Saturday, January 22, 2005

Lush Beague

Check out the new scoreboard they're building at Turner Field in Atlanta. Jesus god!

Speaking of going overboard, did you all hear about the amount of money that went into the presidential inauguration? Ri-goddamn-diculous. I heard about people that paid like hundreds of thousands of dollars for the chance to go to one of the balls, and have their suitcases packed by servants. Crap like that. Why does Bush love to rub all this in the face of poor people everywhere? Here's a nice stat for you:

1,160,000: Number of girls who could be sent to school for a year in Afghanistan with the amount of money lavished on the inauguration.

Find more like that here. Terrible job by Bush, the Steinbrenner of presidents.

Dirt Dog Throws Cy Young Under Horse-Drawn Buggy

Is GossipPooch that pissed at Pedro that he needs to call Bill Clemens the best Red Sox pitcher in history? Fatty may have 7 Cy Youngs, but Cy Young was Cy Young. And of course I'd take Pedro over Roger, and none of us saw Smoky Joe Wood pitch, but I'd take him, too. I feel like there's some kind of pro-Clemens movement churning in the undergound of Red Sox Nation. I don't like it.

The inaccurate one has been pissing me off in general lately. Look at his headlines about Mirabelli. He makes it sound like Doug M. is doing the bus-toss on the other Doug M. But then you read the article and the crouching Doug M. says he thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

Then he's got more headlines about how Doug M...z is this evil person basically. I saw him interviewed on NECN news last season and he seemed like a wacky, cool guy. I still say he has every right to that ball. It's not like he took the trophy or anything. And everything he said about his kid's college tuition was him being a goofball. Terrible job by Shaughnessy for making something out of nothing.

Then last night I was watching Channel 30 News (Hartford) and they showed highlights of the trophy tour hitting their studios. I guess they got the nod for giving us all those Friday and Sunday games from the TV-38 feed back in the 80s. So of course the one thing they show from the visit is Lucchino answering their question about---I can't believe I'm about to say this word--"ballgate." And he talked about it all serious-like, saying that Doug is smart and will cooperate. Or something. The point is, this is really stupid.

Then dirt dog puts up a story about a sports book wanting to get the ball from Doug in exchange for 4 years of a Florida State education. I read this as DD's bookie getting some press on his site. TJ.

It's gonna be intersting to see if DD mentions anything about the ID card thing. He'd have to say, "I have this friend who signed up to be in RSN, and he got an email about..." Becuase I got a talking email from Theo thanking me for "joining," etc. And apparently I'll get a chance to be in a random drawing which then gives me a chance to purchase some tickets before non-members. Also I get 10% off on Sox merch, but surely someone will post the secret password on SoSH and everyone else will get it, too.

Oil Can to make minor league comeback.

One of the Sams anwered the last quiz, saying that "Sox Supporters" were "garters." You're way off. They were a specific thing. I'm thinking no one gets this.

Alright, I gotta go make snow devils outside.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

(Too Many) Haikus For Derek Lowe

Could not find a fourth
On the day of your no-no
Still have unused stub

Bled on mound and spoke
Of skin cancer awareness
Schill stole both from you

Psychiatric ward
Easy to find in LA
Psychiatric ward

Bo Derek was ten
Lowe, Derek was thirty-two
For oh-four, thank you

Start, Relieve, Good, Bad
You must be this tall to ride
We'll FedEx your ring

New Quiz

Define: "Sox Supporters."

And don't just say "those who support Sox." That's not what I'm looking for.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Double Dutch Bus

Can everyone please stop saying "Sports Personality A threw Sports Personality B under a bus"? How did we go from the simple term "dissing" to a description of the potentially homicidal act of picking up another person and tossing him or her in front of an oncoming multi-passenger transportation vehicle?

Or does "under the bus" just mean you're throwing them beneath a parked bus, you know, to cool 'em down for a while until they start playing harder/stop running their mouth?

Or is this from some movie that I didn't see? Whatever the reason, I think it's had it's 900 seconds. Just take one dip and end it.

Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 3 came out yesterday. Obtain it.

Even though I gave up on pro football years ago, I am excited about the possibility of two snow games this weekend. If there's snow, I'll watch.

Mike Francesa's wife had twins the other day. Hearing Mad Dog do the show solo yesterday, talking about how children change your life, reminded me of how funny it is to hear those guys talk about anything other than sports, because they'll talk about anything in the "sports style." Today Mike was back, and they were sharing their knowledge of pregnancy and baby-raising. It was weird to hear Mike say "..then my wife's water broke." And he was saying the weight of his babies like they were sprinter's times. "One was four-nine, the otha was five-three." I'm assuming he was talking about pounds and ounces.

