Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Read All, Win Prize

Nice win tonight. We handled the slumping Jays as we should have. Beckett's now 7-0. I think Dice-K is helping us in an interesting way. I definitely thought Beckett would do better than he did last year, not only because he pretty much had to, but because of the fact that with Dice and Schilling, he'd have to hold up his end to keep from becoming a number 3, when he could be an ace. And he has improved significantly. However, it seems like every other starter is stepping it up, too, and I think it could be for the same reason--to keep up with Dice. All four of our other starters are outpitching Dice-K, which is great for the team. This is one of the many mystical powers Dice brings to Boston. And once he gets on track, we could be mostly anti-stoppable. We'll see if Lester steps it up as well. I think he will. Like Papelbon, the kid's got gonads. (Note: Ovaries and testes are both gonads.)

Yanks bounced back from last night, when Mo gave up the game-winning homer. I didn't get to write about that game until now. Here goes. I missed that game. The Sox had the night off, and my girlfriend and I watched one of the greatest pieces of art of our time, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. After she fell asleep, I watched it again, with the music-only track complete with Danny Elfman's commentary. At that point, I just went to bed, deciding to get the Yanks' score in the morning. Very pre-internet-era, I know. This morning, I opted to find out how they did by checking the standings. I saw we were up 6 games, and a great weight was off my shoulders--I knew they'd lost their post "Traitor-returns announcement" game. So I went to their site for the details. I clicked on this article. Do me a favor. Read that piece of shit, pretending you knew no details from the game at all, like I did. What the hell is that? MLB allows that? Were you as confused as I was about that first paragraph, about the dirt and grass? They should've forced that writer to mention the 50,000 bad calls that have helped the Dunbars win 26 World Series. (Or the balls popping out of opposing outfielders' gloves, as in the game before and after that one.) I went over to the Mariners' site for what really happened: "Shitty Rivera Blows Game. Again."

Which is worse, Abreu being dropped to seventh in the Yanks' order, or "No Dice" Kei Igawa being demoted to single-A? Definitely the latter (Yankee fans: that means "the second one"), but after seeing that shit-eating grin on Abreu's face for the last few months of the '06 season, I love that he's shitting the bed.

More notes from tonight: On A-Rod's homer, the Yes cameras determined, for a record one millionth time, that the audience needed to know, while A-Rod rounded the bases, that Derek Jeter was clapping from the dugout. These are the things that don't show up in the boxscore, and why Jeter is the classiest player of all time, and a first ballot Hall-of-Famer. I don't know how he does it. I really don't. In Little League, when my teammates would succeed, I'd try to celebrate, but 90 percent of the time, my hands would miss each other, often resulting in injury. It's a skill you just can't teach.

When Lugo slid into second in the first inning tonight, Remy claimed that it looked like Julio's spike "got caught up," and he then lunged for the bag. Uh, Jerry? That's called the Patented Marty Barrett "Stop Short and Lunge" Avoidance Technique. You should know this.

Side note: I started talking to my girlfriend about It's Showtime at the Apollo the other day like it was Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Meaning, like a show I figured "everyone" is familiar with. She thought I was crazy. Are all you people who didn't grow up in the New York area not familiar with this show? After SNL? Anybody? I just figured we all were watching that one. Then again, I only recently found out Magic Garden wasn't a national show.

Now back to baseball: I saw a short clip of Scumbucket Clemens doing Letterman's Top Ten last night. The category was "what I learned from baseball." The one I saw Roger read was something like "It doesn't matter whether you win or lose...or at least it didn't when I played in Boston." Maybe if Roger hadn't slinked out of Game 6 with a fake injury, we wouldn't be talking about this... I tried to tell you all he was the worst kind of person. You should've seen the look on his fat face when he read this line. It was almost as disgusting as Suzyn Waldman's existence. What an ass. Now I know I'm commenting on something written by a comedy writer, but Roger was comfortable enough with the line to read it as if it were his own. So, terrible job by him. Such a pre-2004 joke. It's amazing how many Yankee people have actually made the conscious decision to erase 2004 from their memories. Embrace reality, Yankees, it'll help you get through things like the 2007 season. Want another example of Yankee fan "forgetfulness"? I got a comment today on an older post. Here's an excerpt (Yankee fans: that means "portion of"):

the sox are and always will be the number two team in the AL East.

