Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Faith Rewarded

Brooks Pharmacy--For all your Red Sox needs. This dude at work tipped me off to Brooks, telling me that would be selling the new NESN DVD, Faith Rewarded, for 15 bucks. Not only did they have that, but they're still carrying the original Sports Illustrated from when the Sox won, the commemorative issue, and a bunch of other little magazines about the Red Sox. I'm sure it's like this in every store in Boston, but down here in SW CT, this stuff can be hard to find. I missed getting that original SI, and here it is over a month later, and this one place is still carrying it. Nice job, Brooks.

So I watched the DVD, and it made me laugh and cry and have all those other fun human emotions. I'll give away the ending: The Red Sox win the World Series. It's so great to watch all the key moments again. I'll be watching this DVD a lot. It'll be like medicine. Sore throat? Red Sox win World Series...again. All better. Severed leg? World Champs. I'm walkin' again.

I love the special feature "Cooking with Ortiz." Sam Horn (in a SoSH T-shirt) goes to David's place, where Papi greets him wearing a yankee Hater hat and...a SoSH shirt. Then he cooks up a Dominican meal, and claims that if you don't have flavor, you're not allowed in his house.

There's also a piece where Cabrera shows us some of the handshakes he has with certain teammates. This stuff might have already been on NESN, (which I can't get, as my gift for living my whole life IN New England,) but it was new to me. There's also hella parade coverage.

And I now have the Pokey catch to watch whenever I want. This is the one that blows Jeter's catch away (from the same game), but was never shown agian, while Jeter's phony crowd dive was shown millions of times. I think because it, like, symbolized something. The heart of a loser, maybe. Something like that, I can't remember. All I know is if you watch Pokey's catch in slow-mo, you see how he had NO time to react to the wall he was about to flip over, while Jeter had a good three steps to think about what he was going to do.

Also, to clear something up, I said a few days ago that I held a sign that read, "Michael Kay has a god complex" at Game 3 of the ALCS. I remembered incorrectly. It was "Michael Kay is an ego-maniac." Sorry for the confusion.

Quiz #11

What's Pee Wee's dog's name in Pee Wee's Big Adventure?

Monday, December 06, 2004

Another Day In Headline Paradise

A Red Sox Fan In Pinstripe Territory has just learned from an ultra-secret source (myself, sitting at home, reading a press release from redsox.com) that the Sox have claimed right handed pitcher Tim Bausher off waivers.

I picture a wild scene in the bostondirtdogs.com war room, with people running around and chaotically clicking at typewriters. "Okay, people, we need a headline! The name is Bausher! Anybody have anything yet?" "What about Bausch & Lomb, boss?" "Good, good, what do they do?" "They make beer!" "No, that's Anheuser-Busch, Bausch & Lomb is contact lenses." "Okay, contacts. Let's see, Sox, uh, Make Contact With Bausher & Lomb...Lomb...Lomb-Mein Will Be Served. To Opposing Hitters!" "A little wordy, there, chief." "Okay, Bausher Is New Lomb-Man On Totem Pole" "What the hell does that mean??" "How the hell should I know?" "Okay, we need to think, people. Bausher...Bausher...Hey, wasn't the guy from Sha Na Na named Bausher?" "What the hell is Sha Na Na?" "It was a show from the 70's with this greaser guy named Bausher." "No, it was Bowzer." "What was Bowzer's catch phrase?" "I think it was 'Grease for Peace,' boss." "Okay, I've Got It. Sha Na Nation Greases Peace With Bausher." "Perfect, boss!" "...And Lomb!" "Uh, we're off that."

