Tuesday, January 18, 2011


Last summer my friend Amber found an amazing flier on the east side of Providence. We have decided this will be the next big Internet thing, so you better go posting it all over the place.

It was created by a man/boy with a somewhat skewed utopian vision named "Neil." He is looking for roommates. Click the pic to read the entire 10-page dissertation (yes, it was all tacked to a pole!) if you like, but I will give you the highlights here. I will spare you the ALL CAPS.

After briefly describing the male and female sides of "our creator," Neil says he's seeking seven loving, peaceful roommates to rent a large house with.

There will be no televisions, stereo systems, musical instruments, angry people or intellectuals without passion allowed in this house however we are going to have a model of the most powerful computer system on earth to gain access to most of the free world.

Right on, fuck musical instruments! Okay....

Pages 2 and 3 (they're all numbered for your convenience) go into the usual hippie shit. He invents words such as "heartful" and "resolutionaries." He seems bent on "public speaking" both inside the house and out. And as for that "creator"...

We pertain to absolutely no religion except the love and faith in our creator and if you are a practicing agnostic or atheist I can understand how you feel and we can debate our philosophies together for our personal and group solutions.

He then outlines your future life with Neil and company:

After a given period of time we are going to become better friends and get to know and passionately understand each other and we are going to become stronger in love, peace, freedom, and paving humanity and all life on earth in the right direction for almost all out global harmony.

Yeah, but who's gonna take out the trash??

Now Neil's getting all philosophical-like on us:

All my life I have intentionally raised 90% heaven and unintentionally raised 10% hell and that most likely leaves me in the top 1% of people of all time yet I spend 99% of my time in isolation.

Backed by that math, Neil feels he can help the world (when he's "good and totally sane," mind you). Things he claims we need to get rid of include "99% of all books." He says we need to get away from "a lack of sexual love" and "too many languages." I just wanna know what the rent's gonna be....

Are heaven and hell important to you when finding a roomie? If so, Neil's your man, because he's got it all figured out:

I have two powerful, simple theories what "physical" heaven and hell is which most of you will agree with me and a few of you will not be sure. Theory number one--on a scale of 1 to 10 of all worlds in the infinite universe (which is only possible to reach through spirit and the passing away of the flesh) this world we know as earth is "hell" according to our creator and humanity and our creator started us off as a "1" (hell) according to his/her worlds so when we are mostly good after death we soar to a higher existence through reincarnation[...]

Honestly, I can't tell where one thought ends and the next begins. Continue reading it yourself for all the details regarding the rest of the numbers 1 through 10, and the advertised "theory number two." Winning candidates, he notes, should agree with "most of these words." Good luck with that, Neil!

(At the bottom of the title page, someone has scrawled "Neil we hear you." We're still wondering if that's a taker...or someone who wants Neil's capital letters to stop shouting!)

Jere can hear me....Jere, just reading your excerpts gave me an eyeache! Yo Neil.
All that said, I bet this guy is still passive aggressive if you forget to do your dishes.
I know Neil. He has many grandiose ideas, but he's a really nice guy. Haven't heard from/about him in a few years, but it's good to know he's still pushing utopia.
oh my creator! tell me more!

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Location: Rhode Island, United States