Saturday, December 04, 2004

Race Ya

In response to the comment by Sam:

I didn't call dirt dog a racist. I definitely have said that I feel like he prefers the clean cut and lighter-skinned players on the team, the latter being a racist thing to do. There's obviously no clear-cut rule on what you have to do or say to officially be called a racist. If you say one racist thing over a life dedicated to helping people of another race, for example, are you a racist? Or a non-racist who happened to make a racist remark?

I'd never accuse dirt dog of being a slave owner, or of hanging people of other races in his backyard. Racism comes in a lot more subtle ways than that. I just see something about him that I see in a lot of people. It's a mentality of: "Okay, you don't look like me? Well, you can have a chance to be in my little club, but you'd better fly right or else hit the road, we don't need you anyway. And if someone who does look like me starts doing something bad, well, just come on, come back to the club, you're always welcome if you just do the right thing, we want you back."

Like Varitek, for example. He's got this horrible guy as his agent, who makes this ridiculous demand. Dirt dog doesn't put Tek in a yankee hat, or in a bed with Jeter, or sitting on top of a pile of money. He says, Hey Tek, Get rid of Boras, we want you to stay. And you can tell me that that's because Jason earned it or whatever, and not because he's a white dude. But Jason got us a championship, and Pedro got us a championship. Ask either one and I think they'd both say the same thing about the other: Without him, we wouldn't have won. But Pedro meets with other teams, and he goes right to the fountain with A-Rod. (Which by the way, unlike the guy that wrote in to dirt dog, I'm aware that that was dirt dog's way of saying that he feels that Pedro was going to the yanks, and I'd seen the pic before with Jeter's head instead of Pedro. I know he wasn't going for the "look how gay Pedro is" effect there. Although the whole idea of "you're so dumb, you must prefer to be with people who are the same sex as you" is really, really stupid, too.) And Schilling, as another example: I hear a whole lot about how he runs his mouth too much, and supposedly all his teammates traditionally have wanted him to "shut up and pitch." Dirt dog only mentions this in a light-hearted manner, if ever, like Schill was his buddy. I'm tellin' you, give Schilling Pedro's accent, skin color, and hair, and he'd be ripped to shreds on that site. The guy named his kid after a yankee. If Pedro did that, well, I don't even wanna think about what kind of pictures we'd see on there.

It was also hilarious how the other guy that wrote to dirt dog missed the lyric from "White Lines." (When I saw the lyric up there originally, I thought, "Dirt dog knows White Lines? I wonder if he thought it was an instructional record on how organize rallies for...well, nevermind. But look, there you go, he listens to rap music, or at least he bought Millennium Hip-Hop Party, so he couldn't be that racist. I guess.)

But back to that topic: I just see a certain thing about that site, where's it's just a little too often that I see a black guy with a mean face and a cruel headline over it. It's all a matter of opinion, though. I guess if you say something, and don't intend it to be racist, but someone else perceives it that way, then there's going to be a discrepancy. And I haven't made some official statement where I proclaim the man a racist or anything. The main things that get me mad about that site aren't about race, they are: When he groups all Sox fans together, when he tries to drive a player out of town or makes fun of one for his choice of haircut, and the now all-too-common untrue predictions, which are made as if they've already come true. (By the way, why does even have him on there? What's the point? They're supposed to be news, but all his stuff is opinion, which is never labelled as such, and incorrect info from unnamed sources. I'm thinkin' they'll drop him. And if they do, maybe his predictions will start coming true again.)

But back, once again, to the guy who missed the song lyric. I think that's one of the funniest things that can happen in society. When somebody quotes a song, and somebody else doesn't know that what they're hearing is from a song. If you can ever purposely pull that off, it's even funnier. Like if you stood up to say a toast at a wedding or something, and started saying, "And as we wind on down the road, our shadows taller than our souls, there walks a lady we all know, who shines white light and wants to show how everything still turns to gold. And Tracy, Bill, family and friends, remember, if you listen very hard, the tune will come to you at last. Finally folks, when all are one and one is all, yeah, to be a rock...and not to roll. Salud!" Eventually people would start laughing, but by the end, you could probably tell which people didn't know why they're laughing.

So I hope that cleared things up. Thanks for your comment.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Holiday Fun

First I watched the classic Frosty the Snowman, my favorite all-time holiday special, then I watched Victor Conte on 20/20.

So let me get this straight: Santa Claus comes to the greenhouse made for growing Christmas poinsettas, sees that Frosty has melted, gives a big song and dance about how when a December wind kisses the rain, Frosty will return. He then opens the door, the wind blows in, kisses the puddle that was once Frosty, and Frosty reappears.

Then Victor Conte tells me that THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS.

I don't know what to believe.

