GQ'06 is well underway. That's GedmanQuest2006: My attempt to score every baseball card Rich Gedman ever appeared on in a Red Sox uniform.

I've bought (or already had) the majority of the "normal" Gedman cards. I have all the regular Topps ('82-'90), all the Donruss ('82-'90) except for '88 and '89 (but the '82 is autographed), and all the Fleer ('82-'90) except for '88.

I also have all the Score ('88-'90), along with an '84 Nestle, an '85 O-Pee-Chee (with info on Rich in French on the back!), an '88 Topps BIG baseball card (remember that idea? It's the same thing, only, like, 10 per cent bigger) with autograph, the '86 Fleer card featuring Rich with fellow All-Star catcher Carlton Fisk, an '86 Donruss Action All-Star, an '89 Bowman, and an '89 Bowman Tiffany. The Tiffany sets were the same as the regular Topps/Bowman sets, only they were printed on glossy cardboard. Come on.

Besides those, there are a bunch of other oddball sets Rich appeared in, as well as the '89 Upper Deck set, that I probably have in a box somewhere.

So the initial frenzy of Jeek is over, actually, now that eBay has been completely scoured. I guess my move is to wait a month and then check again, since checking in every day would be pointless. It's just all the same shit right now.

Oh, and I also bought a 1986 uncut sheet of O-Pee-Chee, featuring the Gedman card along with 7 others. Those always intrigued me. I'd probably take an uncut sheet of anything if you wanted to give it to me.

And when I say "cards Gedman appeared on," I obviously didn't mean, like, in the background of another guy's picture. But now that I think about it... Well, a near-impossible task for another lifetime, maybe.

EBay is addictive like this. You decide you want something, you go on eBay, and you realize that not only can you get that specific thing, but you can also get every single thing that looks, smells, sounds, feels, or tastes like that thing, and anything else remotely related to it. Plus the Canadian versions of all of those. Then you snatch it all up, and you find yourself with a whole lot of junk, and then there's nothing left to buy, and you move on. It's happened to me one other time: When I was in The Pac-Men, I realized just how much Pac-related junk was made that I didn't have. I had the board games, the toys, and a lot of other stuff, but I hadn't known about TV trays, placemats, and plush Pac-dolls, several of which I bought on eBay, and would put on our amps during shows. Like with GedmanQuest, I got everything I needed very quickly, as it was all there waiting for me, but then the mania wore off.

(While writing that last paragraph, UPS came to the door. I thought it would be some Gedman cards, but it was a Christmas present I got for someone. I should have just said it was a Gedman card to make the story better. Oh well. However, the UPS person was cheery and nice for a change. She even said "sorry to be a bother," to which I quickly replied, "Hey, I ordered it," before realizing that was about the lamest thing you could possibly say. So I said "I bet you've heard that one before." "Exactly," she said, before wishing me a happy holiday season.)

[Update, 12/20/05: Chan just got the same UPS lady. He was so happy about how nice she was. He didn't know I'd put her on my blog. He couldn't believe I knew who he was talking about. Great job, that UPS lady. Also, two more Gedmans arrived today. I have nine different Gedmans from '86 alone now.]

This morning I got a comment about my "J's" post. It looked like this [bracketed text filled in by me]:

"Cmon, Homer Jay Simpson has to be won that list.

btw, Hey guys,

I dont know if you’ve seen it yet but i just got my copy of that [name deleted] dvd. It’s pretty sick. There’s footage of [stuff deleted] over the last century and even more. my buddy works for the company and gave me this code to knock 20 percent off the price. just go to www.[website deleted].com and type [code deleted] in the shopping cart. Figure everyone could use something for the stockings during the holidays!"


Wow, for a second there, I thought you were trying to advertise on my site for free.

Then I saw the "Hey guys," and I realized you were just another reader--"one of us," if you will--who just happens to really enjoy this DVD a lot so he goes around to websites and pastes his opinion into the comments sections. (BSM got the identical comment today, too, I noticed, only slightly catered to what he was talking about.)

Tell your "buddy" that if he wants to advertise on my site, he should ask me nicely. When I decline that offer, he should ask if I'll take cash compensation--to which I'll also say "no."

Disco Stu doesn't advertise.

Any further ads put onto my site will be deleted, as yours was.

This is a great example of everything that's wrong with a capatalist society. People doing everything they can to make money, including using other people's space to advertise against their will, and worse, I think, pretending to be someone they're not to lure people into giving them money.

So the team known as the Jays is trying to stay true to its name. They got B.J. Ryan, and now they've got A.J. Burnett. You know, I hear C.J. Ramone is out of work. In fact, lets take a look at the new J's starting lineup:
















What do I say to this?

