I noticed something disturbing on a survey that BS Memorial took and posted on his blog. It has nothing to do with his answers, of course (to think, there is one other human besides me who doesn't drink coffee), but rather in one of the questions: "Left-handed or right-handed?"

I guess most people are one or the other. But I'm both, in a totally consistent way. For one-handed things, I'm right-handed. For two-handed things, I'm left-handed. Across the non-existent board. Follow along: I write right-handed. I swing an axe left-handed. I cut with scissors right-handed. I play mini-golf left-handed. I throw right. I bat left.

It applies to the feet, too. I play kickball right-footed. I snowboard left- or goofy-footed.

In fact, it's my contention that what's referred to as "left-handed" for two-handed things should be called "right-handed." Because when you swing a bat lefty, okay, when I do, the real force comes from my right, or dominant hand. This also accounts for my killer backhand in tennis.

Then some boob tries to tell me that I should play guitar left-handed, because my dominant hand would be able to do the fingering. But it's the right hand and arm that are needed for the timimg, rhythym, speed and velocity of the chords being played.

So sign my petition to make "left-handed" two-handed things be called "right-handed." Or don't, because it doesn't exist.