I'd be effing beaming regardless of which non-Yankee team Cliff Lee went to. But I think his going to Philly is a bonus, in regards to a certain group of ridiculous people. This is a group I've talked a lot about. The "I root for New York" fan. That's right, the person who feels they have the right to have TWO* favorite teams just because their city has multiple teams. Those fans also exist in Chicago, LA, etc., but it's extra-shitty in New York, because you get your 27 championships, but any time the Mets are doing better than the Yanks, you STILL get to be happy. Yankee fans, of all people, should not be allowed a back-up. Either take your 27 and be happy with that, or pick someone else, but you can't have both.

But back to Lee--my point is that those not-rare-enough Yets** fans probably hate Philadelphia***. A true Yankee fan would take solace in the fact that at least Lee did something that will hurt the Mets. But these faker, dual-fanship types are probably pissed that Lee is gonna be beating one of the teams in their harem. So let's recap:

Mets fans: I feel your pain.
Yanks fans: Do you have to ask?
Yets fans: Terrible job as usual.


*I know a lot of people have an AL and an NL. But even in that case, you have ONE true team, and the other is just who you root for in a league that might as well be a different sport anyway. But the "I root for NY" breed is a special one--isn't rooting for all teams in your city just as pointless as rooting for all teams in your country? "And my team wins the World Series again! I can't lose! Except in '92 and '93! America rules! Dy-nas-ty!!!"

**My new name for those people, Yanks + Mets = Yets. Duh.

***People hate Philadelphia. I know nothing about this. The A's left there long before I was born, so Sox and Yanks fans shouldn't have a problem, but obviously Mets fans do. Even when I followed the NFL and was a die-hard Jets fans, well, the Eagles were in the NFC. We'd only play them once every three seasons, last-place schedule aside. But in my yearly Jets game, I did see the Eagles one time. It was weird because it was on CBS instead of NBC. We made a sign. It was horrible. Cunningham can't Beat uS. CBS. The weird thing is I knew that Cunningham was more than capable of Beating uS, single-handedly even. Anyway, it rained, and the marker ran down the sign. I'd say this was the game. I should put this footnote in the "game notes" section of that page! And yeah when I was following the NBA and was a die-hard Nets fan, well, yeah I guess we played the 76ers a few times a year. But besides hating the Knicks, there weren't a whole lot of rivalries in those days. It's hard to have one when your team wins like 12 games a year. (Note to new people who are all, "Hey you're talking about how to be a fan and now you're talking about these teams you USED to like. What gives, sizzlechest?" First of all, great Jerky Boys reference--you sound pretty cool. Secondly, I only had one football and basketball team--I just stopped following those sports. I mean, it's hard to avoid them****, but I just mean I don't have loyalties any more in those sports. I'm just done. We cool?)


****I once wondered if you could make it a full year without finding out who won the Super Bowl. I don't think it's possible. Maybe I should test this theory with the World Cup or something. And it doesn't count if you learn the answer but forget. For example, I have no idea who won the Stanley Cup last year and I may never hear the answer again, but I'm sure I found out at the time.