Friday, April 05, 2013

Sox Move To .750

What were those people at Skydome doing? Pretending to be fans?

Pretty sweet-ass win tonight. Great ninth by Hanrahan! We're 3-1. Reactionary people, here's your chance to be reactionary in the positive sense! Do it!

I saw two things I'm very used to from the past and hope to see a lot this summer: Napoli dong. Middlebrooks dong. Brooks is on his way to that 40-dong MVP season I've been counting on.

Only four runs given up tonight, three by Doob, one by Tazawa. Ue, Bailey, and Han gave up nothin' each.

Yanks lost earlier, so they're 1-3, opposite of us.

Record: 3-1 (best in baseball). Streak: Won 1. Place: 1st. Mood: Thrilled with 1-0 start against Mighty On-Paper Jays.

Check out the linescore from's box:

The Jays didn't need to bat, despite losing. An 8-inning game. The box score also reflected only stats through the 7.5th. It's 2013, people.

Know what's weird? We're only 4-5 games into the season, and there are no undefeated teams or winless teams.

Saturday: Lackey against Happ at 1:07.

Bonus thing, from a recent article: "[...] talked proudly of the preservation of Fenway Park, the 102-year-old ballpark with a once-cloudy future." After all that last year, with people mistaking "100 years old" for "100th season" so often (it was the 101st, duh), now somebody goes the other way, calling the about-to-turn-101-year-old park 102. Terrible job, whoever that was.

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Sox Win Opening Series Vs. Kim Jong-uns

What NESN said in regular, what they should have added in bold.

Mariano is used to getting those calls which is a travesty--there should be one strike zone, this guy doesn't need any help.

Mariano is so awesome and great but has struggled against the Red Sox more than any other team.

Mariano showed Jackie Bradley a thing or two by going inside then outside with a pitch clearly off the plate--it's a shame we didn't get to see a fair battle between the old-ass mofo and the phenom. Jesus fucking christ already why the fuck do we show you this technology which shows pitch location if we're not even gonna fuckin' mention it??

So we lose for the first time in 2013. But it was key to win the opening series. Now it's on to TOR.

Rod time:

Record: 2-1. Streak: Lost 1. Place: 1st. Mood: Still pissed at the MoZone.

I'll Make This Quick

I don't follow Boston media, so I never know anymore (thankfully) what the current bullshit buzz-topic is that they've invented and brainwashed everyone with.

But the the other day, I randomly came across two different people saying "the ownership needs to regain the public's trust." Uh oh. Coincidence, or "the thing" everyone's talking about? Yesterday when looking up Buchholz misspellings, sure enough, I see some horseshit article with the "trust" thing as its headline.

So I guess I, as an actual fan, need to address this. Here's my opinion: Usual Media Bullshit. This ownership came in, won two World Series, saved the fuck out of Fenway Park, and are constantly trying to do everything they can to make the team win. All while dealing with the critics coming at them from every gutter, trying to appease everybody at once. Last year they went out of their way to celebrate Fenway and the team, bringing back every single guy we ever loved, let us all tour the park, go on the field, and even take batting practice. God I hate that! Who can TRUST people like that??

So fucking stupid.

Dempster @ the The Dumpster tonight.

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Somebody Loves Us

Every day that the Red Sox beat the Yankees is the best day of my life.

Nice relaxing win again in Uptown/Bx. I'd say there was a little pressure in the ninth after having been way up for most of the game, but is it really pressure if no Yankee fans were left to see it? HH was pret-ty, pret-ty, pret-tyyyy good against whoever the fuck the Yanks are throwin' out there.

JaBraJu had his first major league hit, and it knocked in a run. Kuroda shit the bed/spit the bit, and got semi-injured trying to barehand a ball in sub-zero conditions. A four-run third put us up 6-0, and you could turn your sets off there, folks. This is Warner Wolf. Jim?

I hate context-less stats! Don tonight said this is the first time since 1935 the Red Sox have started the season winning the first two games in New York. Y'know how many times we've played the first two games of a season in New York between then and now? Five! In our sixth shot at it, we did it. Which isn't that crazy since there are three possible outcomes. But they'd have you think it's the first time in 70-something tries.

