Saturday, February 12, 2005

Duck Tray/Quizzes

On the "Which Red Sox are you?" quiz (find link on any other blog), I was Johhny Damon, which I'm very proud of, since I, too, played baseball with a beard and long hair back in the day. I sent it to my parents, and my mom was psyched that she got Kevin Millar, and my dad got Schilling, even though he's on the opposite end of the political spectrum from Curt, as am I, and mom, of course. Schill always has reminded me of my dad's brother, so I guess it kind of makes sense--Schill is the dad type.

On, there's a picture of the truck getting loaded up for Florida. Look closely at the truck. It says "World Class Moving" on the side, but the door is open, covering up part of those words, so it says "ass Moving."

There are more pics of this spectacular, not-boring-at-all event on SoSH. I was surprised to see that among the packed up boxes are a few of those rock 'n' roll crate things, the kind with the metal edges. Maybe Arroyo's amps are in there.

Blogger has improved the "comments" feature on these blogspot blogs, so if you were afraid to comment before, try again with the new system. The comments also now supposedly appear in a popup window.

Kwiz Klue: The current quiz is, "What was the weird coincidence in the Giamatti article in Sports Illustrated from after he died?" The clue is, the logo used in the article was a home plate shape with a baseball inside, with the word "Giamatti" above it. And it created a weird thing, which I think was discovered by a reader, and their dicovery was printed in a later issue. Someone must remember this. It has to do with the ball and the letters in Giamatti's name.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

This Is What I'm Talking About

When I read that A-Rod article from last week, it made me get down on my knees and thank my personal lord and savior, Rich Gedman, that the Red Sox never got the slap-meister.

A-Rod's words also showed me that he is a true yankee: someone who'll gladly break the rules in an attempt to win.

If you're like me, and you've watched a huge amount of yankee games in your life, you know of the unfair advantage they get from the umpires, especially in yankee Stadium. Now you may be saying, "Then why were they so bad in the eighties?" Well, they won more games than any team in the league in the eighties. When a yankee fan tries to tell you, "We've gone through tough times, too...," that's like [insert rich guy here, the default is Bill Gates] telling you he's lost his wallet a few times. Yes, the yanks have had some bad years, and I will cherish those times always, but their success seems to snowball, because when they win once, the fans start to show up, making the Stadium louder, giving the umps all the more reason to make calls in their favor.

You put a rookie ump in yankee Stadium, he's gonna hear that crowd go nuts when he makes a pro-yankee call, and those cheers are going to make him want to do it again. That Stadium is LOUD, mainly because of the way it's built. People say they can feel the stadium shake sometimes it's so loud. (But put that place in Boston, we'd make it fall down. My point is, it's not the girl, Peter, it's the building.) But nonetheless, their stadium is loud, and the umps hear that. On the other hand, there's a higher percentage of morons at yankee Stadium than anywhere, and the last thing the umps want is to get physically hurt, so it's hard for them to make a call for the visitors.

Knowing all of this, I've often wondered how much the players actually try to use this advantage. Well, actually, I've seen it, but I never thought I'd hear anyone admit it.

But here comes A-Rod. Just read what he said about the slap: "I thought it was a smart play, and we almost got away with it. We put an umpire in the position of having to turn over a call like that in Yankee Stadium. It gave us a shot."

This guy needs one of his own slaps right in his goat-like face for, like, each individual word in that sentence. "" First of all, he says "we almost got away with it"! In other words, "I cheated. Too bad it didn't work. I really would have liked it if my cheating had taken us to the World Series." And then we come to the whole umpire thing I was talking about before. This is what I've been waiting for. He admits that the yankees' team goal is to do whatever it takes, break the rules, whatever, to get the outcome their looking for. Then, the umps will be put in a position where they'll have to risk life and limb to change the call in favor of the visitors. If you think I'm exaggerating, recall the national fucking guard on the field right after the umps overturned, correctly, those two calls in Game 6. (The plays have to be that obvious for the umps to actually turn over a call in that place.) So classic, yankee fans throwing crap on the field when the correct call is made, while the only time you ever saw a garbage barrage at Fenway was when the fans could actually see Steinbrenner's money falling out of the umps' pockets in the '99 ALCS, when Chuck Knon-chalablauch was missing a tag by three feet.

Then A-Rod called the slap "a smart play, one I would've made again." So it was smart to break the rules, and correctly be penalized for it, possibly costing your team a World Series berth? This is like when Dignan in Bottle Rocket says "Crime does pay." What is this dude thinking? Does he still not realize you're just not allowed to take a slap at the ball in a fielder's glove?

"In the heat of the moment, you do things sometimes out of instinct," dickboy says. Great. You know, I can relate to all of this, Alex. I was playing soccer the other day, and instinctively, I picked up the ball with my hand and threw it in the goal. I knew since that since my dad was the ref, it would be hard for him to disallow the goal. Turns out he did. But I feel I was very smart to do that, and in tomorrow's soccer game, I'll be trying this maneuver again.