They'll talk about the Academy Awards or something, and again, it might as well be a baseball game: "Mike, you wanna tell me Kirk Douglas is Best Actor, fine, but in a big spot I'd rather see Harrison Ford up there." "Dog, Kirk Douglas is a hall-of-fame actor."

Last night I went out to my folks' house, where NESN is allowed, and watched Game 2 of the '86 World Series. Since I only watched that game once, and I was eleven years old at the time, I really didn't have too many exact memories of it goin' in, unlike Game 6, which has been shown hundreds of times since then.

First of all, it was Ged-mania. Rich seemed to be the center of attention to Scully and Garragiola. They spoke of how Geddy used to bug Carlton Fisk, asking him all kinds of baseball questions. They also analyzed the famous Gedman swing. This was right after he switched to the Charlie Lau/Walt Hriniak batting method, a move which turned an all-star into an average player. And there were two voices in the crowd you could hear throughout the game, and older man and a younger woman, screaming for the Sox. When Gedman was up, I heard the male voice yelling, "Come on Richie from Worcester!"

Also, so much innocent Buckner talk. Very sad. There was a foul roller at one point toward Billy Buck, which Scully called: "Slow roller up along first..." It kicked foul. But we'd hear a nearly identical call all too soon after that. The Shea Stadium crowd gave Buckner a nice hand when he was pinch-run for late in the game. It was amazing how much that guy was hobbling around.

The people that did that stupid spinning hand motion to distract the pitchers behind the plate apparently weren't there for Game Two. Or they just didn't invent that move until Game Six. Either way, terrible job.

They played the cheesiest music at Shea between innings back then.

My mom kept commenting on Clemens' skinniness, and on how she was finding it hard to "root" for him.

Oil Can Boyd had his whole name embroidered on his jacket. I don't think anybody else had a name on theirs at all.

I was familiar with Vin and Joe's announcing from the Game of the Week when I was little, but I realized how much better they were than today's national announcers. Scully came to the park prepared, man. They definitely said some dumb things, like, "The stockings have runs in them, and a lot of hits as well." But overall, very enjoyable.

And I'll admit, Boggs had a great game, in the field, and at the plate. (But of course his post game interview with Costas was "I'm awesome!"-ed out.)

People at the game who have either taken drugs or committed lewd and/or illegal acts against women included: Strawberry, Gooden, Backman, Hernandez, Boggs, and Marv Albert.

In the game, the Sox threw the Mets under a bus, 9-3, to go up two-zip. Still can't believe we lost that series. I never should've asked my mom for that "plate of meat" before Game Six, or taunted that Mets fan at school after we were up two games to none. Damn. But now we can say how it made '04 that much sweeter. I guess.

And to make the title of this post, I, uh, know two people from Amsterdam.

Monday, January 17, 2005

"Phobos Is Safe"

"The shows" were back after a long hiatus this Sunday. (Simpsons, Arrested Development.) They were good as usual, not enough David Cross as usual, but I have to say something about Family Guy. It's finally coming back to network TV. FOX showed two old episodes on Suday, either to get us ready for the new episodes, or to see if anyone's watching this time. Because every other time it's been on, it's ended up being cancelled. And then everybody goes out and makes it the number one DVD of all time.

So, everyone, as a Family Guy fan since literally day one, I implore you to watch the damn show. If everybody loves it, why can't we keep it on the air?

Also note that I may not have my facts sraight. I know the guy who created FG has a new show coming on, and maybe the FG reruns are just leading into this other show. And maybe FG always gets cancelled because Jesus people complain. I don't know, somebody fill me in. Either way, TJ by FOX.

Great moment from Simpsons: Homer's at the employment agency, and when he tells the guy behind the counter what kind of job he's looking for, the guy starts typing, and we see a shot from behind him, and he's just playing a video game on his computer. Wow, that sounds so much less funny when I describe it.

Terrible Job, Mike

In the late nineties, my friend C.A. used to imitate Chris "Mad Dog" Russo's favorite expression, "terrible job." His impression of the Doggy was so poor, I must say, that I really didn't even know that he was imitating anyone when he'd refer to someone's poor play in, say, a Nerf football game, as a "terrible job." (I also must not have been listening to Mike & the Mad Dog much at that time.)