TJ.

Chan and I went down to Makor last night to see Nellie McKay. You may remember her from last year's New Year's Eve neverending rant. She was really good live. Funny ("you think because you're older you shouldn't steal anymore, but you should"), left-wing (talked about animal cruelty and whatnot, anti-Bush stuff, etc. Plus, the place served vegetarian food, which is key for me. Maybe that's why she chose to play there), and human (occasionally forgot words and had to stop the song, but was totally cool about it and made fun of herself.) And the songs are good, which is kinda key. One was a tune she sent to Bob Dylan to see if he'd do a duet with her, but he refused. So she just plays it anyway, imitating Dylan during what were supposed to be his parts.

If you care, you can read this review from some message board of her show in LA last week, to get more of an idea of what she's like.

But one thing about the audience. At one point, people were yelling out requests. For some reason, someone thought that doing the oldest joke in concert history would actually get laughs in a smart New York audience. That's right, "Freebird" was called out, and, I shit you not, people did laughed. Like, 40% of the crowd! Genuinely laughing, as if they'd never heard that one before! Not as smart as I thought, I guess.

I blame society. Everybody's working so hard that they're completely hooked on alcohol and coffee...and bad jokes! "Oh, my god, I worked 60 hours on the Penske file this week, give me anything that will relax me...what's that, Freebird? That's hilarious! Anything's better than this job I choose to work way, way, way, too hard at." All I'm saying is, stop being stressed out over unimportant crap, and suddenly you won't need coffee or other drugs anymore, you'll become healthy, will be able to get off your anti-depressants, and you'll find yourself a happier human being, who won't stand for shitty jokes like "Freebird" thrity fucking years after it stopped being funny.

If only it were that easy, right?

0.1 to 0.3 per cent of you are asking, "But what about that other female musician you kept blabbing about last year?" That was Joanna Newsom. I haven't talked about her because she didn't release any music the entire year, and every show she played, save for two in the midwest and one in Seattle, was outside the U.S. But believe you me, when she comes back around or puts out an album, I'll be a-talkin' 'bout it.

Oh, and to wrap up last night, Chan and I got to walk home through Central Park in the snow. Snow is cool.

I noticed something disturbing on a survey that BS Memorial took and posted on his blog. It has nothing to do with his answers, of course (to think, there is one other human besides me who doesn't drink coffee), but rather in one of the questions: "Left-handed or right-handed?"

I guess most people are one or the other. But I'm both, in a totally consistent way. For one-handed things, I'm right-handed. For two-handed things, I'm left-handed. Across the non-existent board. Follow along: I write right-handed. I swing an axe left-handed. I cut with scissors right-handed. I play mini-golf left-handed. I throw right. I bat left.

It applies to the feet, too. I play kickball right-footed. I snowboard left- or goofy-footed.

In fact, it's my contention that what's referred to as "left-handed" for two-handed things should be called "right-handed." Because when you swing a bat lefty, okay, when I do, the real force comes from my right, or dominant hand. This also accounts for my killer backhand in tennis.

Then some boob tries to tell me that I should play guitar left-handed, because my dominant hand would be able to do the fingering. But it's the right hand and arm that are needed for the timimg, rhythym, speed and velocity of the chords being played.

So sign my petition to make "left-handed" two-handed things be called "right-handed." Or don't, because it doesn't exist.

Well, by now, even casual(?) Red Sox fans know the name Jeremy Kapstein. His name came up when Theo's job became available, and in the ensuing craziness, he seems to have taken over the top spot for the job in many people's minds.

This is a critical moment. For this blog.

If Kapstein, aka the "former" Drinkwater, becomes the GM of the Red Sox, he will lose the cult status he gained here, and probably in the minds of a lot of fans who have followed his progress behind home plate on TV.

But the weird thing is, I feel like with just the media attention he's gained already, he may have lost it anyway.

Because, should the team go in another direction GM-wise, next year, people will see him behind the plate and say "Hey, isn't that that guy that was gonna be GM?" Anyone who didn't notice him before (what the hell were they doing, watching the game??) will now realize that it's him. His face being so prominent now will make him a huge star next year, even if he doesn't get the GM job.

I feel like I'm a Dexy's Midnight Runners fan, before "Come On Eileen" came out. Right before. Like, I know the band well, I know they've got a possible hit on their hands, but it's just a matter of whether or not the record company promotes the thing. OR, a Nirvana fan from right before "Smells Like Teen Spirit" blew up.

