Friday, March 12, 2004

It's Never Too Early...

The reason the Red Sox should kick y*nkee butt this year is pitching. Ours looks great, theirs is suspect. I know it's not even St. Patty's day and the real players have only played a little bit, but look at what I've got for you: Both teams have played nine games. y*nkees pitching has given up 6.78 runs per game so far. Sox pitching has given up 4.89 runs per game.

All right, maybe it is still too early.

But I think this is just a sign of things to come....

Thursday, March 11, 2004

A View From The Bean (Vol. 1)

Since MLB and NESN still consider Fairfield County part of New York only, and NOT part of New England, which, in reality, it is, our only option around here is watching the Sox at a bar. I go every once in a while, but as a non-drinker, I'm not always eager to go down there, so I usually Castiglione it. But when I do go to the bar, I go to Billy Bean's. It's actually pretty cool for a bar, a lot more like Cheers--which is what I always thought bars would be like when I was little--than other bars, not because "everyone knows my name", but because, well, you can actually see in there, and the Sox are on (one tv, anyway). My buddy Pat, who I've known since Rich Gedman was a rookie, frequents the Bean a lot more than I do. So he gets to see a lot more games, but the downside is, he also gets to deal with y*nkee "fans" up close on a near-nightly basis. Here's his first column about that:

Y*nkee fans: The chosen few...err...uneducated billions (by Pat)

Going into 2004, I've decided that what bothers me most about Y*nkee fans isn't the fact that they know and care little about the sport outside of their toilet bowl of a stadium, or the fact that they conveniently ignore that one thing -- MONEY, not mystique -- is responsible for the majority of their success. It's the attitude: "Looks like I've made the right choice in which team to root for, I guess I'm just smarter than you!" Well, congratulations, my mustachioed friend, you've made it big.
I know a few Y*nkee fans who are nice people, relatively intelligent, who happen to have liked the team since they were kids. Good for them. And I don't even mind talking baseball with the few Y*nkee fans who can name 10 major league baseball players that aren't wearing pinstripes.
But these fans are few and far between in northern Fairfield County, Conn., to say the very least.
Most Y*nkee fans I encounter are completely ignorant about the sport of baseball as a whole, but they know the only two things NYY fans need to know: (1)Y*nkees rule. and (2) 1918.
One doesn't have to look too hard to come to the conclusion that Y*nkee fans around here are, by and large, very casual bandwagon fans who wouldn't give two poops about the Y*nkees if they were a middle of the road team. They also, for the most part, don't start caring about the team until October, when they dust off the old Paul O'Neill jersey and magically transform into "The Biggest Y*nkee Fans in the World," and will gladly run their puke-holes about it until they're blue in the face.
It seems like many of these folks are using their support of the glorious Y*nkees to establish themselves as better people. As if I'm a lesser person for following the Red Sox than whatever career-drunk, Sambuca-stinking, visible-gold-chain-and-cross-wearing Y*nkee fan acting like A-Rod came to New York because he knew this guy was a fan.
I'm sure those trade discussions went like this:
ARod: "I don't know Cashman...I'm not sure about this."
Cashman: "All right Alex, I didn't want to bring this up, but we've got a very special fan up in Connecticut who would be willing to root for you if you approve the trade. He stinks like Sambuca, and he'll tell just about anyone how great the Y*nkees are, regardless of whether they're listening."
ARod: "Why didn't you say something earlier? That's the deal-breaker. I'm in."
These types of fans are fun. There is no room for reasoning or discussion when dealing with them. Since the A-Rod trade I've been dealing with them in the following manner:
Typical NYY Fan: "We got A-Rod, the Red Sox are toast. 1918!"
Me; "Yeah, you're right. You've got me. Congratulations! Good job."
They look at me funny, then I ignore them. Also, I found insinuating that Jeter and A-Rod are homosexuals really gets 'em going, then I try and explain to them that there is absolutely nothing wrong or shameful about it. The mayor of Nyack, NY, is now performing gay marriages just 40 minutes north of the Stadium. This gets these guys really mad, so I wouldn't recommend using that one too often.
I used to play fun games with Y*nkee "fans," time-honored games like "Name Any Y*nkee Player From the Early 1990s Who Isn't Named Mattingly," or "Who Played Shortstop Before Jeter?" Of course, they never know any of this stuff because they just started paying attention in 1996, if not way later than that.
This past off season, my friend Bob (a huge Mets fan who pulls for the Red Sox because he really hates the Y*nkees) came up with a great one. During the months of Nov. Dec. and Jan. we'd ask any NYY fan who was running their mouth about "Y*nkee Aura" what they though of Jon Leiber. Of about 25 random loudmouthed NYY fans, maybe one barely knew who their 5th starter for this year was, much less that he was signed with the team all of last year. The rest of them just stood there, slack-jawed. That pretty much sums it up. Their typical response to learning that they know very little about their glorious Y*nkees? "Whatever, 1918." Wow, that's a good one. Zing!
But I'm now officially done trying to talk with these fans, the majority of whom are idiots. Not to say all Red Sox fans are geniuses, but even my buddy and fellow Sox fan Drunken Fran can discuss baseball somewhat rationally -- even after 50 Budweisers. I'm also done with Y*nkee Stadium, because I feel like going on a killing spree whenever I'm there. For real.
Enough of spring training, let's bring on the real games. I can't wait for that $200 million pile of crap in the Bronx to self-destruct in history-making fashion. Sheffield's already crying, by the way.

