Here's the fake ad again. To me, it's all about the song. In 2009, or whenever the hell that was, that band Kings of Leon was, incredibly, on top of the world. Needless to say, I was unimpressed. They should have planted their flag right on the double yellow line, because they were the rulers of middle-of-the-road-ness. They could have won a RSFPTy for "most average song by a duo or group." Ben & Jerry could have named a flavor after them: Kings of Leon plain vanilla. I remember telling a friend that I wanted to start a band at the time, and she asked what I wanted it to sound like, and I said, "You know Kings of Leon? The exact opposite of that." It was borderline mortifying to me that this was what the world thought of as not only "rock," but the zenith of rock.

One horrible day at work (I was a cube farmer then), the higher-ups treated the staff to some music, and it was the Kings of Leon album. Not since 1992, when I pulled my car over and got out because my friend refused to turn off Snow's "Informer," had I actually pulled an "it's me or this song," and physically left a structure or vehicle in response to the music playing within. The big "hit," or plainest number in the KOL catalog, was "Sex on Fire." The song was about, I don't know, sex being on fire, but all I heard was "it's cool, just stay where you are in life, no need for unnecessary risks, don't get too high or too low... and yaaaaaaaahholll, ya sex is on fiiieeeyehr!" And yet for some reason, I never heard any type of parody or mocking of this goddamn song, until now.

In this fake commercial, that guy sings the forbidden line in such a way that makes me feel like I finally have an anti-Kings of Leon soulmate, somebody who couldn't take it either, and as a bonus is now using it to bring a smile to my face. I can't stop laughing when I hear him do the initial faux-strained-yet-slightly-off-key croon. And when he hits that final, deliberately half-hearted syllable of "fire," I completely lose it and have to start it over and hear the whole thing again. The fact that he changes it to "ranch is on fire" (I had thought "lunch is on fire" at first) is funny too--as is the concept of pizza candles--but for me it really has nothing to do with that. It's all about making fun of that crappy song, knocking it off its throne, albeit several years after anyone has seen or even looked for said throne. It has "saved" the song for me--now, should I ever happened to be forced into hearing it without having the option to vacate the area, I'll imagine the field of foods with the flames racing through, and the glorious takedown that guy pulled on it.

So fine job, singer in that ad. Now I shall go back and replay it a hundred more times in a row.

(In case you don't know the reference, here's the one and only time I'll link to the original. Spoiler alert: it's dogshit.)