Saturday, April 23, 2011

A Good, Clean Love. Without Utensils.

[Non-Night Owls: Relive the 9th With Me Below!]

The Angels wore their 80s unis tonight, which was great. But the incorrect radial arching of the names on the backs made them look like the Naked Gun Angels. (Except Reggie Jackson who must have been using his real jersey in the film, since he had the correct vertical arching.)

Dan "Spiwack" Haren came in with a mega-low ERA, but we got some runs off him, although two came on a botched fly ball and were unearned. I kinda like when Torii screws up, and you could fault him, along with two other dudes, on that play. And you should fault him for missing Rock Salt's fly ball earlier. So those plays led to our first three runs. Our fourth--Jed was knocked in by Drew after doubling and going to third on Wells' bobble. A play Jerry Remy refused to see as anything but a triple. Here's how it went down:

High fly ball over Wells's head in left field. I'm thinking double. But Wells bobbles. Not a quick bobble, a kind of multi-, near-blooper reel bobble. So they cut to Jed and he's rounding second. He makes third, and everyone watching, including the official scorer, says, That's a double and an error. But Remy, he's surprised. Don says the error is on the "apparent" bobble. So I'm thinkin' these guys didn't even see the bobble the first time. (We've talked about this before--they're watching with their eyes and missing what we're seeing on our screens.) So Remy's going, "I refuse to change that to a double on my scorecard, Jed was thinking triple the whole time, and he would have been safe anyway." Then they show a replay of just Jed. And guess what? You see him clearly slow up as he approaches second, then speed up again as he's looking out into left field, proving everyone but Remy right. But Remy says nothing, sticking to his story. I don't know why these guys can't admit when they're wrong. Anyway, they made up for it with funny laugh attacks later.

So it was 4-0. And Lester was dealing. No runs over 6 innings. Albers gave up a run in the 7th. Then the Angels got all hung up on some clown from the SIXties, man! They brought in Trevor Bell, grandson of fucking Bozo the Clown! He got out of the 8th, then Jenks came in for us, and gave up a quick run, and then Torii thought he had a dong, and did the bat flip, but it was caught on the track. And I laughed in Torii's smug mug from 3 grand miles away. And then Salta lets a pitch get by him and Abreu goes from second to third. To home! Because Salt-head can't find the ball, and despite Jenks pointing back behind him to the screen, he just doesn't see it. Finally he runs back there but it's too late. So that made it 4-3.

Top 9: At this point we're just 4 for 31 with RISP on the road trip, or something like that, clinging to a one-run lead. We go down One Bee Eye Eye Eye.

Bottom 9: Pap in for the third straight night. 4-3 Boston. The Padres lost, so if we hold on, it will mean: that we may be in last place, but every other division has a team with a worse record than the Boston Red Sox! Here we go....I'm writing this live (at 1:18 a.m.) in case you can't tell...

Aybar: Easy fly out to CF. One down.

Conger, I hardly was acquainted with said female: I just pushed the table out a little, subconsciously, but not really, to prepare for a possible stand-up-and-cheer should he get to two outs and then two strikes. I am not religious and I am trying to cut back on my superstitions but I hope the baseball gods didn't see that--and as I type that, Conger lines a single. Damn you gods! Man on first, one out. Table pushed back to where it was. And a little extra.

That Bonjour guy: Strike one. Called strike two. Come on, Pap. Skied to right but in the park clearly. Caught. Too good a pitch for 0-2 but we get the second out.

Kendrick: Strike one. And now it is over! We WIN! I stood and clapped after strike two in the living room as per the tradition, though I did not do what my dad does, which is to summon all the fish in the sea to position their bodies vertically as they have no feet. Then I visualized strike three, like Dan Quisenberry taught me on The Baseball Bunch, and Howie swing and missed! 4-3 win. We've won 6 of our last 7!


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Location: Rhode Island, United States