Friday, May 11, 2012

Possibly The Worst Album Of All Time

I'm normally all for stuff like this. "Hey, let's release an album of Fenway Park-related songs." Fine. Go for it. Celebrate Fenway in any way you can. But this album I just found out about almost seems like an April Fool's gag.

It doesn't have the actual songs (I understand rights and all that--doing it that way might be unfeasible), but "contemporary versions" of the songs. (With "Let the Good Times Roll"--a song I can't remember ever hearing at Fenway--oddly getting top billing in the article.) So right there you know it will probably be pretty bad, based on the fact that it's not the original, and the fact that it's probably someone you don't care for singing the song. But on top of that, they went and got players to sing some of the songs! At that link, you can listen to at least some of each track.

The album leads off with "Tessie," by...Kevin Millar! I love Kevin Millar, but he's not a singer. He sings a lot. But he's not a singer.

Then it's time for that age-old Fenway anthem, "Let the Good Times Roll." Not a bad tune--unless it's sung by the dude from Extreme. And Daniel Bard. That pompous guitar player from Extreme is also listed, so I assume he plays guitar--I can assure you I have no interest in waiting out the 15-second ad to hear what that sounds like.

"Dream On," which I assume counts as a "Fenway song" simply because it's by a Boston band, is next. Steven Tyler has a relationship with the team, so he could have just redone the song or granted the rights to the original. But why do that when you can get Jarrod Saltalamacchia to sing it? (Backed by a guitarist who I've never heard of but who's been compared to Jimi Hendrix.) I cringingly clicked on that one, and found that Salty does give it a heartfelt effort....

Skipping over two songs I've never heard of that involve Gammons, a guy from the J. Geils band, and Ken Casey of the Dropkicks, we've got "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," sung, or more accurately, announced by Jerry Remy, along with a choir of little kids who sadly don't completely succeed in drowning out Remy's low voice. They botch the lyrics several times, too. The guy from Staind is credited, I assume he's on the acoustic.

"Sweet Caroline" is slightly countrified by some guy from Glee. Four Red Sox players are credited on this one, though I don't hear them in the clip provided. (Unless they're hidden deep below the little-kid choir on "so good.")

A song called "2007," by Youk, Ellsbury, and Pedroia, seems to be percussion only. The only thing I can think of is that it's supposed to sound like the "bullpen band." But then why would no pitchers be involved?

A guy from the Standells, a guy from the Band Boston, and Alfredo Aceves team up on "Dirty Water." I can't tell who does what.

Someone I've never heard of does a song called "Fenway Park" that sounds like a children's song. Is that what's going on here? Is it supposed to be a children's album? Because if it is, it's almost justified. But I don't think it is.

A reading of "Hub Fans Bid Kid Adieu" closes the album. A serious piece? Time to call in the comedian! Mike O'Malley appears here, along with Jim Lonborg and Curt Schilling.

I give this album 0 out of a possible 100 Gedmans.

These clips are total fails - the only appeal here is to hear the player / Gammons, but in most of the cases, you cannot hear them.

My favorite is that Gammons clip where he sings like one line and is autotuned all over the place.
Oh right on that song that's also never, ever played at Fenway Park or is in any way connected to it or the Red Sox! At least they're only charging 10 bucks and not 20.
With the credit listed to the RS Foundation, can we assume this is for charity? In that case, it's no worse than a corny "Red Sox Wives Cookbook" or "Red Sox ABC kids book." I'll probably get a copy, if for nothing more than comedy. Like my Shaq cd.
I guess I had a certain expectation when I saw the title: "Fenway Park: Greatest Hits."

(I also forgot about one track in my "review"--Dicky Barrett doing Impossible Dream (with Rico Petrocelli somehow involved). So that's okay. Though I don't see myself wanting to listen to it more than 1, 1.5 times.)

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