Friday, December 13, 2013

The Crack Of Doom

When Carl "Man, Am I A Shitty, Shitty Person" Crawford signed with the Red Sox, you may remember that at the press conference he sounded like he'd partied the whole previous night, screaming at the top of his lungs about how great it is that he got his money and will no longer have to work hard. They were giving him lozenges and water, but that voice was just gone.

So now when players I'm rooting against have introductory press conferences, I of course hope to hear a similar voice. Just now, Jacoby "And You Thought Crawford Was A Shitty, Shitty Person" Ellsbury was draped in stink, as he put on the Naz-stripes for the first time. And that voice--it was cracking like a mofo! Woohoo! He's toast.

I'll give him this: It's cool to have italics in your nickname.

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Location: Rhode Island, United States