I generally don't like war movies. And not just because I threw up when Platoon was shown on CBS in, like, 1989--not because of anything in the movie, I just ate some bad McDonald's, and proceded to barf into the McDonald's bag. My sister also was in some high school play that night, I remember. But, again, the hurling was from the food, not the acting.

Last night, Saving Private Ryan was on HBO. Nothing else was on, and I was doing something else anyway, so I left it on in the background. Perfect, since I really don't need to see a bunch of people getting blown up and shot, but I figure maybe there was a good story to it, or something. I don't know.

Every time I looked up at the screen, I saw a different actor that I've never before pictured in fatigues. I had no idea. I paid no attention when it came out. This movie should be called Saving Sam Malone.

"Sargeant Cory from My Two Dads, cover the left flank. Colonel Roger Maris, you take the right. Privates Sam Malone, Slick from Heat, and Joe Fontana, you stay with me. Where are Colonel Will Hunting and the alcoholic Uncle Ned from Family Ties?? We need to move, now!, Leiutenant Miles and Mike Newhouse, put that booze away before Uncle Ned sees it!"

I don't know, it just didn't "work" for me.