You know what should be illegal? Waiters/waitresses taking orders without writing it down! Who do these people think they are? We're all sooo impressed with your incredible memory...and yes, remembering 90% of ten items is impressive--but this is a job that requires 100% accuracy! Just grab a pen! You're just aching to disappoint everybody! And not only that, when we see no pen and pad, we're less likely to ask for everything we want, since we know you're gonna forget some of it anyway!

Here's a good prank. Next time you get a no-pad waiter, just keep ordering things and don't stop. "I'd like a cheeseburger, well done, with mustard, ketchup on the side, cole slaw on a plate, some clams, a veggie wrap with three mushrooms cut in half and no sour cream, a diet Coke with no ice, a side of fries, and, actually, I'll order my dessert now...." See how long it takes before they go, "you know what..." and then be like, "Yeah, I thought so, I'll be right here when you get back." And then when they come back with a legal size pad and a paint brush, just say, "I'm not hungry anymore. Can I just get some water?"

When dealing with these padless porters, at the end of your meal, remember *most* of the payment process, forgetting only one little thing, the tip.