So we'll see what the real headline is tomorrow morning at 7:07, 8:08, or 9:09, I guess, if this merits a headline at all. I can't wait.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Sham Chowder

I just read about Pavano's meeting with the yanks. Turns out I was walking around midtown Saturday at the same time as Cashman and friends were treating Carl to dinner and a Broadway show in the area. So chances are, they saw the same amount of Red Sox hats as I did. I can just see Cashman leading Pavano around, and, every time he sees a red 'B,' just grabbing Carl by the arm, turning him away from it, and going, "If you'll look over here--no, no, not there, over HERE, you'll see the wonderful Met Life Building." Then a bunch of Cashman's henchmen grab the Sox fans and push them down a side street, before giving Cashman the signal that it's okay to start walking again.

Hey, that'd be a funny sitcom. A goofy doormat of a baseball GM tries to sell free agents on his city, while getting hassled on the street by fans of both his own team and the rival team (and his overbearing boss), leading countless ball players to leave him and his choking team in the dust. I picture Cashman pulling a Norman Fell (Mr. Roper on Three's Company)-- breaking the fourth wall once per episode, with an "Aw shucks, not ageeeain" look on his face, as another free agent walks away. And of course, "The Boss" would have to yell, "Cash-MAAAN!" at the end of each episode. Oh that Cashman, he cracks me up.

In Simpsons/Arrested Development news, Simpsons was good tonight--funny when the Fox News truck went by with a big Bush sign on it, blaring "We Are The Champions." (By the way, isn't it great to hear that song on the radio now?-- Because of the Sox, not the "president.")

Arrested Development had it all tonight: That song from the Charlie Bown Christmas Special (which airs Tuesday at 8 on a network that doesn't need any help with advertising), "The Final Countdown" by Europe, a kid throwing a dustbuster at a bus, and as always, David Cross. My friend Brian just lent me a bunch of Cross comedy cds, as well as the first few seasons of Cross's old HBO show, Mr. Show. I know I'm really late on this, but if you're not into David Cross yet, go out and buy everything he's done. He's funny on Arrested Development (he plays the bald guy who made the agreement with his wife to see other people), but I hope they start giving him more lines. Usually his lines involve a swear word, which gets bleeped out, making them even funnier.

Speaking of Cross's old show, I was psyched to see Maynard from Tool on Mr. Show a bunch of times. I was really into that band for many years in the nineties and slightly beyond. I remember hearing that Maynard was on "some HBO show" back then, but since I never got HBO, I just ignored it. Now almost ten years later, I'm sittin' there watching this show for the first time, going, Oh my god, Maynard's on TV! Anyway, I bring this up because: The other day I heard a cover of Pink Floyd's "Another Brick In The Wall," or whatever it's called, by crap-churners Korn. Even though I don't like Floyd, I thought, Bands are allowed to cover this song? Then a few days later, I heard the last few seconds of what sounded like a cover of John Lennon's "Imagine." I was all ready to come on here and say, "Covering 'Imagine'? You might as well remake Taxi Driver with Ashton Kutcher as Travis Bickle!" But then I heard that it was the band A Perfect Circle who covered it. A Perfect Circle is the "other band" of...Maynard from Tool. So I went to their website, and on there, you can watch the video for the song (directed by Jerry Casale of Devo, a band Maynard named his son after). It's a great video; nice piece of commentary on our messed up society. And you can hear how their version of the song is basically a different song entirely from Lennon's version (making it okay that they covered it. Notice how I play favorites.)