I also hate incorrect stats: Don said we started 0-6 the last two seasons. Wrong.

And can we figure out how to spell Buchholz, guys? It's only his 7th year on the team.

Oh well, they join ESPN, Bleacher Report, the NY Daily News, and a few others who have spelled it that the last week. (If you're a HH spell-checker like me, you know you can find several "Buccholz" instances in any given week--speaking of context.)

And now for the Jesus Loves You portion of the evening:
Record: 2-0. Streak: Won 2. Place: 1st. Current Mood: Getting a little wild-eyed in our excitement.

Don't Chain-Link Fences...

...remind you of Little League?

Buchholz goes for us tonight at the New Loo.

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

More PopShots Action

There are some newer entries up at PopSpots, including a Taxi Driver one. I was very excited when the creator, Bob Egan, noticed the entry I did on that Ramones album cover and commented on it. Thanks, Bob!

Pure Moods

I realized that I can get a picture of every human emotion from the now-classic (among people who know me) "Jesus Loves You" video. So, here we go:

Record: 1-0. Streak: Won 1. Place: 1st. Mood: Gloaty after beating Yanks in their own stadium on Opening Day.

Monday, April 01, 2013

Adrenalin Opening Day

I hate the fact that I have to preface saying "I love this team" by saying that it doesn't mean I didn't love last year's team, but...I love this team! I love that we went into the Classy Dome with pretty much every single guy sporting some sort of facial hair, as if to rub it in their smooth faces that they're not allowed to be human beings.

What was with the Yanks playing the Star Wars "evil" music for us and the "good" for them when the teams were announced? Didn't they just recently sue somebody for using the Evil Empire term because it's what they embrace and call themselves? It's like a double reverse. First they try to lessen its meaning by faux-embracing it, then they go and try to pass it off on somebody else--the team that coined it in the first place. Stupid Yankees. Go be old and shit. Of course Joba, trying to push his way into some other team's starting rotation, came out with the mustache going right to the Official Robot Limit and some half-burns. He's pushin' his luck!

You know a guy actually called the FAN after the game to say what a travesty it was that they didn't fly Jeter in? The guy legitimately thought that his mere presence would electrify the crowd and somehow make the team win. He really acted like it was a no-brainer, saying "come on!" That's how loopy people are over this person. Even Francesa basically called the guy a fool and hung up on him.

Castiglione is just as in love with Bradley though. It was awesome. "What discipline!" At one point Gomes slid into home and Joe called it as Bradley first before correcting. Joe, every guy can't be Bradley! I liked how in his post-game interview, Jackie's answer to Dell's standard "what have these last few days been like" question was "pretty exciting." Because my mom calls him "Mr. Excitement." My dad is going with the lengthier "Jackie Rogers Junior's One Hundred Thousand Dollar Jackpot Wad." Anyway, he did have a hell of a game for not getting a hit. On that catch, he said he took his eyes off the ball but found it again at the last second. He always makes it "look so easy," as humans say. He needs a helmet that fits though. All through spring training that thing was falling off. It might be because he wears the skull cap underneath. I'm worried he's gonna get hurt somehow. But he must like it that way. I'm glad his family got to see his first game. I hope I see that crew at Fenway this year.

CANO. I like it when he effs up more than that guy who played Mr. Bookman likes butter in his ass and lollipops in his mouth. This one wasn't quite as fun since it wasn't a case of pure nonchalance, he just kind of missed the ball, but it led to the runner being safe and another one scoring. Really fun stuff. At a key time in the game.

Youk did his usual "not come through and get all mad" all day, so that was good too. My mom: "He made such a fool of himself." My girlfriend: "He looks like such a jackass."

