and revert to their previous level of unjustified overconfidence prior to the eventual coup de grace."
--some yankee fan after Game 4

There's this site called SoSH vs NYYFans, which shows all the posts about each ALCS game from the Sox and yanks' respective message boards. It's very cool, and must've taken a long time to put together. (Or some program did it in one second.)

I found out about it from a new-ish Red Sox (and Pats) blog called Hoo's On First.

Silver Suits

Apparently part of the Red Sox Nation eyescan membership is that you get to watch all these games on So tonight, as I was making my veggie dogs, I had Game 1 of the World Series playing on the computer. (The game is from a Los Angeles Fox station.) Of course I cut right to the eighth inning. I hadn't retained the information that Renteria misplayed a ball hit by Varitek right before Bellhorn hit his game winning homer. I did remember how Fox didn't catch the ball hitting the foul pole with any camera.

I just thought it was weird how all these things were happening that never would have happened, say, fifteen years ago: The Red Sox winning the World Series? Me casually flipping on a telecast of that Series on a computer? While eating a fake hot dog? That I made myself?!

It truly is the future.

Now I'm gonna go play a video game from 1987.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

"I'll See You Tomorrow...Maybe!" headline: "David Wells will wear number three for Sox in honor of the Babe."

Guess what, dirt dick, Bullshit Memorial Stadium told me this ONE WEEK ago. Way to stay on top of things. And act like you're the first to discover this.

Then I was on SoSH, and to piss me off even more, I saw that the Unkempt Kollie is already getting credit from random people for "breaking" this story (7 days late). It's on this thread. It's the eighth post on the page.

A little while ago I was talking about the people twirling their arms behind home plate at Shea in the '86 Series. Recently I saw something funny about that on SoSH, from a poster called Kevyn:

"The only joy I get out of watching these 1986 games is the knowledge that the old woman twirling her arms behind home plate at Shea is probably dead now."

Nice! Come to think of it, they did show a close up of this one old lady with a weird hat on for a good five seconds during Game 2, and she was right behind the plate. By the end of that night's blow-out, she was long gone. But I guess that was her, back for Game Six, with her new, pitcher-distracting innovation. But, again, we should thank that lady, rest her soul, for making 2004 that much sweeter.

I used to work with this dude Greg. One day, all of us got "worker numbers," to more easily allow payroll to calculate our hours logged at work. Greg was in charge of going around and making sure we'd each received our number. So he got to my desk and said, "Got your worker number.....comrade?" He paused for just the perfect amount of time (which I've estimated here by using exactly five elipses), and it just cracked me up. Every morning I think of that as I write my worker number on my timesheet, and by the end of the day, it's out of my head. So today I swore I would remember to tell someone (you) this story. Hope it worked out for you.

Happy Groundhog Day, everybody. "Don't forget your booties cuz' it's cold out there."

Hey yankee fans, "I'll give you a winter prediction. It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be gray, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life..."

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Ya Stole Somebody's Record Then Ya Looped It (Looping Post)

I learned from Singapore Sox Fan that David Ortiz is building a new house with his wife in Green Bay. So I just want to warn you about the possibilty that someone ends up calling him David Or-cheese. And this reminds me of something else I was going to say about Wisconsin. Their state quarter has a cow's head on it, with the word "Forward" in a banner below it. This cracks me up, because I see the picture as a basketball card of a cow who plays forward. Search your pockets, you may have one. You may not find it as comical as I did. That story reminds me of a blog I saw by a girl who's from Minnesota but attends MIT, who recently talked about that very quarter. Speaking of moving far away, why do people say "halfway around the world"? In my opinion, halfway is all the way, because the world is a sphere. Don't short change yourself, if you live on the opposite side of the earth from me, that's as far away as you're gonna get. I already am ALL the way around the world from myself, and I didn't even have to move. I could say Kansas City is 23/24ths of the way around the world from me, but there's a faster way of getting there. I thought of that because Singapore Sox Fan says he's the Red Sox fan from halfway around the world. I don't know, I think he deserves more credit than 50%. Speaking of that site....{return to beginning of post)