And to Sam about the dirtdogs situation: I guess you're right, popularity is the reason boston.com brings bostondirtdogs.com to the internet world. I have said before that the site has its good qualities, like links to everything Red Sox. But still, it's too bad that it's considered "the" Red Sox site, considering the things that are wrong with it, and that it tries to show the world what "real" Sox fans are thinking, when we might be thinking the opposite, or, gasp, when some Sox fans have a different opinion than other ones have. Also, I will say that he gets a lot more emails than I do, like the ones from me he never responded to, so it's easier for me to respond to everyone that writes to me. Finally, you said (about other Sox fans not responding to me when I'd try to talk to them in NYC) "Or some people are just shy. I'm guessing you're not?" Well, I mostly saw stares into space, like the person truly didn't hear me over the street noise. (This was going on not on some side street, but in the bustle of midtown.) Plus, had I actually made an attempt to stop them, and start talking about the Sox, I'm sure they would've been glad to talk to me. But I was giving them a one-shot holler while zippng past, and it didn't always work out. And funny you should mention shyness. Even though I have willed myself to be able to go on stage and play guitar and sing lately, as well as do a public access TV where I'd go right up to people on the street (sound familiar?), I actually am the shyest person you know. Ask people I've worked or gone to school with, and 90% percent of them will tell you they've never heard me speak. All this "non-shy" stuff I do also usually involves me having at least one friend with me. Without them, I probably couldn't even approach people, let alone sing in front of them. However, the whole "Red Sox winning the World Series" thing is changing me, because now when I encounter another Sox fan up here in the 'burbs in a less crowded setting, like, say, while buying WS memorabilia at the store, I can go right up to them and talk Red Sox, even if I am there by myself.

Also, no making fun of me for going to midtown. Chan & I decided to just be tourists for a change. We're allowed.

Red Sox Nation - Gotham

Chan & I went down to NYC tonight. So many Red Sox hats! Amazing. I'd say the number of yankee hats I saw tonight over a four hour period spent mostly walking around streets jammed with people was down about 80% from the pre-choke, pre-team-they-said-could-never-win-because-their-uniforms-say-"Boston"-(unlike-their-team-whose-uniforms-say-"S"-for-Superman)-just-won-the-World-Series-and-there's-nowhere-to-hide-even-in-their-own-city days. Conversely, the usual one or two Red Sox hats has turned to double digits. And I only counted one person that I considered to be a "new" (wink wink) Sox fan. It was a kid with baggy pants, and his backwards facing Sox hat had a 0% sweat content, unlike the 94% of mine. But everyone else seemed legit. They're just out of the closet now, as Chan said. And the eye contact I got from yankee fans, once again, was exactly none.

I tried giving people the "Yeah, Sox!" routine, but New York city is just so damned loud, I think a lot of people just didn't hear me. So I only got a few responses. Or maybe it was because people, especially tourists, aren't expecting strangers walking by to just yell in their face, and they kind of block out all voices that aren't those of the people they're with. You know, to avoid getting hassled by some guy with fliers for the strip club, or worse yet, assaulted. Then again, it could just be because there are so many Red Sox fans in the city (like there are everywhere) that it's no big deal for an NYC Sox fan to see another Sox hat. It also could very well be that a New Yorker, Sox fan or otherwise, just doesn't want to be bothered. I'll do some further research on this next week, since I'm going down there twice, once for another Brian Regan show, and again to see The Life Aquatic, which opens down there before it does up here.

And go to Bullshit Memorial Stadium, an awesome blog by a Sox fan in the heart of pinstripe territory, for a brilliant anti-yankee rant. Here's a teaser: "Show of hands- how many people would love to corner Michael Kay to ask him which was worse- the 'disgrace and disrespect' shown by Johnny Damon's hair (his words), or the use of illegal steroids by two Yankees?"

Uh, both hands way up over here. That also reminds me of something I never mentioned on here. On Halloween night, I was driving home after my band, Ruato, played our Halloween show. I was listening to the news, and they said that the annual Halloween parade was about an hour from starting up down in NYC, in Greenwich Village. If you don't know about it, it's made up of people who, on every other day, wear what a lot of people would consider a Halloween costume...dressed in what they would call a Halloween costume. In other words, it's a really cool place to be on Halloween. I thought, I'm an hour away from the city, I should go down there. But I decided against it. The next day, I was listening to my arch-rival, Michael Kay, and he said how he "accidentally" was down in the Village when the parade came by. After a giggling, homophobic exchange with his producers about why he was at this gay-positive event, he told us how one guy recognized him and said "You're Michael Kay," to which Kay responded, "No, this is my costume!" (Yeah, I'm sure you're that quick, Mike.) Anyway, the point is, had I gone to the parade, I actually could have seen Kay, which is my dream, because I've got lots to say to the man.