Anyway, it took years before the saying caught on with me, but by mid-2001, anyone who knew me knew what I meant when I'd say "TJ," or the even less time-consuming "teej."

And by last year, I had a friend who'd started a band called "Terrible Job."

I don't know if TJ has peaked yet. But I definitely still say it a lot, and Mad Dog himself is still using it fairly regularly.

When I started doing this blog, I decided to not use the phrase too often. I figured it would confuse people who don't know Mad Dog, and would just be another ripped-off sports phrase to people who do. But I can't hold back any longer. You may have noticed it's been seeping into my writing lately, and now I'm just gonna bring it out in the open. I apologize to myself for hiding who I really am: A "TJ" sayer.

Terrible job, me. TJ Maxx. TJ freakin' Cinnamon's.

You Also Might Enjoy...

My friend Chan is a great writer, but doesn't do it nearly enough. His most recent post to his blog, albeit a month and a half old, is a one-line classic.

My friend Bruce is also a great writer, and seems to be writing in his blog only a little more than Chan does.

If you go to either of these sites, and agree with me that their writers should write more, please tell them.

Thank you.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Get A Load Of This

While waiting for my Wooster sandwich at Elm City Java in New Haven (Connecticut's former "next Seattle"), I took a peek at the most recent New Haven Advocate. In the letters to the editor section, I came across a steaming dump of a letter from a guy named Jim, which you can read here. (It's the fourth letter down on the page.)

Here's a highlight of the letter, if you don't feel like reading the whole thing:

"In lieu of the neverending publicity and grandeur the Red Sox Nation is still receiving, keep in mind that the New York Yankees have won 26 world championships to the Red Sox' 2. All I hear and see is Red Sox Nation plastered all over the malls, streets, magazines, advertisements, and newspapers. All right Already! You did the impossible, but the party has got to end! It has to end!"

Oh my. Before I go on, take a look at the closing of his letter, which proves that his "2 championships" theory wasn't a misprint:

"Perhaps when the Red Sox win another 24 times, as the Yankees have done, they would have something to cheer about in their never ending party. All I can say is that most Red Sox fans don't know how to win or lose with class, dignity and with good sportsmanship. I am sure there will be another Boston massacre next year when our pitching staff and power players deliver! The more you antagonize the Yankee fans, the tougher the whooping the Sox will take next year. I can't wait for opening day!"

The guy uses TEN exclamation points in a four paragraph letter, but that's beside the point. I'm going to write a letter to the paper in response to this inaccuracy-fest, which I'll share with you below.

Anyway, here's my response:

To Jim, a Yankee fan who wrote in complaining about all the attention the Red Sox have been getting since their World Series victory:

Mr. Bege, I apologize on behalf of my fellow citizens of Red Sox Nation who may have made some "nasty comments" to you during this glorious off-season. But if you haven't noticed, we've had to put up with quite a bit of the same (and much worse) from your fellow Yankee fans for our entire lives. So you're going to have to grit your teeth and prepare for the wrath of what may come from people who have literally waited a lifetime just to be able to say that their team is the World Champion.

You live in New England, home of the Red Sox. You're going to have to witness this "never ending party." It's quite painful to see the logo of your rival plastered everywhere you go, isn't it? You've had three months of this, just imagine a lifetime of it. Imagine putting your heart and soul into a team for your whole life, and then seeing ten people a day at your office who know nothing about baseball come in to work with Yankees shirts on, proud to be a part of a "champion." No, they don't know who played shortstop before Derek Jeter, but they know to call you a "loser" for wearing a Red Sox hat.

Well, as hard as it may be for you to grasp, the Red Sox are now the World Champions, and we, the fans, will be celebrating. For a long time. Right in front of you. Wouldn't you if your team hadn't won in 86 years? You'll never know what that's like, because if the Yankees ever go anywhere near that long without winning, I guarantee you'll find a team to root for that IS winning. Like, say, the Mets. Don't tell me you didn't jump on that bandwagon in 1986.

I'd like to thank you, though, Jim. For a Red Sox fan to hear such frustration coming from a Yankee fan is better than any heaven that may exist. This was the year I'd always hoped for. One where it was your team who "choked," and mine who won the whole thing.

I'd also like to correct you on one thing. This year, the Red Sox won their sixth championship, not their second. I'd expect the "most knowledgeable fans in sports" to know such a basic baseball fact, but I forgive you, you must be going through a rough time right now. I'd like to commiserate with you, but I really can't relate to how you must feel--my team never choked that bad.

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