(Also, he says the play was both smart and instinctive, which is impossible. If you use instincts, this implies that you're not thinking through the situation, using your intelligence, first.)

There's also the question of the bowling over of the fielder. All-star commenter Sam was asking if Bronson was even in the baseline to be bowled over. He wasn't, just the glove, which needed to be there in order to make a tag. Hey Alex, how about trying to avoid the tag? Apparently that wouldn't be smart or instinctive.

So, terrible job, A-Rod. I'm glad Jeter has shown you the ropes of cheating to win. You're almost at his level. Speaking of "Cheets," my favorite part of the slap play was the Jeter fist-pump that was stricken from the record.

And speaking of cheaters in general, Giambi apologized today. For what, he could not say. But whatever it is, Jason, I don't accept.

God, I can't wait to see these guys out on the field at Fenway while we raise that flag.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Sideways/Quiz # Eleventeen

I finally saw Sideways tonight. That's one messed up movie. I just don't know what to think. But go see it. It's weird how a movie with so much I can't relate to can hold my interest. (Drunkenness, Wine, middle-age, wine tasting, California, connoisseurs of wine, cheating on your fiance.) I'm sorry, I just used that "device" where you make a list, and every other item is the same, like on the Monkees theme, where every other guy was Mickey. That's never funny. But I gave it a shot. So yeah, the movie worked because you can just kind of look in from the outside, and it does show how silly all these things are. At least to me it did. Of course, I can relate to the whole down-and-out thing, and awkwardness, and still being said about a love lost years after the fact, as can everyone. I don't know, I think I need to see it again. Paul Giamatti is great. So is the Ned & Stacey/Wings guy. I learned from imdb that Paul's brother was on the soap opera "One Life To Live" when he was a liitle kid. I wonder if that's why the Wings guy's character in Sideways starred on "One Life To Live." I'm probably the only person to wonder that.

I learned from Bullshit Memorial (his review of this movie was months ago, and I purposely waited til now to read it) that Paul is the son of the late former baseball commish and Red Sox fan A. Bartlett Giamatti. You know, the guy who wrote that poem, the one that makes you cry. How did I not know that that dude was his son? Anyway, that brings me to the next quiz. What was the weird, (possibly) coincidental thing in the Sports Illustrated issue after Giamatti died? Clue: It had to do with the logo used throughout the article about his death.

In other movie news, how come in the remake of The Longest Yard, Sandler, as the Burt Reynolds character Crewe, is wearing number 18 instead of the correct number 22? Next thing you know, the final play of the game will be a screen pass, and Crewe will get shot to end the movie. I'm down with Sandler, but come on. It's number 22, man. That's like remaking The Natural and giving Roy Hobbs number 56. Or giving Ahmad any number besides Aaron's 44 in the upcoming Bad News Bears remake. Or having Lou Gehrig bat right-handed in Pride of the Yankees. Oh wait, that really did happen. Terrible job, Gary Cooper.

I also can't believe they're remaking The Warriors.

Tomorrow, if all goes according to plan, look for a scathing review of Alex Rodriguez as a human being.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Roamin' Numerals

When I was in middle school, I used to sit at my desk figuring out all the Super Bowls that would spell words, like Super Bowl MIX, and, uh, well maybe it was just MIX. But there were, at least, some that you could pronounce, like CLIX and LIX. I wonder if Liv Tyler will sing the anthem at Super Bowl LIV in 2020. Or if that band CIV will play at halftime of Super Bowl CIV, live via satellite from the old folks' home. Or if the distant offspring of the punk band Millions of Dead Cops will have some sort of party in honor of Super Bowl MDC in 3566. You know, my old band was gonna play with them in Newtown, CT once, but they canceled. Wow. You know you've got no life when you're reminiscing about bands that nobody's heard of that you almost played with.

And that wraps up all football talk here at ARSFIPT. It's now officially baseball season.

"Now" meaning soon. In the meantime:

I was trying to figure out when Sleater-Kinney's gonna be playing around here (March 2-3 in NYC) and I came across the webpage of one of the band members,
Carrie Brownstein. I've enjoyed her music and activism for years. (If you can enjoy someone's activism. I know you can enjoy someone's Activision, like, if you borrowed Pitfall or Freeway from a friend.) But I admire her even more now, after reading her takes on Scrabble, Curb Your Enthusiam, Freaks and Geeks, and being anti-Friendster ("or anything remotely like it.") Amen!

Carrie on Yahtzee: "I think I like the sound that the die make when you shake the cup more than any other aspect of this game. If you really want to annoy someone, try shaking them for a few minutes before you actually roll."

A lesbian after my own heart...

