Saturday, November 25, 2006

It Satisfies

Danbury-area people: Remember Speedy Man? Check out this commercial I taped, from when Speedy Pizza picked up on the "rap" craze that was so big back in '91.

I let it play out, into the Plays of the Week from around, fittingly, Thanksgiving, 1991.

'06-'07 Quiz VIII

What two players shared the AL Player of the Week Award for the last week of the 1978 regular season?

Quiz VI and VII remain unsolved.

Vote For Joy

Vote for Joy of Sox here. Category 13: Best Sports Blog. In Canada. VOTE EVERY DAY.

Joy of Sox, as you may know, is done by a dude who lives in Canada. So even though he blogs about the Red Sox, he's still eligible for the Canadian Blog Awards. He has made it to the finals, and is up against four other blogs. During round one, I kind of thought Joy Boy would win in a rout. His is the most popular Sox blog, and once he put up a link to vote for himself, I thought it was all over. In fact, the reason I didn't put a link up here is because I thought in might be unfair, and add insult to injury. However, some dude's blog about the basketball team in Toronto got more than twice as many votes as Joy did in Round 1. And some hockey blog beat him, too. So now it's time to make the wrong right.

You can vote once a day. Voting ends next Friday. The votes are all cleared back to zero going into this second and final round, so all blogs are starting from the same point. Voting suggestions:

Vote from your home and work computer. Once a day.
Tell each of your co-workers to vote. Every day.
Vote from their computer when they're at lunch if they refuse. Every day.
Vote from each computer at your local computer store or online cafe. Every day.
Offer to feed your neighbor's cats, then vote from their computer each day that you're there, right after feeding said cats.
Ask your local Republican politicians for tips on fixing vote counts.
Get creative.
Pass this on to all your Joy of Sox-loving friends and make him the winner.

Thank you.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Initials: A.C., D.C. ...

Kara and Amy, this one's for you. "Initials" was played today as part of the Thanksgiving festivities. Best two out of three. Team A was captained by yours truly, and featured my girlfriend, my mom, Joan and Jimmy (pictured, with AC/DC's Brian Johnson), Stephanie, and her beau Moe. Team B was controlled by my dad, and featured my sister, Sue, Baby Nancy, Aunt Nancy, Daniel, Ryan, and Jessie. After we split the first two games, game three was a tie, so we kept playing tie-breaking rounds, which kept resulting in more ties. Our team finally won it, when we both played even except for "LM," which they put some Patriots running back that none of our team had heard of, and we put Larry McMurtry. That was the clincher.

That's it, everybody, hope you had a good Thanksg--

Okay. You weren't gonna let me go without an explanation of that picture, were you? My cousin Joan-y Baloney and her hubby are friends with Brian Johnson. How cool is that? I could just hear them tell me that all night. Them: "We're friends with Brian Johnson and we hang out with him." Me: "Cool!" [they leave room] [they reenter room] Them: "We're friends with Brian Johnson and we hang out with him." Me: "Cool!" And so on. And so on.


I read this line about the Cubs in a article:

After coming so close in 2003 and then watching the "cursed" Red Sox, Crosstown White Sox and rival Cardinals win the World Series the next three years,

Isn't that weird? I never thought of it that way. Those are the three teams most closely connected to the Cubs (with Padres and Mets right up there, I guess). And they've each won in the last three years, right after the Cubs seemed to be a lock to get into the Series in '03. Maybe this is all leading to a Cubs championship. Right after the Padres and Mets win in '07 and '08...

Or not. It will also be weird if the Cubs reach the 100-year mark in their drought. Good luck, Cubs.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The Final Fake Chapter

This morning, as I walked along a fluffy cloud to work, visions of dejected D. Jeter dancing in my head, I noticed a New York Post, blaring the word "Jeeted!" followed by this gem: "Anti-Yankee Yokels Cheat MVP Derek."

Apparently the Yankees don't have enough awards and trophies. They have to just go ahead and pronounce themselves king even when someone else has been given the crown. Yokels? Who would that be? The people that actually watch all the teams, and not just the Yankees? People here in New York think Derek Jeter is the best to ever play the game, because of a very simple formula: (They've seen him be the best player on their team for the last ten years) + (They don't know there are any other teams). If they knew the Yankees weren't the only team in the league, why would they continue to claim victories when they've really lost?

