Monday, December 06, 2004

Another Day In Headline Paradise

A Red Sox Fan In Pinstripe Territory has just learned from an ultra-secret source (myself, sitting at home, reading a press release from that the Sox have claimed right handed pitcher Tim Bausher off waivers.

I picture a wild scene in the war room, with people running around and chaotically clicking at typewriters. "Okay, people, we need a headline! The name is Bausher! Anybody have anything yet?" "What about Bausch & Lomb, boss?" "Good, good, what do they do?" "They make beer!" "No, that's Anheuser-Busch, Bausch & Lomb is contact lenses." "Okay, contacts. Let's see, Sox, uh, Make Contact With Bausher & Lomb...Lomb...Lomb-Mein Will Be Served. To Opposing Hitters!" "A little wordy, there, chief." "Okay, Bausher Is New Lomb-Man On Totem Pole" "What the hell does that mean??" "How the hell should I know?" "Okay, we need to think, people. Bausher...Bausher...Hey, wasn't the guy from Sha Na Na named Bausher?" "What the hell is Sha Na Na?" "It was a show from the 70's with this greaser guy named Bausher." "No, it was Bowzer." "What was Bowzer's catch phrase?" "I think it was 'Grease for Peace,' boss." "Okay, I've Got It. Sha Na Nation Greases Peace With Bausher." "Perfect, boss!" "...And Lomb!" "Uh, we're off that."

So we'll see what the real headline is tomorrow morning at 7:07, 8:08, or 9:09, I guess, if this merits a headline at all. I can't wait.

I'm not sure this is newsworthy. Only thing the guy's got going for him, as far as I can see, is his K rates. Take a look:

Really an odd pickup. What's Theo know that I don't?

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Location: Rhode Island, United States