I also never mentioned how at Game 3 of the ALCS, I wrote "Micheal Kay Has A God Complex" on a piece of paper, and held it in front of me while standing right behind the dugout during BP. There were lots of camera people on the field, naturally, and I thought maybe one would think it was funny and get a shot of it. A bunch of cameras were pointing up into the seats, but I think they were more interested in little kids with big signs than some guy with five days' growth on his face on top of a pointy goatee holding a tiny handwritten (with a pen) sign. But it was worth a shot.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Race Ya

In response to the comment by Sam:

I didn't call dirt dog a racist. I definitely have said that I feel like he prefers the clean cut and lighter-skinned players on the team, the latter being a racist thing to do. There's obviously no clear-cut rule on what you have to do or say to officially be called a racist. If you say one racist thing over a life dedicated to helping people of another race, for example, are you a racist? Or a non-racist who happened to make a racist remark?

I'd never accuse dirt dog of being a slave owner, or of hanging people of other races in his backyard. Racism comes in a lot more subtle ways than that. I just see something about him that I see in a lot of people. It's a mentality of: "Okay, you don't look like me? Well, you can have a chance to be in my little club, but you'd better fly right or else hit the road, we don't need you anyway. And if someone who does look like me starts doing something bad, well, just come on, come back to the club, you're always welcome if you just do the right thing, we want you back."

Like Varitek, for example. He's got this horrible guy as his agent, who makes this ridiculous demand. Dirt dog doesn't put Tek in a yankee hat, or in a bed with Jeter, or sitting on top of a pile of money. He says, Hey Tek, Get rid of Boras, we want you to stay. And you can tell me that that's because Jason earned it or whatever, and not because he's a white dude. But Jason got us a championship, and Pedro got us a championship. Ask either one and I think they'd both say the same thing about the other: Without him, we wouldn't have won. But Pedro meets with other teams, and he goes right to the fountain with A-Rod. (Which by the way, unlike the guy that wrote in to dirt dog, I'm aware that that was dirt dog's way of saying that he feels that Pedro was going to the yanks, and I'd seen the pic before with Jeter's head instead of Pedro. I know he wasn't going for the "look how gay Pedro is" effect there. Although the whole idea of "you're so dumb, you must prefer to be with people who are the same sex as you" is really, really stupid, too.) And Schilling, as another example: I hear a whole lot about how he runs his mouth too much, and supposedly all his teammates traditionally have wanted him to "shut up and pitch." Dirt dog only mentions this in a light-hearted manner, if ever, like Schill was his buddy. I'm tellin' you, give Schilling Pedro's accent, skin color, and hair, and he'd be ripped to shreds on that site. The guy named his kid after a yankee. If Pedro did that, well, I don't even wanna think about what kind of pictures we'd see on there.

It was also hilarious how the other guy that wrote to dirt dog missed the lyric from "White Lines." (When I saw the lyric up there originally, I thought, "Dirt dog knows White Lines? I wonder if he thought it was an instructional record on how organize rallies for...well, nevermind. But look, there you go, he listens to rap music, or at least he bought Millennium Hip-Hop Party, so he couldn't be that racist. I guess.)

But back to that topic: I just see a certain thing about that site, where's it's just a little too often that I see a black guy with a mean face and a cruel headline over it. It's all a matter of opinion, though. I guess if you say something, and don't intend it to be racist, but someone else perceives it that way, then there's going to be a discrepancy. And I haven't made some official statement where I proclaim the man a racist or anything. The main things that get me mad about that site aren't about race, they are: When he groups all Sox fans together, when he tries to drive a player out of town or makes fun of one for his choice of haircut, and the now all-too-common untrue predictions, which are made as if they've already come true. (By the way, why does boston.com even have him on there? What's the point? They're supposed to be news, but all his stuff is opinion, which is never labelled as such, and incorrect info from unnamed sources. I'm thinkin' they'll drop him. And if they do, maybe his predictions will start coming true again.)

