Thursday, March 22, 2012

All Praise Yak-wey

Just got the yearly catalog from the Yawkey Way Store (formerly The Souvenir Store--the gigantic thing across Yawkey Way from Fenway which is now partnered with the Red Sox). I opened it, and right away saw this on the first page:
Yakwey! Gotta spell your own name right, especially in your web address. At that point, I thought, This is gonna be fun.... Remember, these are the same people who once had the Red Sox' championship years wrong on the front page of their site.

So I started leafing through:
This isn't the biggest deal--one paragraph rag right and the rest justified, with giant holes in paragraphs. Just looks terrible. I understand when you've got long urls it's better to keep them on one line rather than to hyphenate them. Still, I would have had those 'graphs sparkling clean like a mountain stream. Also, you can't say "EST" (Eastern Standard Time) referring to something that's year round. Because for more than half the year, there is no standard time. I think people have come to think "EST" is an abbreviation for "eastern." Gotta learn your EST vs. EDT, people. If you're confused, just go with "ET" (Eastern Time). That'll cover you all year.

Oh, backwards apostrophe, how you sink your teeth into my brain. The Orioles also do this. An apostrophe only faces one way, whether it's at the beginning, in the middle, or at the end of a word. If it's facing the other way, it's an open single quotation mark. People love to mess this up, especially on year abbreviations. (Also, those aren't really the covers--they obviously don't have this year's covers ready, so they took the old ones and slapped a big number twelve on them.)

I know, I know, not that big a deal to most people. (Although would you ever spell your own name wrong?) All I'm saying is: This catalog isn't going to make it to Coopersburg.



I mean Cooperstown! Town!

Also, about the "partnership": I was under the impression the team and Twins (who owns the store) had some kind of agreement. They call it the official team store, and Fenway tours start in the store. I saw an article which said they "made a deal" back when the team had wanted to build a new Fenway where the store is. But I also see a recent article saying it's an "independent shop." And then there was controversy about the Sox opening a new store inside Gate B--which they did. But it's that same "classy" kind of shop (Twins '47) that you see in the back of the Yawkey Way Store. So who knows. Anyway, they have a "relationship" with the team.
Jere, I know you are in full baseball mode already, and why the hell is awesome...but what do you think of Tebow going to your Jets?
Mom here.

I vote all of this as the most hilarious you've ever posted. I really loved Coopersburg. Please, please apply to the store for a proof-reading job. Just send the post to the CEO of the Yakwey Way Store and tell him/her that he/she needs you. Unless the CEO enjoys being a laughing stock amongst those who think carelessness isn't always appropriate. Meanwhile, keep posting their flubs--really, realy a riot.
Meanwhile, can you please cut off the DaYankeesWin doofus? Or, since you don't respond to him, personally, can you tell him your Mother is mortified that this religions fanatic is now playing for her Jets. I can hear the fireman now, "G-0-D, God, God, God!" Just as one of the Founding Fathers (I forget which) said that there can be no mention of God in the Constitution as mixing religion and government diminishes each, I think the same applies to religion and the NFL.
Mom here.

Oh, shit. I had two typos in my comments. Does that negate everything I wrote. Danm!
It's fine--it wasn't a catalog you put out once a year or anything.
doofus here. I come in peace, Anonymous Mom.

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