I'd just like to blame that racist fucking idiot DirtDog once again for running Pedro out of town, causing us to have to watch that fat-head Wells self-destruct and whine and complain and get frustrated and fuck up in September against the Devil Rays.

And someone needs to throw Edgar's possessions out the window down to the street below.

I can't blame Papelbon because Hansen was doing great and should've stayed in the game.


My dad just got the Yes network today for the first time in a couple of years, after having watched the yanks for decades before that, since we lived in Fairfield County. And it's as if Steinbrenner knew this, and tried to refresh my dad's memory. Tonight was the classic horseshit yankee win.

I have a great idea for a zombie-killing-style video game. You're in yankee Stadium, it's a packed house. Their are several different bullcrap yankee wins loaded into the game, so you can maybe choose the team they play. Let's say, for an example everyone can relate to, Jeter gets a cheap-ass, inside out swing bloop hit to right field. You then, naturally, go around with, say, a piece of a metal seat, and just start stabbing yankee-fan zombies, ripping their empty hearts from their chests as they fall to the the pee-stained cement, and go rolling down the upper deck and over the edge, landing on some rich family from Westchester, killing them and their cracker-zombie-spawn.

Then an Orioles first baseman who weighs three hundred pounds forgets to cover first, two four-pitch walks, a hit batter and an error lead to a big yankee inning. You grab a souvenir bat and start knocking the heads off American flag-wavin', shirtless neanderthals who think that not only have the yankees done something great, but that they themselves have, too.

Then, after the fifteenth obviously paid-for strike call is made in favor of the yanks, you locate the celebrity section. You slam Penny Marshall's and Billy Crystal's heads together, and they explode. You do the same with Guiliani and Cheney, who appear at every game in this video game.

Once every fan is dead, you get to go to town on yankee players. I like the idea of making them kill each other. But you can get creative.

Earlier tonight, Chan told me he was afraid of me, and that he thought I might murder him. And I hadn't even told him about this video game idea.

Anyway, it'll all be fine. They'll choke in the end.