But back, once again, to the guy who missed the song lyric. I think that's one of the funniest things that can happen in society. When somebody quotes a song, and somebody else doesn't know that what they're hearing is from a song. If you can ever purposely pull that off, it's even funnier. Like if you stood up to say a toast at a wedding or something, and started saying, "And as we wind on down the road, our shadows taller than our souls, there walks a lady we all know, who shines white light and wants to show how everything still turns to gold. And Tracy, Bill, family and friends, remember, if you listen very hard, the tune will come to you at last. Finally folks, when all are one and one is all, yeah, to be a rock...and not to roll. Salud!" Eventually people would start laughing, but by the end, you could probably tell which people didn't know why they're laughing.

So I hope that cleared things up. Thanks for your comment.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Holiday Fun

First I watched the classic Frosty the Snowman, my favorite all-time holiday special, then I watched Victor Conte on 20/20.

So let me get this straight: Santa Claus comes to the greenhouse made for growing Christmas poinsettas, sees that Frosty has melted, gives a big song and dance about how when a December wind kisses the rain, Frosty will return. He then opens the door, the wind blows in, kisses the puddle that was once Frosty, and Frosty reappears.

Then Victor Conte tells me that THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS.

I don't know what to believe.

Speaking of Christmas, the Red Sox are doing "Christmas at Fenway" again next weekend. I'm kind of surprised they didn't call it Holidays at Fenway or something. Jewish fans must be pissed. Where's Chanukkah at Fenway? Or Kwanzaa at Fenway? And why does everybody make fun of Kwanzaa? Mention it and you'll get a similar reaction to when you bring up Beta tapes. Yeah, it's almost like there's a hierarchy of holidays, now. Christmas is DVD, Chanukkah is VHS, and Kwanzaa is Beta. I say it's time to upgrade everybody to DVD. I think everybody needs to see Kwanzaa with director commentary.

Answer To Quiz #10

The last Red Sox player to win the World Series MVP was Luis Tiant in 1975. But it wasn't the World Series MVP, it was the Babe Ruth Award, which was only won twice by a member of the losing team. The last Sox player to win the World Series MVP was...nobody, because that award wasn't given out until well after 1918.

Danny gets, uhh, half credit on this one.

A Fairy Tale (They Say)

The trophy's going to Vermont tomorrow. Since I work Monday to Friday, I figured maybe I could go up there and see the trophy again. Why not, right? It's going to be in a town called Essex Junction. I had to look that one up. Turns out it's near Burlington, which is near, well, Canada. I was hoping it would be in the extreme southwest corner of Vermont, which is the closest part of the state to where I am. But there probably aren't any towns there. So I don't think I'm gonna make that one. Especially since I'd have to watch Frosty the Snowman at 8, then watch the Balco thing on 20/20 at 10, then start the five hour drive north, find a motel, sleep for several hours, wake up, hit snooze, wake up, hit snooze, wake up, hit snooze, wake up, hit snooze, wake up, continue driving north, and get there by eleven AM. Not happening. And what's more, I checked the forecast for this Petticoat Junction or whatever it's called, and there were some small snowflakes tonight, followed by larger, more menacing flakes for tomorrow. My old band, The Pac-Men, played up in Plattsburgh, New York, which is across the border from Burlington, a few Decembers ago. It was unlivably cold. Is that a word? Anyway, another reason for me to go would have been so I could go to Vermont FOR THE FIRST TIME. I've been to almost every state in the US, but that one not 200 miles from where I've lived my whole life continues to elude me. Some day. Or did I go once? I don't remember. Okay, three minutes til Frosty. I live for this.

Steroid Fever. Catch It!