See how it all ties in? Everyone ended up knowing both bands, but one was just for the one song. So, Kapstein, in my mind, already has his hit, with this current publicity. The only question is, Will he end up the "voice of a generation," or a "one-hit wonder"?

Either way, everyone will know Kapstein after all this. There's no turning back.

So what do I hope happens with this man I used to think was named Drinkwater? I just hope that friend of my dad's who apparently knows the guy gets me some sweet seats behind home plate. What do I think will happen? Eh, they'll probably hire some other guy this week. But, of course, I've gotta root for Drinky.

(Note: If you've never read this blog until now--a huge possibility; you should see the hits I'm getting from people searching "Kapstein"--basically, the gist of what I'm talking about is: Me & Pat always saw this big dude behind plate at Fenway on TV. I heard that a guy named Drinkwater sat behind the plate. So we assumed they were talking about this guy. We called him Drinkwater, and started monitoring his progress, seeing him on the field talking to players during pre-games, wondering who he was. I even had the idea of a "Drinwater blog," which would keep his fans informed of his behaviors behind the plate. Pat once walked by him at a game, and almost said "Hi, Mr. Drinkwater." Eventually, we learned that Drinkwater was a different guy, adding more to the mystery of "our guy." Then they showed him on TV at a game, close-up, and wished a Happy Birthday to "Jeremy Kapstein." At that point, I looked him up, saw on redsox.com that he was a senior advisor, as well as having been a super-agent from the 70s, and even was an inspiration for the movie Jerry Maguire. And when my dad heard the name, he immediately told me how his good friend is friends with him (a huge moment in my life). So do some more searching around here for past stories and pix I've taken of the man who will always be Drinkwater--with apologies to Dennis Drinkwater. Or click here for the incredible picture Reb took of yours truly and Drinkwater. I mean Kapstein.)

What former Mets pitcher's name is inadvertently mentioned in the movie Anchorman?

My friend Brian (right, holding two mini-golf clubs in an "X" and flaring his nostrils) has developed a new form of writing. It started when he wrote the word "Provincetown" in an email to me. He added some other words within that word. It looked like this: Pro(rock) vince (Neil) (Mr.)T (rent to) own. So you've got Prorock, who's a friend of ours, Vince Neil, of Motley Crue fame, Mr. T, of A-Team and Rocky III fame, and that rental place, Rent To Own.

It was supposed to be a one-time thing, but, unless you're stupid, you know how cool this is, so now it's rampant.

There are so many ways you can go with this language. You can just do (W)ran(gler jeans)(Astro)dom(e) stuff, or you can try to connect letters with themes, like, if I wanted to say "Chan," using words that describe Chan, I could write Ch(inese) (m)an. But it's more fun the random way, I think.

Then you can have words within words, which, like in algebra, would require brackets. (party on, Gar)th(Kit K)at loo[ney (Ca)bin(Boy)](Carlton Ban)ks like this.

There are so many ways you can go with this language. You could add an entire novel to each letter of a ten-page e-mail. I think Brian (left, with microphone and Samhain T-shirt) is better at it than me. He seems to know just what to do with each word. He also wrote "Colbert" as Col(Porter)(Yogi)bert, which uses two incorrectly spelled names, but they would be pronounced correctly when said out loud. Another good one of his was "delay" as del (taco)(Rachel R)ay.

The language rules.

[Bonus edit: Here's a sample e-mail exchange where Brian & I use the language (with him using it much more and in cooler ways than I):

Dane Cook's hosting SNL tonight. Maybe Jessica could (surf)pu(nx)ll(oyd moseby) some stri(keout=K)(Ana)ngs and(y duncan) we could sit in the front row and hang out with Co(nan)o('brien)k(=strikeout) after. He's on (Dane)Co(ok)nan right now. Oh my, Chan flipped to the lat(t)e lat(t)e show, and was like, "Wait," as if he were waiting to see something coming up, so we watch and they're all "Up next, a performance from Lifehouse" and I started crack(house)(alarm k)ing up, and Chan was all "that's not what I was waiting for." key: "Ana Ng" is a They Might Be Giants song. I think u can figure out the rest. Yo, Update: Turns out what chan was waiting for was the author of Bridget Jones' Diary? I'm all "What?" and he's all "I just wanna see what she has to say" and I'm all "Is this a joke?" and he's all "No" and I'm all "TJ"