Speaking of Christmas, the Red Sox are doing "Christmas at Fenway" again next weekend. I'm kind of surprised they didn't call it Holidays at Fenway or something. Jewish fans must be pissed. Where's Chanukkah at Fenway? Or Kwanzaa at Fenway? And why does everybody make fun of Kwanzaa? Mention it and you'll get a similar reaction to when you bring up Beta tapes. Yeah, it's almost like there's a hierarchy of holidays, now. Christmas is DVD, Chanukkah is VHS, and Kwanzaa is Beta. I say it's time to upgrade everybody to DVD. I think everybody needs to see Kwanzaa with director commentary.

Answer To Quiz #10

The last Red Sox player to win the World Series MVP was Luis Tiant in 1975. But it wasn't the World Series MVP, it was the Babe Ruth Award, which was only won twice by a member of the losing team. The last Sox player to win the World Series MVP was...nobody, because that award wasn't given out until well after 1918.

Danny gets, uhh, half credit on this one.

A Fairy Tale (They Say)

The trophy's going to Vermont tomorrow. Since I work Monday to Friday, I figured maybe I could go up there and see the trophy again. Why not, right? It's going to be in a town called Essex Junction. I had to look that one up. Turns out it's near Burlington, which is near, well, Canada. I was hoping it would be in the extreme southwest corner of Vermont, which is the closest part of the state to where I am. But there probably aren't any towns there. So I don't think I'm gonna make that one. Especially since I'd have to watch Frosty the Snowman at 8, then watch the Balco thing on 20/20 at 10, then start the five hour drive north, find a motel, sleep for several hours, wake up, hit snooze, wake up, hit snooze, wake up, hit snooze, wake up, hit snooze, wake up, continue driving north, and get there by eleven AM. Not happening. And what's more, I checked the forecast for this Petticoat Junction or whatever it's called, and there were some small snowflakes tonight, followed by larger, more menacing flakes for tomorrow. My old band, The Pac-Men, played up in Plattsburgh, New York, which is across the border from Burlington, a few Decembers ago. It was unlivably cold. Is that a word? Anyway, another reason for me to go would have been so I could go to Vermont FOR THE FIRST TIME. I've been to almost every state in the US, but that one not 200 miles from where I've lived my whole life continues to elude me. Some day. Or did I go once? I don't remember. Okay, three minutes til Frosty. I live for this.

Steroid Fever. Catch It!

I've never understood why anyone would want to take drugs. But what boggles my mind is how you can be a forty-year old man who still cheats at games. Especially when you play in front of millions. Terrible job, Barry, and all the other cheaters.

Thursday, December 02, 2004


Jason Giambi told a grand jury in December '03 that he took steroids for three years. Got 'em from Greg Anderson. He injected testosterone into his ass.

HR's off Pedro in Game 7 of ALCS '03 now officialy tainted. Red Sox AL Champs '03.

yankees have to eat 80 million.

A great day for yankee haters everywhere.

World Champion Boston Red Sox (Default Post Title)

This yankee fan lady returned to work today, after having been in the hospital since before the playoffs. So wearing a Red Sox shirt EVERY day paid off, because it guaranteed me having one on the day she came back.

She came right up to me and stared at the shirt (today's was "AL Champs," perfect), taking her medicine, so to speak. Good job by her. She didn't start with the "2090" crap. You know they're actually selling T-shirts that say "1918, 2004, 2090." What yankee fan is really gonna buy that? "Yeah, I don't THINK the Sox will win again for 86 more years! So there!" Come on, people. Actually, I really, really hope I get to see yankee fans wearing that shirt. I'll have a nice laugh (in their faces) over it.

You know, every fourth or fifth day, I'll start to feel a little embarrased about wearing Red Sox shirts every day, like thinking that everyone's making fun of me. But within a second, that feeling goes away and is replaced by giddiness and pride. I just walk right by those fuckers with my head held high. All those pieces of crap, taunting me for all these years, because of what team I like. People who never had a clue. People who heard from their friends that it's cool to make fun of Red Sox fans. People who called themselves yankee fans, despite literally not knowing any of the players' names. People who thought that because they said the word "choke" to me, than that must make them a better person than I am. You know what? That's all they had. 1918 is all they had. Now, they're still redneck trailer trash with borderline mullets, and I'm still a smart, funny dude, AND my team is number one, while their team is a bunch of chokers. Choke. Oh, how that word has gone from being so painful to hear, to being the sweetest word in the English language. "Sweeter than any candy you've ever tasted."--Mike Timlin

Mad Dog was great today, showing the Red Sox SI issue on the air on the Steinbrenner-owned 'Hell, No' network. And just generally rubbing in the Red Sox beating the yanks after being down 3 games to none, and going on to win the World Series, to Mike. Mike is so pissed, talking about how all these Sox fans keep calling him up, and he just can't say anything.

