Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Ads That Don't Work For Me, Volume Something

Have you heard the radio ad where they talk about being the parent of a lil' baseball player? The guy says, "of course you wanna teach 'em how to hit the knuckleball...".

What's wrong with this picture?

1. Know any Little Leaguers who throw a knuckler? Most kids will have a knuckleball pitched to them in a game zero times in their lives. Even if you go all the way to the majors, you'll see that pitch less than 1% of the time altogether.

2. If there's one aspect of baseball that even the most skilled coach can't teach and even the most talented hitter can't master, it's "hitting a knuckleball." Hitters have theories on how to hit it but they're pretty much hacking and hoping for the best. Catchers don't even know how to catch a knuckleball. Can you throw hundreds of knucklers to your kid a day so he or she gets a lot of practice facing it? Sure, but you might as well try to teach 'em to roll a 7. A person is as likely to succeed on their first try as they are on their millionth. The first one might not dance while the millionth one merengues around your bat.

It reminds me of that New York Lottery commercial where the guy says if he wins the jackpot, he'll "learn" a crazy dunk that ends with him elbow-deep in the hoop.

Why do I care? I don't know, why do you care about the bullshit you care about?

There's a Taylor Swift song that I hear at the supermarket or whatever and she sings, "When we're on the phone and you talk real slow 'cause it's late and your mama don't know."

I think she meant talk 'soft' or 'low' or something. Why would he talk 'slow'?
Ha! That's like how Madonna says "At night I lock the doors, where no one else can see" in Get Into the Groove! People can't see through doors regardless of whether they're locked. (Maybe she has very cheap doors that swing open by default so locking them is the only way to keep them closed. Samantha Fox did a similar thing: "Unlock the door so I can breathe." Come on! Does the fact that there's a littttle more air coming through because the deadbolt is undone really affect one's ability to breathe inside the room? And if it's a handle lock or a chain lock there's no difference at all. What's wrong with these people?

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Location: Rhode Island, United States