Now back to our story. I also saw last night on TV the headline "Jeter Gypped." So after I saw the Post headline, I realized that we were entering into the final phase of this charade. The charade that started when the New York media decided Derek Jeter deserved an MVP at some point, and why not this year, as long as there's no clear-cut winner? It seemed like the perfect crime. And much like when Keith Jackson would mention his favorite college football player more than once, leading to that player being seen as the leading Heismann Trophy candidate, it snowballed from there. I know Michael Kay sat back and smiled any time someone called Derek Jeter the "favorite" in the MVP race, a race that, this year, he shouldn't have even been in.

The really interesting part was when people started in with "usually his skills are measured by intangibles, but this year he's got the stats to back them up." Where? Do I have to turn my newspaper upside down? He seems to move up certain lists that way. Are they talking about the nerd stats? VORP? Trying to put a number on "value," by using a mythical replacement player? I still don't get why nerds would use unscientific methods, ever. That's like a doctor coming out of the operating room and saying "I've cured your grandma's cancer, using a mix of alchemy and miracle-work." There's no replacement grandma, there's no replacement player.

So the final chapter is the part where New York is outraged (!) Gimme a break. Jeter didn't get robbed any more than any one of five other dudes did. It wasn't his award.

The Daily News, New York's other tabloid rag, gave a different opinion, though. Mike Lupica shouted right back at Post writers: "Jeter Was Not Robbed." I'm glad I'm not the only one. (I'd link to the article, but it's so full of sickening Jeter-love, I wouldn't want to make anyone vomit. Besides the main idea, there's nothing else there.)

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I What Now?

Can you believe MLB made this? And sells it for actual American currency? Or that any Yankee fan would buy it? Dunbar himself coming up with Yankees Universe was pathetic enough, but come on. This would be like if the Red Sox announced their new slogan next year as "Mystique and Aura."

I should point out that there's a Red Sox version of this shirt, and it's just as stupid. And I'm talking about the "attitude" part. I wouldn't want to tell someone what their wishes are. Actually, this way of thinking printed on a shirt would be perfect for a lot of Yankee fans. You know, with the wacky twist of having the shirt use a decidely Red Sox phrase.

They also make a White Sox Nation, Cardinals Nation, and Tigers Nation version. Terrible job all around.

Derek Jeter NOT MVP

I can sleep peacefully this offseason!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice job, voters! Praise you. I knew you would do the right thing.

Article here. Morneau wins.

Hahahhahhahahhahhahhahaa! Eat that, Jeter. Not the best on paper, not the best in real life, I knew the voters wouldn't listen to that ENTIRELY MADE-UP candidacy.

This Is Boston, Not L. A.

Apparently we've shown Daisuke around Boston. The L. A. section. I guess it's like when Chan's parents "come to visit" from Hong Kong and they only go as far as California and Chan has to meet them out there.

The Best Thing About Our Culture Is...

that Derek Smalls and Principal Skinner are the same guy.

Harry Shearer is one of my favorite people. Click here for his website, and feel free to e-mail him and tell him how awesome he is.

While we're on that topic, check this out, from Mark, via Mike:

The Kramer Thing

Downright disturbing. I was going to embed the video of Michael Richards spouting racist nonsense but I don't even want it on my site. The link to the video is here. Warning: Really horrible things said in video.

I chose to link one of the YouTube versions of this for a reason. A while back I was reading the comments on some poplular YouTube video, and I noticed something that sickened me. Blatant racism. I'd never seen anything like it. It made me realize what a breeding ground for bigots the web is. Because a person online is faceless. They can say whatever they want with almost no chance of being found out. Some of these people are 15 year olds "joking" around while their parents aren't looking. Some are klansmen. But it all looks the same in the written word. And the people who are "joking"? You don't joke about stuff like this--it's their true personality coming out.

Anyway, in the comments for this Michael Richards thing, you'll notice the same trend. (Make sure you click "view all comments." As I write this, there are 1,500 comments. But just scroll through a page at a time. You'll see "LOL" (that means 'laughing out loud,' mom) on each page. Those are the non-creative or lazy racists, I guess. The other ones just come right out and say what they're feeling. It's heartbreaking, in a way. It really makes me want to live in another country as not to be associated with this crap.