Lester came through in outing #1. Five innings, held the lead. The 'pen gave up nothing, and those three strikeouts with the tying run at bat were huge. About them, Francesa had the nerve to say, "we talked about it all winter: the Red Sox have a great bullpen." No, Mike, for three quarters of the winter, you dismissed the Red Sox as a 70-win team before someone finally whispered in your ear that we actually made some really good moves bullpen-wise in the offseason.

Overall a great job by everybody, and it feels good to get a win on day one when you've got a day off after that. It's been a while since we had the early good feeling. It's also great to see an empty Yankee Stadium as our team celebrates on their field. And it's good to have more than 20 baserunners in a Sabathia game.

Mistake report: Jon Rish isn't that great and isn't getting any better. Man on third, his call is: "Bunt attempt....and Middlebrooks dives back at third." Okay, I'm thinking he had come a little ways down the line and the catcher threw behind him, and batter had just bluffed a bunt. Then Rish casually goes, "suicide squeeze." What? First of all, you can't just add that in later, it's kind of important. Second of all, it's not a suicide if the guy's still standing on the bridge! This is what we in the baseball community call a "safety squeeze." But I guess this professional baseball announcer isn't familiar with his baseball terms. (PS I said that bridge line out loud in the car as Kim and I were driving over the Newport Bridge as she gave me a ride to pick up my car in the shop. It was perfect. You shoulda been there.) Oh and Rish also said "Boone Logan hasn't thrown a strike yet!" Sure, it was true. But Logan had only thrown two pitches at that point.

And one quick one from NESN. See if you can spot the misspelling. (If you can't, I'm sure you'll do what NESN didn't do: look it up. But come on, you can't expect them to know how to spell a guy's name who's been in baseball for only fifty years.)

That reminds me. Don was asking Remy which Yankee players he hated in the 70s. Remy played coy for a while, but finally described Thurman Munson as "a bit of a....person who's not very likable." Something like that, but the point was, he said asshole without saying asshole. I thought that was great.

Anyway, I'm glad the cat is out of the cupboard on the 2013 season on a good note.

Feels So Good

I heard most of this one in the car so I have to go back and watch. But it was fun listening to Castig and his love affair with Mr. Excitement, Jackie Bradley. And then hearing Francesa afterwards talking about how shitty the Yanks are and how all the fans are gonna jump ship really fast. I almost nailed the 4-2 prediction, but I'm happy with 8-2, even if it's only against the dregs of the division.

"Standin' At The Crossroads"

Will the Red Sox take the high road, the low road, the go road, or the no road in 2013?! Sorry, that video is still cracking me up.

Lester v. Sabathia, 1:05, Bronx.

My predicted J-Score: Red Sox 19.2, Yankees 7(n).

The J-Score is something I'm unveiling this year that I've actually been working on for about four and a half years. It combines each hitter's total bases and runs produced, then subtracts each "mistake" the pitchers make, meaning a hit, a run, or a ball more than a strike. In other words, two balls per strike equals a -1, three per two would be the same, four over two would be a -2, half over again, and you've got the idea. Each day I'll put up my predicted score and after each game I'll break it down player by player, and we'll end up with a true account of which team had the better game. The totals for each week will be averaged to get a weekly "record" which, when measured against the actual W-L record, will give what I'll call the J-wreck, showing which teams are over-and under-performing and by how much. Then at the end of each month, I'll flip a series of coins, each showing a player's bat and glove--you didn't think I'd leave fielding out, did you? After all flips are done, in the predetermined location at the four corners of the only states in our union which make such a formation--via a friend I have there or a quick flight to and from--I recently had a little windfall of royalties from a Band-Aid commercial I shot in '82--the totals will something something and if you haven't figured out it's april fool's day by now you're a total butthead. Okay, anyway, I took a shot, much like a young Cologero in A Bronx Tale. My actual prediction: Red Sox 4, Yanks 2. See ya on the other side, Ray.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

2013 Opening Day Roster

Here it is. JaBra made it--I'm glad they didn't go worrying about 2019 and start him in Pawtucket.

Less than 24 hours till Red Sox-Yanks!

Oh My Resurrected Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ

(The slo-mo version is even creepier.)

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Location: Rhode Island, United States