Monday, January 31, 2005

Check Out The Big Brain On Brett

Dirt Dog is so full of crap. He calls the RSN Membership thing a "scam." His proof of this is a message board thread on which someone says they're not happy with their experience attempting to buy tickets. Then a few people write in saying they agree, then a few say they disagree. This means the whole thing is a scam? I think I'm going to write to him and tell him how I got field box seats for the first time in years solely because I paid my $9.95. But then I think life is too short to deal with this guy. Why the hell is he so worked up about this? I'm sick of people ripping the owners who just brought us a World Series Championship. What word is out of place in this sentence: "I want the Red Sox to win the World Series, AND..." (Hint: it's written in all capital letters.) I wish the perro grande would give some credit where it's due, and stop asking for everything to be exactly as he wants it. And as someone on that same thread mentioned above said, you know the guy can get tickets whenever he wants, he never really has to sit in the virtual waiting room...

In more positive news, I like what this woman is doing with her Red Sox and other stuff blog, Empyreal Environs. I've taken to calling it "That Ha-waiian Burger Blog," because she's Hawaiian. See Pulp Fiction if you didn't get that joke. Anyway, she's a good writer, does some really funny stuff, and I hope she's not offended by my crappy little joke. Also, I learned from her site that Sammy Sosa slugs almost .800 against Schilling. I guess I should make my feeling known about the Orioles getting Sosa. Uhhh...terrible job, O-bags. He might get 40 dongs over that little left field wall, but he doesn't exactly do anything for your pitching staff.

Why did I just write that directly to the Orioles, as if they might be reading this? I guess I do that a lot. Terrible job, me. But I'm not gonna stop doing it.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

The Zimmer Thing

Don Zimmer put out a book called "The Zen of Zim" after the 2003 season. I think I mentioned this before, how he ripped Steinbrenner, which is cool, but also said a lot of ignorant things about Pedro.

Now there's a new edition of the book, with a new afterword.

In it, Zimmer shows what a complete tool he is. It's maddening. Here's some things he says about the World Champions:

"'s hard for me to salute the Red Sox, if only because of a lot of the things they said and did on their way to finally winning it all..."

"...showed a lack of professionalism and respect for the game..."

Then he brings up Millar's Jack Daniels fetish, compares it to Zim's old nemesis, the brilliant Bill Lee, sprinkling pot on his pancakes, and says how the anarchistic Sox are not sending a good message to our youth.

"...there are always a few jerks who do and say things to sully [the game]."

Do I even need to bring up steroids here?

Then he really gets crusty-old-man on us:

"And then there was Johnny Damon with his beard and shoulder-length hair."

(oh please god, don't let the hair get me)

Then he says how much he respects Johnny personally and on the field, but:

"...I just feel--and I admit this is "old school" talking now--a ballplayer ought to look like a ballplayer, not a vagrant or something."

And what's with these colored folks drinking from our water fountains? Jesus, at least whoever co-wrote this talked him into that "old school" line. 'Uh, Mr. Zimmer, do you realize what you're saying? Why don't you at least admit that you DO know that only a ninety-year old would say such a thing. Are you familiar with the term 'old school'?' The gerbil goes on:

"When you present a slovenly, unkempt appearance..." (apparently jowls the size of footballs and a body right out of the Weird Al "Fat" video are acceptable) "--and this extends to the way some of the Red Sox were wearing their pants, baggy and below the stirrups to their shoetops--you're not respecting the game."

To the shoetops! Good lord! Respecting the game?? Jason Giambi was injecting steroids into his ass!

Then he says that despite his feud with Big Stein, "he has his rules...and players who come over to the Yankees all fall in line with them."

So that's the message he wants to send? "Fall in line, kids"?

This guy needs to be put to sleep. Seriously. I just made that call, and it's correct.

And oh yeah, while we're talking about appearance, respect, professionalism, and sending the right message to kids, well, just remember this tip from Mr. Zimmer, Little Leaguers: When you grow up, and you're a coach, and you get mad at an opposing player, it's perfectly okay to run out onto the field and take a wild swing at him. Just charge like a bull, intend to injure. As long as your hair's nicely cropped, it's okay. And always pitch Mike Torrez in a crucial game.

When is this guy gonna kick it, so I can tape a picture of Pedro throwing him down by the ears to his headstone?

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