The day after I wrote about dirtdog only liking the American Red Sox players, some other folks wrote to him saying a similar thing, and he posted those emails, followed by emails from fans defending dirtdog. I think this is all made up, to make it look like one person says dirtdog's a racist, but he's a dumb yankee fan, so he must be wrong, while everyone who defends dirtdog is a smart Sox fan, so they must be right. Either way, all I'm gonna say about this is: There's racism everywhere, lots of it. Boston has a lot of racists. New York has a lot of racists. I'm proud of my team for who they are, and I'm proud to be in the company (fan-wise) of so many great, passionate people who support the Red Sox. But I'm sickened by every racist, no matter what team they root for. I could easily point out all the good, non-racist things about the Red Sox and their fans, while pointing out all the bad, racist things about the yanks and their fans. But I know there's good and bad on both sides. I'll do that stuff when it comes to baseball-related issues (like ripping on Quantrill all year long and rarely even mentioning Ramiro Mendoza), but when it comes to real-life stuff, it's a whole different ballgame. Or, not a ballgame at all, as my point was supposed to be.

Finally, one more note about the Nirvana box set: Pat informed me that the box itself is heat sensitive. So you can put your hand on it for a few seconds, and it'll leave a white handprint on the box. So have fun. If you don't own it, go to the store and try it out. Although who knows if it works through shrink wrap. Either way, keep your pants on, everybody. Especially at the Wal-Mart.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Blame Canada

I wonder if Dirtdog sees the irony. Here he is ripping Pedro every time he meets with another team (A baseball owner has a meeting with a free agent; oh my god, write a song about it, quick!), and calling him "Greedy Petey," first superimposing a yankees hat, and now a Mets hat on Pedro's head.

This is the same guy who has sold his site to (Pedro has only received offers, remember). Now he's stuck with their advertisers' big banner ads on his site, one of whom, hilariously, is the Canada Board of Tourism.

That's right, Mr. American United We Stand Patriot Guy could've rejected offers to sell his soul, I mean site, which would've kept ads telling people to go to a different country off of it. But I guess the money's just a little more important. Don't worry, U.S. soldiers overseas, Dirt Dog still supports you, he gave you his once-a-year "thank you." And you can find an Americn flag on the site, just scroll WAY down. Yeah, there it is, only five times smaller than the Canada ad. Oh man, I crack myself up. Right wingers hate this stuff. I'd give anything to see an ad that says "Visit France" gracing the dirtdog site.

It's also ironic that he keeps showing us pictures of the New York friggin' Post, because that's what the dirtdogs site has turned into. One overreaction after another, with big fancy headlines written solely to get a buzz about his site. (That's what it's always been, I guess.) You know how many people "discover" that site every day, thinking they've found some secret well of information? A lot, I think. But like me, they'll all become tired of reading things that simply aren't true, written by some guy in his proverbial "mother's basement," who enjoys the Red Sox, so long as they're clean cut and white to off-white.

If you want to have ads on your site, that's your business. Whatever. But when you cross that line, you kind of lose the right to make fun of people for being greedy. And you definitely lose the right to make fun of someone because you think they're going to do something that could be called greedy.

I know, I should mind my own business. I'll get back to my vacation planning. Hmmm...I hear Canada's nice this time of year...

Monday, November 29, 2004

A Noble Spirit

Click here to see the grass back on the field at Fenway.

I guess the futuristic drainage system is in place. Click "Time-lapse" to watch the the events of the last 48 hours unfold. Looks like they had the grass in little rolled up sections, and they slowly unrolled each one. Watching this reminded me of various cartoon characters who have literally painted themselves into corners over the years.

It's cool how you see the grass get replaced, but it's a gray day, so you can't really tell if it's actually grass--until the lights come on, and you see the brilliant green appear. Good to have you back, outfield.

So I guess the field is supposed to be a foot or so lower now. I wonder: Will there be a step down from the dugouts and bullpens? Or will there be some kind of slope there? If so, that would kind of cancel the whole drainage idea, so probably not.

And not only will the height of the fences embiggen, but it will be harder to rob homers in right field. And more importantly, what about the people (myself included, usually) who wait for baseballs down the right field line during batting practice. Up until now, you could reach down and grab a ball as it rolled by where the fence is at its lowest. Won't be so easy now. I'll miss that.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Game On

"We had fun, but when we stepped between the baselines, guess what? Game on." --Johnny Damon

Red Sox named Sportsmen of the Year. (Should be Sportspeople of the Year. Get out of the stone age, SI.)

Quiz #10

Dave in California knew that Sally Ann Cavanaugh was Alan Stanwyk's first wife in the movie Fletch.

Pan-Am clerk: "In fact, you purchased the ticket for Miss Cavanaugh."
Fletch: "Doesn't mean I want her sitting next to me does it?"

Quiz #10: Name the last Red Sox player to win the World Series MVP award before Manny won it this season. (Ess-actly.)

Bragging Rights

The Nation finally discovers miss Susan Reynolds. I know you all remember who told you about her a long time ago.

While looking for that old post, I came across a weird statement I wrote on the day we got Dave Roberts (from July 31st): "Dave Roberts, I'm down with him, he may be a steal."

What a "steal" he was. I wish I'd intended that pun. I also had forgotten that Roberts was the guy who hit the ball that Pokey leaped ten feet in the air to catch.

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