I've never understood why anyone would want to take drugs. But what boggles my mind is how you can be a forty-year old man who still cheats at games. Especially when you play in front of millions. Terrible job, Barry, and all the other cheaters.

Thursday, December 02, 2004


Jason Giambi told a grand jury in December '03 that he took steroids for three years. Got 'em from Greg Anderson. He injected testosterone into his ass.

HR's off Pedro in Game 7 of ALCS '03 now officialy tainted. Red Sox AL Champs '03.

yankees have to eat 80 million.

A great day for yankee haters everywhere.

World Champion Boston Red Sox (Default Post Title)

This yankee fan lady returned to work today, after having been in the hospital since before the playoffs. So wearing a Red Sox shirt EVERY day paid off, because it guaranteed me having one on the day she came back.

She came right up to me and stared at the shirt (today's was "AL Champs," perfect), taking her medicine, so to speak. Good job by her. She didn't start with the "2090" crap. You know they're actually selling T-shirts that say "1918, 2004, 2090." What yankee fan is really gonna buy that? "Yeah, I don't THINK the Sox will win again for 86 more years! So there!" Come on, people. Actually, I really, really hope I get to see yankee fans wearing that shirt. I'll have a nice laugh (in their faces) over it.

You know, every fourth or fifth day, I'll start to feel a little embarrased about wearing Red Sox shirts every day, like thinking that everyone's making fun of me. But within a second, that feeling goes away and is replaced by giddiness and pride. I just walk right by those fuckers with my head held high. All those pieces of crap, taunting me for all these years, because of what team I like. People who never had a clue. People who heard from their friends that it's cool to make fun of Red Sox fans. People who called themselves yankee fans, despite literally not knowing any of the players' names. People who thought that because they said the word "choke" to me, than that must make them a better person than I am. You know what? That's all they had. 1918 is all they had. Now, they're still redneck trailer trash with borderline mullets, and I'm still a smart, funny dude, AND my team is number one, while their team is a bunch of chokers. Choke. Oh, how that word has gone from being so painful to hear, to being the sweetest word in the English language. "Sweeter than any candy you've ever tasted."--Mike Timlin

Mad Dog was great today, showing the Red Sox SI issue on the air on the Steinbrenner-owned 'Hell, No' network. And just generally rubbing in the Red Sox beating the yanks after being down 3 games to none, and going on to win the World Series, to Mike. Mike is so pissed, talking about how all these Sox fans keep calling him up, and he just can't say anything.

The day after I wrote about dirtdog only liking the American Red Sox players, some other folks wrote to him saying a similar thing, and he posted those emails, followed by emails from fans defending dirtdog. I think this is all made up, to make it look like one person says dirtdog's a racist, but he's a dumb yankee fan, so he must be wrong, while everyone who defends dirtdog is a smart Sox fan, so they must be right. Either way, all I'm gonna say about this is: There's racism everywhere, lots of it. Boston has a lot of racists. New York has a lot of racists. I'm proud of my team for who they are, and I'm proud to be in the company (fan-wise) of so many great, passionate people who support the Red Sox. But I'm sickened by every racist, no matter what team they root for. I could easily point out all the good, non-racist things about the Red Sox and their fans, while pointing out all the bad, racist things about the yanks and their fans. But I know there's good and bad on both sides. I'll do that stuff when it comes to baseball-related issues (like ripping on Quantrill all year long and rarely even mentioning Ramiro Mendoza), but when it comes to real-life stuff, it's a whole different ballgame. Or, not a ballgame at all, as my point was supposed to be.

Finally, one more note about the Nirvana box set: Pat informed me that the box itself is heat sensitive. So you can put your hand on it for a few seconds, and it'll leave a white handprint on the box. So have fun. If you don't own it, go to the store and try it out. Although who knows if it works through shrink wrap. Either way, keep your pants on, everybody. Especially at the Wal-Mart.

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