Maybe it's just a bunch of teenagers trying to get a rise out of people. (Some absolutely are just proud racists, though. Again, just sift through the comments and you'll see what I mean.) And maybe that's what Richards was trying to do as well. But, again, the truth shines right through. These people are able to say these things because it's what they believe. Screw Michael Richards and all the other racists.

I watched Michael on the Letterman show tonight and it was pathetic. Seinfeld should've disowned him as a friend instead of giving up his time to let him make a sorry attempt at an apology.

Monday, November 20, 2006

10 Is For Gedman

My ten-game plan renewal form arrived in the mail! '07 begins! And the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special is on. What an awesome what I would be saying if I hadn't just realized that the Thanksgiving show is easily the shittiest Charlie Brown special there is. Linus sounds like he's reached puberty. Sally is fucking up lines left and right. Hell, they make Peppermint Pattie the star--gimme less of her and way more of Pigpen.

Oh, right, the plan. Two Yankees games as usual, and I assume we'll get the chance to buy first round playoff tix. Maybe the team could, like, make it this year. Lucchino has included a letter with my form that states We are rededicating ourselves to returning to "October Baseball."

Yes, he capitalized it. Hey, at what point did they undedicate themselves to this? I never got that letter.

He also mentions "Year VI" of the Fenway improvements. I like that the improvements are like Rocky films. This offseason, Clubber Lang has knocked out those walls behind the third base grandstand, which will make walking over there much better. Good move. Larry also mentioned what I already read on the site, that they purposely added more weekday afternoon games, as per our (?) request. Great, more games for WTIC AM 1080 Hartford to pre-empt for Rush Limbaugh--provided they aren't carrying the god damn Yankees next year.

Qwizz Newzz

Wow. Quiz VII is taking on a life of its own. Click here to join the insanity.

Quiz VI is also still unanswered. Maybe I'll add a clue to one or both of these. Maybe soon. Maybe not at all.

For the quiz standings and stuff, click the link to the right which shows Dwight Evans in front of the Green Monster with the word "QUIZ" painted on it. Or here.

En Oh Em Eh Ah

Nomar just signed a two-year deal to stay on with the Trolley Car Evaders. Good for him. Whatever he wants to do is fine with me. I heart Nomar 4-Ever.

Sorry Asshole aka "Sori...ah...NO, Peg" has supposedly signed a 1,000-year, 10 trillion dollar contract with the Chicago Adolescent Bears.

Wow, this post is full of stupid nicknames and other assorted dumb stuff.

"La Fille Que J'aimera"

Much of our generation can't quote poetry or great literature. But we know a lot of song lyrics and movie lines. And that counts. That totally counts.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

A Dynamite Taste

So Chan and I are walking through the park, me with video camera, as I needed to get some stuff on tape for a future project which may or may not come to fruition. Who goes right by us on his Sunday fitness stroll, but Le Gran Orange himself, baseball legend Rusty Staub. I immediately tell Chan, who proves clueless. I had my camera, so I sprang into action. I walked/jogged back to a point ahead of Staub, sat on a bench, held up my camera and pretended I was filming, well, trees. Secretly I was zooming in on Rusty, who was none the wiser. He was focused, like Joe DiMaggio at Dinky Donuts.

The things I'll do to capture the likenesses of minor celebrities.

The coolest thing about Rusty Staub, to me, was that when I was little, I'd turn over his baseball cards and look at his stats to see "Colt .45s." By the nineteen-eighties, there weren't really any other players left who could say they played for the .45s. And there weren't any players left from any other teams who'd changed names or were defunct. So, on your 80s baseball cards, you'd see the names of the 26 existing major league teams, and on that one card, the Colt .45s. I also got to know Rusty from going to Mets games at Shea during the years he was on the Mets. Lookin' good, Rusty.

Note: Before I published this, I took a peek at the rosters of those Colt .45 teams ('62-'64, before they became the Astros) and saw there was another one who made it to the 80s: Joe Morgan. But, hey, whose card are you gonna turn over first, the guy whose name is Rusty and looks like a clown or anyone else's? There were also some Senators who made it to the 80s: The palindromic Toby Harrah and the two "I"s in successioned Larry Biitner to name two. The point is, Staub played for a team with a number and a decimal point in their name. How often do dudes like that walk past you and Chan?

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