Saturday, March 20, 2004

More Stuff That Makes Me Sick

y*nkee fans always like to bring this up: The Red Sox have never beaten the y*nks in a close (within 5 games) pennant race, where the two teams finished in first and second place.

('86 was the closest race where the Sox finished 1st and the y*nks 2nd, with the Sox winning by 5.5 games. The y*nks were 3.5 back when the Sox won in '88, but didn't finish second, so that doesn't count in this ridiculous, made-up, y*nkee-biased category.)

By saying this, they're IGNORING the fact that every time Red Sox have won the league/division, with the y*nks coming in second, it's never even been close.

So let's take a look at just how badly we've beaten the y*nkees through the years, to shoot this idea to hell, and, just to make us feel good inside. Here are the years the Sox have finished 1st, followed by how far behind the y*nks finished:

1995: 7 games back
1916: 11 games back
1975: 12 games back
1918: 13.5 games back
1903 & 1946: 17 games back
1967: 20 games back!
1990: 21 games back (that's right, y*nkee fans, your team was 21 back of the Red Sox in YOUR lifetime. whoooaaaaa.)
1915: 32.5 games back!!!!
1912: The Red Sox finished FIFTY-FIVE (55) games ahead of the New York y*nkees (then highlanders).

So what they're saying is basically, "Sure, the Sox finished 55 games ahead of us, and won the World Series, but come on, had we won FIFTY more games that year, surely we'd have won. The Sox just can't beat us in a close race. It's a simple fact."

So the next time some y*nkee fan tries to tell you the Sox just can't beat the y*nks in a close race, just say, "Yeah, well we've cornered the market on finishing 55 games ahead of you..."

Thursday, March 18, 2004

The Truth About A-Rod And Dogs

About this whole A-Rod fiasco... I hear a lot of Sox fans, and media people in general saying things like, "The y*nks just do what it takes", and "Hey, they didn''t break any rules". And they blame the Red Sox ownership for NOT doing what it takes to get A-Rod. Well I don't buy any of it, and I'll defend our ownership and blame everyone else involved.

Think of it like this:

There's this guy, let's call him... Boston McGee. Boston works with 30 or so people every day. He's got his little group of friends, and eats lunch with them, it's cool. There's this one guy they all hate, we'll call him George. George always gets what he wants, including the ladies, he knows how to buy his way into their hearts. So one day, a new person shows up at work--Alexis Ranger. She becomes part of Boston's group of friends. Eventually Boston reveals to the group that he has a crush on Alexis. Word leaks out, and soon everone knows. Including Alexis--and George. Boston learns that Alexis is smitten with him upon hearing of his desire for her. Inevitably, Boston and Alexis go out on a date. And then another. Everyone in the group is happy that Boston and Alexis are off to a good start. Boston likes Alexis, and sees that she feels bad for him when he tells her about all the hell George has put him through. Like stealing his girlfriends, telling lies about him to the boss, etc. Alexis says she doesn't like George either.

But even though Alexis is a nice, beautiful girl with a great personality, Boston has a different opinion than Alexis on one issue. And because of that, he just can't take the next step to start a relationship with her. He knows that all his friends would be happy for him, and he'd probably have fun with Alex, but this one issue is one he just can't change his position on. He knows that if he did, he would just be delaying the inevitable problems that this would bring on, and that wouldn't be fair to anyone.
So, knowing that there's nothing he or she could do to get them together for real, he makes the decision that what they started could not continue.

Then, on Valentine's Day, while sitting at Ted's in Meriden, Connecticut, (home of the steamed cheese)Boston hears from an announcer on a women's basketball game on the tv that it looks like Alexis might be going out with GEORGE.


That's right, as soon as George heard that thinks weren't gonna work out between Boston and Alex, he swooped right in, opening the door for her and buying her candy and flowers and jewelry without even really getting to know her at all. And she fell for it, and forgot all about Boston.

The end.

Now, I don't know what kind of person you are, but I personally react to the situation this way:

1. George is an A-HOLE. Yeah, he didn't break any rules, not the kind that can be written out with pen and paper, anyway. If that's what's called "having what it takes," then I hope I never have it.
2. Alexis is just as bad. 3. Boston DID do what he had to do to stay true to himself and just tried to bring about the best possible results after considering all factors invovled.

Steinbrenner can kiss my butt.

The Only "B"'s Are On Their Hats

Don't ask me why I thought of this, but.....

Varitek, Millar, Reese, Garciaparra, Mueller, Ramirez, Damon, Nixon, Ortiz. The starting nine, and not one letter B in their names. And the pitchers--Martinez, Schilling, Lowe, Wakefield, Arroyo. And now Folke.
No B's.
That's how I know Reese will make it ahead of Bellhorn, no B.
And to take it one step further, check out the first names. Only Bill Mueller has a B.
So I think Youkillis will be coming up to replace Bill soon, but for now we'll just call him William Mueller. And why do you think Bronson and Byung-yun are having problems securing that 5th spot? It's the B's, man.

Maybe it's just not that common a letter, it is worth 3 in Scrabble.......

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

The Coincidences Continue...