Yo,
I just read the Bridget (Ed "Too Tall")Jones (hey Ironhead, whats with this)thing(y?) and got (turf)totally distracted and off(sides) track in math class. That's funny. I saw the blog about the langu(ished saus)age- swee(ny Mur)t(i)! Wheres that mini golf shot (Abe)from(an)? T(iki Barber)J(ake "The Snake" Roberts) by(week) me for(th and 26) not(wurst) remembering. Yeah, we're(d wild stuff) both psych(obilly)ed for (Ron)Dane(ish) Cook. Kaitlin (Anthony's girlfriend) said his new C(C DeVille)D(Dee Ramone) isn't that (George Thoro)good(n plenty) though, (I want c)and(y!) I'm pretty surprised he's hosting. He's not like (Troy)a(ikman) big (Bart)star(r) (qu)or(terback sack!) (Say)anything. I gotta go(es wide right!)...I'm ad(vertising)ding(dongs) and subtracting rational expressions. ? -Brian]

Tom Gordon to Philly. In that same article, read how the yanks may get Mike Myers tomorrow. I hope we don't have to see Myers in 'stripes.

Oprah was on Letterman tonight. She was talking about the work she's doing in South Africa, and about poor kids, saying how if everyone did what they were supposed to do, we could feed them all. But instead, she said, we just go around buying our lattes or whatever. I turned to Chan and said, "She's full of shit. Isn't she the richest person in America or something?" In other words, she could take all her money, beyond what she needs to eat and pay for a roof, and give it to starving children. Instead, she's on TV wearing an outfit that costs more money than most people have ever seen.

Then I thought, Well, at least she's doing something. While making fun of her, I had been writing an e-mail to a stranger in Kansas who collects George Brett baseball cards, asking him if he'd want me to go back to an antique store I was in a while ago, 200 miles away, mind you, to get for him an RC Cola can from 1974 with George Brett's face on it that I saw there, and if he'd pay me for it, or trade similar Rich Gedman memoribilia for it, if he has any.

As Chan and I sit here watching a multiple-part, very special episode of Good Times, I am reminded of how nobody got that last quiz answer. I was looking for two of Jimmie "JJ Evans" Walker's catch-phrases, other than the one everyone knows, "Dyn-o-mite!" Here are some others: Answering the phone with "Chel-lo?" Calling for his mom with "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Taking a compliment with "I knoooooow." No points awarded.

There's a commercial for Long John Silver's or something that tells you to go in there and say "three free shrimp" three times fast. If you can do it, you get three free shrimp. I saw this and said, "That's terrible. What if you have a stutter?" Chan came right back with, "Then it shouldn't be a problem."

A picture I took is up at KeepManny.Com. Here's the direct link to the picture page. Look for my name.

The Sox just got this dude, Jermaine Van Buren (shown here with the Iowa Cubs). I'm so psyched to have one of the Van B Boys on the team. I don't think he'll get to wear number 8, though. Remember to flash him the secret sign when you see him.

Also, I've got that movie of the crazy children up and working at Putfile now. I think it's easier to view there than at that other site I have it on.

Looks like there are more Rich Gedman baseball cards than I thought. I figured Topps, Donruss, and Fleer from '82 to '90, plus some random Gedmans (Gedmen?) from oddball sets, like Sportflics. I didn't, on the other hand, figure on sets like '82 Coke, '84 Nestle, '86 Quaker Granola. There's also a Ralston-Purina set. Now that I think of it, I do remember digging through bags of cat food when I was little. Then you've got the "Canadian versions" of cards, which I also totally forgot about, Topps' being O-Pee-Chee and Fleer's being Leaf. And that mysterious "Topps Tiffany" set. And all these came out every year, and all included a Gedman. So we may be talking about dozens if not hundreds of cards to collect.

But I'm not letting that stop me. GQ06 (That's GedmanQuest 2006, new people. "Jeek" for short.) will go on as scheduled. For a really awesome story of one woman's friendship with Rich Gedman, click here. It's quite amazing. All right, kind of amazing. Being a Geddy fan helps one appreciate it, though.

Seeing baseball cards again has reminded me that my favorite skill, after being able to spin just about any object on my finger indefinitely, is being able to tell from a baseball card what stadium the picture was taken in.

The Xmas season started tonight, with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer airing (in HD!) on CBS, and TNT showing A Christmas Story. Seeing Rudolph (not in HD!) reminded me of my sister's kids, since I was living at their house last December, and got to watch all the holiday specials with them. So I e-mailed my ten year-old niece, asking her if she tuned in for Rudolph. Now I don't know if you've gotten an e-mail from a ten year-old girl lately, or ever, but wow, that's quite a different experience. The letters are ten feet tall, and colorful. She's got a crazy pink background with little birdies. I felt like I wanted to print it out and slap it up on the fridge.

And, no, she didn't watch Rudolph. Hopefully she catches Frosty. I know I will.