Dear Curt,

What did you forget to do? Come on, you know...

That's right, waste a pitch.

Please don't forget next time.

Love,
Jere

If you are new to baseball, I'll explain this as briefly as I can. In Little League I learned that when you are ahead of a hitter with a count of no balls and two strikes, you should throw a pitch way out of the strike zone. The batter knows that he or Stephanie Sharlow is down to his or Stephanie Sharlow's last strike, and they must "protect the plate." So if you throw a pitch right down the heart of the plate, like Curt did tonight, they're more likely to swing--and therefore hit the ball--than they are at any other count. So throwing the ball outside the strike zone on this count makes the hitter more likely to "chase" the pitch--i.e. swing at a pitch that's harder to hit, giving them a better chance of missing the ball, thus, striking out. And having three balls to work with gives you the luxury of being able to waste a pitch--or two--or three, before finally throwing one over the plate.

Giving up a hit on 0-2 is unacceptable.

Giving up a game-winning hit on 0-2, with two outs, to Chico's Bail Bonds when you've been pitching in the league for, like, thirty years is unforgivable.

Unless you just pitched us to a World Series championship a few months earlier. But still, I don't want to see that 0-2 nonsense any more.

Good to see David go deep and deeper, though.

And the yanks...how sweet it is. My new goal is "boos every game." I want to hear them get booed at least once by their home fans during every game. Their pitching is bad enough to make Steinbrenner finally succumb to whatever illness he has that's making him slowly wither away. However, today was kind of bittersweet, since the last thing I wanted was for Jaret Wright to miss time on the mound, what with his huge ERA and all. But I'm sure whoever they come up with as a replacement won't be much better. Or hey, how about a four-man rotation of Wrinkled Johnson, Bagged Moose, Wall-Punchin' McGee, and Carl "My mommy told me to play for the yankees" Pavano? That'll work. The beauty part is that Jeter's having a great start, average-wise, and it's going for naught. (I also just thought back to last year when Michael Kay would say things about Jeter's season which may as well have been: "If you only count the time where Jeter wasn't slumping, he's your MVP." So out of touch with reality, our boy Kay.)


I like all this commenting about nicknames. Sam, you said "[I] Haven't come up with anything decent for Renteria yet".

Note that the Broseph solved this problem on December 15th, 2004. His nickname for Renteria is "Chopper." I started using it here myself, hoping that if people see it on two different websites, they'll just assume that's what "everybody's" calling him. I also did it kind of as a tribute to Bullshit Memorial Stadium. Because, normally, I just use my own nicknames, but since he (or in this case, his brother, the Broseph) came up with one right away, which made me immediately start thinking of Edgar as "Chopper," I thought I'd "borrow" that one, partly in the way you borrow your friend's clothes (I've never done it with a non-jersey item of clothing, mind you), and partly to try to help his nickname catch on.

Yesterday, I said that my dad's nicknames always need an explanation, but today I was reminded of one of his classics, that needs none: Alfonso Sori-asshole.

And I recently got an e-mail from a friend which referred to Alan Embree as Captain Cheese. It sounded so natural coming from someone else. Maybe she was humoring me, but still, I think this is another one that needs to catch on. It just fits so well. If someone who lives up in Boston could go around putting "Call Embree Captain Cheese" fliers up, that'd be great. Oh wait, we don't need fliers anymore because of the internet. Just put it on message boards, then. Thanks.