I think I figured out what the American Dream is. You know the Yankees are probably going to be in the playoffs. But you hope that they go out quickly and quietly. If you can have an October where you don't even really pay that much attention, you just check in on their score occasionally, and soon it's over without you having any heart attacks, you have lived the American (or your own country of residence for that matter) Dream.

I did not live the AD in the ALDS. But I'm hoping to in the ALCS.

I wrote the above text in the 8th inning tonight. I was going to finish it by saying how tonight, there was just a minor blip, where the Yanks had a Typical Yankee Rally in the 6th (grounder to second, guy just can't get ball out of glove, finally does but can't make his arm throw for some reason, followed by a chopper over the first baseman's head that the right fielder can't dig out allowing the batter to get to second), but couldn't score. Then the Tigers went on to the pressure-free 4-0 win.

BUT! Valverde proceeded to give up a two-run dong to Ichiro in the 9th, and then with two outs, he walks Teixeira and freakin' Ibanez yet again hits a dramatic dong. Tied. I'd say it was pandemonium, but all the Yankee fans (well, the ones who fucking showed up) had gone home by then.

So it went from a "boo-all-our-players" fest dead zone to a "we've got this" feeling. But the Yanks couldn't push the winning run across. Not in the 9th, 10th, or 11th, when Ibanez had another chance but failed.

Then came a comedy act of epic proportions. Tigers get a leadoff single. Fielder's slow roller moves him over. Then, a line drive to right. Swisher moves to his right, sticks the glove out...and misses the ball! He then goes into an unnecessary roll as the ball goes to the wall. Run scores easily, Tigers lead 5-4. Then before we could stop laughing at Mr. Smiles, there's a grounder to Jeter...who promptly stumbles and rolls on the ground himself! Everybody's safe, and the raucous laughter in my living room continued! You could tell Jeter rolled that ankle that had been bothering him (Pettitte's quick-recovery powder may have been used, as Derek was limping one day and perfectly fine the next), well, everybody except Ron Darling, who said, "ehh, he'll get up." Then he realized he was actually hurt. And then America held its breath as the ankle of JESUS caused him to have to be helped off the field. Without Jeter in the dugout or on the field, TBS was helpless! Who can we show between every pitch even though he's sitting there doing nothing?? Whose eyelids can we zoom in on all the way? Man, this game may have set the record for EGS (egregious Jeter shots). They showed the replay of him reacting to Ibanez's home run FOUR TIMES. I'm unable to keep up. Jeter is doing things you can't even fathom while he sits there, observing.

Anyway. On the next play, the Yanks' pitcher reaches out with his hand for a grounder and touches it, ruining the play for his fielders. Run scores. 6-4. The Yanks went down one-two-three in the 12th. Tigers win an incredible game 1.

And what did I learn? Fuck the American Dream. What do I really love more than anything? When the Yankees, say it with me now, almost win but still lose. Throw me into the fire, I wanna see them tie it in the 9th miraculously only to lose in extra innings. I can take it. Me and my pal Jeter can handle whatever comes our way. Bring it on!

Update, 5 seconds later. Apparently, Jeter can NOT take it. He's done for the season. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, see you next year asshole! (I mean, after every pitch in every game from now on, sitting in the dugout. "I want a camera on his cast at ALL TIMES, people!") I guess that's what happens when you're stubborn and keep playing despite a serious injury. You HURT YOUR TEAM. But why would we expect any less from selfish Jeter?