Shortly after wrapping up that last post, I took a look at my friend Chan's blog that he just started, and he mentioned George Carlin--JUST LIKE I WAS GOING TO, I swear. I was gonna tell you all (you three?) about my dream from the other night, and I was gonna start off by quoting Carlin: "There is nothing more boring than listening to someone describe a dream." I decided to skip the dream synopsis, not just because of Carlin, but still, thanks to that cosmic sign from Chan, I now give you:

The Dream...

I was at y*nkee Stadium. In classic dream fashion, it didn't really look like y*nkee Stadium. Anyway, the bleachers extended all the way to the right field foul pole, which is about wher I was sitting. Looking toward right center, I could see a big screen instead of the outfield wall. They were having little one-person planes taking off from right field, flown by individual fans. The first fan (a brown haired woman) flew their mini plane right into that center field screen right after takeoff, and it pushed the whole crowd back, but no one was hurt. The second plane (flown by a blond woman) crashed near me. This woman was hurt a little bit, and another woman was for some reason making fun of me for helping her, so I said, "Hey, it wasn't my idea to have planes flying around the stadium, let alone having unliscened pilots flying them."
Then a black man flew a plane out of the stadium, over the ocean that was just to my left. I ran out on to the beach to monitor his flight, and I watched him crash into the ocean. I ran down the beach, and got to the point where the plane had for some reason washed all the way into shore. A cop was there. I looked at the wreckage. There was a man who looked like he weighed 2 thousand pounds underneath the plane, which was now inside a roughly ten foot long alligator shaped pool toy. The cop pointed at the fat guy and said, "Listen to me. The senator DOES NOT GET MOVED.", and he ran away. I looked inside the plane, and the pilot smiled. He was white now. He went to bend at the waist, and the whole body detached at the waist, and I saw his ribs and other parts of his skeleton right up to his head, which was normal, but now he was dead. Fortunately, I woke up at this point.

I hope this doesn't really happen at y*nkee Stadium when I'm there this year.

Full Moon

Is it a full moon? It's snowing out, I can't tell. Anyway, all these coincidences and signs are happening, like the guy at the bookstore yesterday.

I was thinking about writing a post about baseball fans being big kids, and today, on my page-a-day calendar called Moving Forward, Keeping Still (which Lys' mom got for me for Christmas) (and which doesn't give moon phases), the quote is this:

"It takes a very long time to become young." -Pablo Picaso

So here's what I was gonna say about that...

Last season, Pat and I went to Baltimore to see two Sox games, and before one of 'em, we were along the fence during batting practice, and Papa Jack flipped a ball our way. I could see it was headed right for Pat, so rather than try to battle it out with him, and possibly deflect it to someone else, I figured if I step aside and let him get it, at least "we" as an entity would end up with the ball for sure, and I'd be happy for him and yadda yadda yadda. So he caught the ball, and, y'know, it was cool and everything, but before we could start to examine the treasure, we noticed Papa Jack staring at us, quite menacingly, pointing his bat toward a nearby little kid. Pat knew what that meant and immediately gave up the ball.

I know players and coaches want to be nice and give balls to kids, and that there are SOME people who stand around during BP who wouldn't appreciate a Major League baseball nearly as much as a youngster, but you know what? If we adults are standing around for hours, desperately trying to get our hands on a little rawhide sphere from grown men playing a game in a park, then I say we've earned "kid" status!

I can't help it if my body grows physically larger as I age! I'm a kid and I want that ball, dammit!

Baseball players need to learn that all baseball fans are kids.

All right, maybe the little ones should have a fair chance. I'm sorry. I'm just still bitter about the time when my friend got a ball once because his dad elbowed a baby to get it, then gave it to the baby's dad to be nice, but got it back because the baby's dad said to just take it, the kid's too young to know anyway. So he gave it to his own son, my friend. Terrible job. Jim Rice hit that ball and my friend is a y*nkee fan. No fair.

Monday, March 15, 2004

The Sympathizers (A Preview)

I was thinking about writing a post about y*nkee fans who are pro-Red Sox, which I'm noticing a lot of lately, and I still will probably write that, but I was just at a bookstore, and, as a preview of that post, here's the conversation I had with the bookseller:

Me: Hi. (putting two baseball-related books on counter)
Dude behind counter: Anticipating the baseball season, eh?
Me: Oh, yeah.
Dude: (pointing at my Sox hat) Hopeful again?
Me: Yup. This has got to be the year.
Dude: At least the y*nks got zapped in the Series, though.
Me: Yeah! Turned out to be a good year after all.
Dude: Heh, heh. I'm a y*nkee fan and I hate the y*nkees. They ARE the evil empire.
Me: I'm hearing that a lot nowadays.
Dude: I still root for 'em though, it's hard to break the habit.
Me: I'm sure it is.

More to come...

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Go North, Young Fan

When I first saw the Red Sox schedule this year, I wasn't very happy withe road trip situation: No games in Philly or Pittsburgh like last year, which I knew goin' in actually, and no Baltimore games on a weekend until October, and those could be cold or meaningless games (or both). And Cleveland is a stretch, but that series is also mid week. So I thought, well, besides seeing the team in New York or Boston, there's really nothing else...the next closest city would be...Toronto.

So I'm going to Toronto this year.

Only 8 hours from me, probably not too much farther from the Boston area... got a very cheap hotel close to the park, and tickets to the "Skydeck" are a whopping NINE bucks--Canadian! So for under $100 a person for two people we've got a place to stay and we'll see three Sox games. Amazing.

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