Serious Football Analysis

I won't bore you with the full-length story of how I was so close to winning in the office Super Bowl pool, as surely you were, too. But I will say that if McNabb gets sacked in the end zone on any of those final three plays, I'm 200 bucks richer. But I'm not. Oh well, don't it just always come down to that desperate "Come on safety!" routine. And when the Pats kicked that field goal... had it been a TD, and it should have been, what with it being 1st and goal from the three, I would've been in position to win $500. And instead of cursing at the screen, begging the stupid Eagles to hurry up and do something on the following drive and stop acting like they only needed one score to win when they actually needed two, I'd have been laughing at them as they pitifully let the clock tick away. George Costanza was right, he probably could have been an NFL coach. And so could I.

Oh, but I had other bets. Christian Fauria needed to score the first TD of the game. No dice. I also took a chance on picking the Eagles exact score. 22 points paid 20 to 1 (I'm talking $5 nets here), so I went for it. They ended up with 21. But if you watched the game, you know they really had no shot at 22.

And then it came down to one last chance at some money. I bet that the MVP would be "2 or more players," as it also paid 20 to 1. I figured it might be the type of game where they give it to an entire defense or something. When they didn't announce an MVP right away, I had some hope. I thought that even if a receiver has a great game, the QB's stats would be still be better than that receiver's: At least as many yards and TDs. So it was perfect, Branch did great, but Brady has to get credit, too. And Bruschi played well, so I had this theory: Brady, Branch, Bruschi, Tri-MVPs in honor of the so-called "Boston Three-Party" (oh god). Also, the three BR-'s, in honor of Babe Ruth's number Three and initials on his birthday for the New England team winning. Well, we've already determined that the old Babe has nothing to do with this, and it turned out Branch got the MVP all by himself. But had I known they were giving away a CAR to the winner, I wouldn't have made that stupid co-MVP bet, because they'd have had to get two (or three) cars! That's BS, I want my money back. Well, five dollars of it.

According to that Nada Surf song, making football bets makes me popular. But the popular dudes at my high school all just smoked weed and drank brews while dating and forcing themselves on the popular girls, while I stayed home and watched Headbanger's Ball. So, yeah.

Watched American Dad, the new show by the creators of Family Guy, after the game. Pretty funny. It's got the makings of a good show, very similar to Family Guy. But now I can't call Arrested Development "AD" any more, since American Dad is also an AD. Don't worry folks, you need not lose sleep over this. I'll figure something out and post it here the second I do.

Super Bowl Commercials were pretty crappy this year. No, really crappy.

Tomorrow I'm sure I'm going to hear Mike Francesa say, "February is the toughest month for a spawts fan, dawg." Says it every year. Terrible job, Mike.

Did I just mention Nada Surf back there?

All right, that's it for me. Super Sunday, it's "unbelievable," as Billy Crystal said in an SNL skit from like '82. Congrats to the other World Champion team from New England whose name ends with "iots." (Even though I can't even pretend to be a fan of them and I was just rooting for myself to win money. But it was nice to see Philly fans disappointed, since they're mostly A-holes. If they weren't, I'd have probably rooted for the underdog, but they are, so I didn't. The only cool things from Philly are Atom & His Package and the Dead Milkmen, and probably other stuff that I'm forgetting, but it's late.)

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Soup. Err...Bowl Sundae?

"The truth is that it was with such shock and delight that I discovered that there were people in the world who would willingly listen to the noise I was making, that it overshadowed the fact that I was terrified."

--Joanna Newsom

She's talking about playing music in front of people, but feel free to let this quote inspire you in whatever it is you're trying to do in your life.

(Sorry if this is a little too Ed Cosette for anybody. Whenever I say anything serious, I think of the comedian Bill Hicks, who, when starting to lose his audience with a "serious" rant, would suddenly stop and say "There are dick jokes on the way...")

And if you don't know who Joanna Newsom, Ed Cosette, and Bill Hicks are, well, you must not know much about the Red Sox, so what are you doing reading Red Sox blogs?

The title I've chosen for this post is dumb. But, seeing the word "sundae" always reminds me of the old Woody Woodpecker theme on Channel 5, which included a scene where Buzz Buzzard put Woody in one of those big glasses, the kind you'd get a sundae in back in the fifties, and put ice cream on top of him, and syrup and whipped cream and a cherry, and then tried to suck the whole thing including Woody out through a straw. I guess it would've been an ice cream float, because he sprayed some seltzer in there. Either way, I always wanted eat that sundae right off the screen, because it was so colorful and delicious-looking. The word Sunday, on the other hand, makes me think of doughnuts. So I got that goin' for me.

Today is my mom's birthday (one she shares with two people who died in some fashion this past year, Babe Ruth and Ronald Reagan). Happy Birthday, Mom! Thanks for the life.

I thought Ruth's B-day being on Super Sunday would be a bigger deal, with the curses and New England and the Eagles who have never won and whatnot. You'd think somebody would have connected all these things.

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