Once a y*nkee...

Can someone please tell me the criteria a player must meet in order to be considered "always a y*nkee"?

Clemens said when he decided to play for the Astros that he'd always be a y*nkee. Today on the FAN, y*nks GM Brian Cashman said that Andy Petitte will always be a y*nkee. So there are two current Astros who are really y*nkees, depending on who you ask. There's something wrong with this premise.

The guy who played his first 8 or so seasons with the y*nkees, only to be treated like dirt by the boss, and be allowed to get away in his prime, and will probably pitch at least that many years with HOUSTON (and maybe others later) is always a y*nkee.

And the guy who played his first 8 or so seasons with the RED SOX, and then left and had two of his best years with the BLUE JAYS, before going to the y*nkees for a few years just so he could get a ring, and then "retire" because he wanted to go out as a y*nkee, but then plays the next year for HOUSTON, is always a y*nkee.

Interesting how the guy that y*nkee fans don't like right now is trying to latch on to that y*nkee "mystique," while the team itself is trying to hang it on the guy the fans do like.

New rule: you're only a player for the team you're currently on. Choose your one special team after you retire. (I mean REALLY retire.)

Actually, the captain of the Rangers plays for the y*nkees, so I guess nothing should surprise me...

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Gary the Paper yankee

Today Gary Sheffield decided to go ahead and play with his torn ligament. Perfect. The more spring training games he plays, the more real games he'll end up missing. Also, I remembered hearing something about ligaments recently, but couldn't pinpoint it. Then it came to me. The other day I was watching some of Paper Lion, the movie about George Plympton's attempt to play football, starring that dude from M*A*S*H as Plympton, and Webster's dad, George Papadopolus, as himself. By himself I mean Alex Karras.
So to sum up, Alex who later played George on Webster, played Alex, while George was played by Alan Alda, who also played Hawkeye on M*A*S*H. Wait a minute, Alex Karras played his college ball for Iowa--the Hawkeyes. So Alex, the Hawkeye, who played George P., played Alex, and Alan, who played Hawkeye, played George P. ....

Anyway, in the movie, Karras and another player were trying to convince Plympton to quit for his own safety. And their final stern warning is something to the effect of, "Watch out for the ligaments--the ligaments don't heal."

Come to think of it, I just mentioned Webster's dad the other day. Lys asked me to get on a chair to change a lightbulb, and I reminded her of the time when Webster--in what I can assure you was a VERY special episode--walked in on George and M'am in their bedroom while George was doing some sexy dance on the bed for M'am. And when they asked Webby what he thought was happening, he said, "George was changing a lightbulb."