Then he went into some homophobic stuff. You know, I felt so sorry for myself after I read that. He really hit me where it hurts. Someday, someday I tell you, the Red Sox will overcome and finally break this dreaded cur--oh, wait! I forgot about that time, very recently, when the Boston Red Sox were down three games to none to the classy, non-choking New York Yankees, and came all the way back, unlike any team in the history of the game had, and then went on to win the World Series! And I'm supposed to be upset about "number two in the east"? (I love how he claims the current number one team in the AL East is the number two team in the AL East.) I'll take number two in the east with a World Series ring over number one in the east and yet another choke.

I never got to sit down and really write out anything about my weekend with KellyO in New York, but one thing sticks out after reading your post. In the subway after the game, a group of Yankees fans are next to us and one of them is yelling things like "All Red Sox fans should leave" and then he looks around and starts yelling "1918!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". His friend looks at him like he was dropped on his head and says "Dude, what did you just say?" so I quietly say, "Even with the win, you guys are still in last place" and the guys says "Damn! You're right!", and slinks away.

Good times.
Magic Garden wasn't a national show? I guess that would explain the looks I get whenever I make "there are no locks on story box" jokes since I have lived in New England.
This is a little late, but Suzy's emotional rant was puke-worthy! Hey Roger, you'll be pitching against AL hitters. Do not pass not collect $18 million bucks. Go directly to jail. Free parking? Forget about it!!
Seriously, Showtime at the Apollo is not national? I've never even watched it but I certainly know about it.

my sis says all of her good yankee-fan buddies are complaining about paying that old guy so much money. these same people are usually commenting about how proud they are that their team is willing and able to shell out the big bucks for top talent. Sounds like a bit of pre-emptive denial (aka dread). She was actually AT that game (and also my niece, her very first time) and said the way they went about the announcement by stopping everyone from singing was frightening... she thought they were going to announce that the president had died or something equally devastating on a national scale.

wonder if Roger's too busy with the talk-show circuit to notice how badly his bullpen is throwing.
I honest-to-God think you need therapy. Seriously. You're batshit.
From mom:

"Great, great post, Jere.
I know the subject has been covered, but I've been away:
I was listening to CBS and experienced huge horror when they re-played Waldman's reaction to lard-ass speaking from his owner's booth basically singing, "Here I am to save the day..." I was subjected to her minute-long orgasm which left her choking and wheezing and gasping for breath. Thank all the gods that be if she wasn't on-camera at the time. Poor Sterling was speechless. (This is the first time I've referred to him as "poor." I mean, he had to sit next to this ghastly display.) I quick turned off the radio, sped home and immediately took a nap."

Nice. And yes, that's really from my mom, who's having trouble commenting. I didn't just invent a "mom" character to make me feel better about myself: "Great job, Jere, you always were my favorite kid! Love, Mom"
From wikipedia, aka some random shlub so let's hope it's accurate:

The Magic Garden was a 30-minute children's show which aired Mondays through Thursdays on New York City's WPIX Channel 11 from September 1972 to March 1984. It was also syndicated nationally for part of its run.

So, some people around the country saw it. Who knows for how long exactly...

The two ladies from the show were interviewed on the FAN by Sid Rosenburg once. Awkward...
Beazer: I saw a guy with a 1918 HAT at, of all places, Shea Stadium last year or the year before. I kept saying "what does that mean??" I don't even think he realized I was talking to him... But I haven't seen too many 2080 stuff. It was almost like a "2005 only" fad for them to make them feel better about themselves. And now they've realized that, yes, the Red Sox, and every other team, will win at least one championship between now and then.

They took the "It's" off the name, apparently. Also is supposedly syndicated...

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