So my point is, just watch out the next time you're changing a lightbulb, Mr. Sheffield.

Or something.

In other news, a piece of misinformation that I've already told you about was repeated today. Sweeney Murti (green reporter turned yankee shill) was on the FAN this morning, and when he started talking about the yankee bullpen, I knew exactly what was coming. And Sweeney didn't dissapoint. "With Quantrill and Gordon..." Go ahead, give us that magic number... "...and Gabe White, a lot of folks I've talked to around baseball say the yankees are back to playing SIX INNING GAMES."
Where have I heard that before? Only now Gabe White is included in the mix. Maybe that's the REAL key to making it a six inning game--Gabe White! Certainly didn't help today as White is tagged for 7 runs--including a HR for J. D. Drew, his 5th in 5 games for the Braves. I love when ex-yankees achieve success. Know that Steinbrenner's black heart skips an irregular beat every time someone he let get away does good.

Monday, March 08, 2004

Santy Claus, Why Are You Taking My Birthday Wins?

Besides being my dad's birthday, today is my half-birthday. I'm now 28 1/2. The Red Sox won twice today for my dad's big day (two split-squad wins) and we also got the bonus present (half present?) of the Sheffield injury news. And I know the games don't count, but I'm still kinda jealous, because the Red Sox never win on my birthday, September 8th.

Last year, it was a horrible loss to the Orioles.
In '02, a 9-4 loss to the Jays at home.
'01: A loss in the Bronx, I was there, upper deck, LAST row, but behind home plate. (Saw twin towers for the last time out the little rectangular windows at the top of the stadium--one of the two "dashes" between 'Y*NKEE' and 'STADIUM' when looking from the outside, 3 days before 9-11).
'00: Again I was there, saw Bryce Florie get hit in the face, another loss to NY.
'99: 6-2 loss at Oakland.
'98: Pedro loses to Cone and NY at home, 3-2.
'97: No game.
'96: 7-4 loss at Chicago.
'95: Wakefield loses to Cone 8-4 @ NY. (My folks took me to Stadium, we sat way back in left field lower deck.)
'94: STRIKE.
'93: 8-1 loss at Chicago.
'92: Matt Young loses to now old y*nkee Kevin Brown at Texas 8-1.

You have to go all the way back to 1991 to find the last time the Sox won on my birthday, September 8th. 17-6 vs. Seattle. Mike Gardiner got the win. Phil Plantier hit his 4th homer of the year. Griffey, Jr. was 1 for 3. And Ellis Burks was 1 for 3 with a sac fly. That's right, the last win on my birthday had Ellis Burks in the lineup....hey, maybe that's the key to a birthday win this year!

The Boston Red Sox are a perfect 0-10 in the last 12 seasons on September 8th.

As for the last road win on my birthday, you gotta go back almost 20 years to a 9-3 eleven inning win at Baltimore in '86.

This year's game is at Oakland, on a Wednesday at 10:05. I'll be up late that night. I will see this streak come to an end. And then a month and a half later, another streak will come to an end.

Note: I apologize to you if your birthday is not during baseball season, I know that at least I have a chance for a win nearly every year, and I don't take it for granted.....but 1991??? Come on!

Note #2: Check out how your team did on your birthday at

Michael Kay and His Lies

Okay, so I taped the game today on HN! (Hell No!) (YES), because I was out taking a walk with Lys, and driving around. Later, I got my notebook and pen, and got ready for the misinformation. After a few innings, I had jotted down a few things, like Kay saying on two different occasions, "Kevin Millar came up with the phrase 'Cowboy Up'." Which makes it sound like Millar actaully invented the term, which of course is false. This is more like Kay being stupid than purposely misleading the audience. But either way, he didn't really spew out any outright lies...
Until about the 5th inning. The crowd had quited down, and Kay comes out with this beauty, comparing the quietness with that of Fenway Park:
"The fans at Fenway, what they do is they'll cheer if something happens, but they will not cheer if the team is down, or if something is about to happen. Which is kinda different from yankee Stadium. Seems like Red Sox fans expect gloom and doom."
I was fuming at this one, even though I'd actually heard him say this one before.
Although he garbled his point, I think it's clear that what he was trying to say is that Red Sox fans only cheer when something good happens, but don't know how to cheer in order to fire up the team when they're losing, unlike yankee fans.
Well let me just clear something up, Mr. God Complex. Red Sox fans are known for cheering in order to start a rally. We'll do it at any time, winning or losing, and all WITHOUT THE AID OF THE SCOREBOARD telling us exactly what to say, or the organ music telling us when to clap.
Michael Kay is pure evil, and so condescending to the Red Sox and Red Sox fans, it just makes me sick. Yeah, we all sit quietly and wait for gloom and doom, that's why we sold out the season in February.

Anyway, that was today's Big Kay Lie, but I'll give you some more examples of general yankee disgusting-ness I had to witness today:

Kay: "Nomar doesn't like the pressure of playing in Boston, so how could he play in New York?"
This just makes no sense.

They showed a graphic comparing stats between the two teams in last year's ALCS. Kay said, "....(the yankees) outscored the Red Sox by just one run--and you can see how close everything else was".
And as he's saying this I'm focusing on one the five or so stats on the screen that showed batting average: NY .227, Bos .272. Pretty close, right?

Oh, here's a weird one. This kind of shows how Kay really does purposely lie. He pointed out how Girardi's name was spelled wrong on the scoreboard, but they JUST corrected it. He then said it had been spelled "Gerrard...with no 'i'." Then, they cut to a shot of the incorrect version of the name that a different camera had caught, and the name was spelled wrong, but it was "Gerardi." So Kay was proven by his own producers to be exaggerating. What a liar.

When Pokey Reese hit a home run that went over the 385-ft. marker, they were so sure it was due to the wind, that the camera actually cut to a shot of the flag blowing out BEFORE Reese even crossed the plate. But when Jeter homered, Kay and Singleton were laughing at how far and amazing it was, later calling it "explosive", and saying "What a blast!" referring to Sierra's homer. And the flag was not shown on the yankee homers. I'm not saying the yankee HRs weren't hard hit, but c'mon, our little guy hit one 400 feet, give him some credit.

When Arroyo gave up his first baserunner in the 3rd, (on a looping line single) Singleton said, "Well, the perfect game has been SHATTERED." Uggghhh.

With two outs in the bottom of the ninth, Kay says, "Final out, Brian Daubach." Not "The Red Sox are down to their last out." or "This COULD be the final out", just "Final out, Daubach." Daubach reached base.

And finally, in fourth inning, the game was all but forgotten as Jeter and A-Hole were jogging and stretching in the outfield. By my count, they cut to a shot of them TEN times, including right after a yankee getting injured, and right after a great play by a yankee infielder. I know this is the yankee network, but TEN times? Actually, maybe one good thing about A-Rod being on the yanks is that HN! or the yanks' other home network, FOX, will now cut to A-Rod instead of Jeter sometimes, for a reaction to a ground out, so we'll only have to see Jeter's ugly mug half as much. But then again, they'll probably be connected at the hip in the dugout, so I'm sure we'll end up seeing them both at the same time.
And in the next inning, they were signing autographs (this was shown five times), and Kay says snidely, "A lot of Red Sox fans don't mind getting yankee autographs." You could clearly see it was mostly yankee fans.

Anyway, I know this goes on all season, every season. I'm not new to this, I've been watching and faithfully rooting against the yankees for my entire life, but I'm just letting you know what I have to deal with around here. During the season, I'll try to limit my misinformation reports to the BKLs (Big Kay Lies), and other major lies by various New York media.

The good news is, spring training rules, because if the Sox win or the yanks lose, Woohoo! But if the Sox lose or the yanks win, Hey, it doesn't count anyway...

Good nite.

Oh, Happy Birthday, Dad!

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

My Photo
Location: Rhode Island, United States