Did I ever tell you the "second gear start" story? I got a car back in 2000, one that's currently driving its swan drive. In its early days, a light on the dash came on: "second gear start." I knew what it was referring to--the car was sluggish when I'd first step on the gas, until it finally reached "second gear" (or whatever you call it when an automatic vehicle gears up that first time when you hit like 20 MPH or whatever--can you tell I know nothing about cars?), at which point everything went back to normal. So on the highway, everything was fine. But around the suburban streets of Danbury, no go.

I asked everybody. Nobody had heard this "second gear start" term, and no one knew how to make my car cease being stuck in this mode. I even "checked the Internet," as Google was not yet America's default. Nothing. So I finally had to bring the thing back to the dealership, even though I felt like if I could just un-"second gear start" the thing, it would go back to normal.

I explained the problem, and 400 bucks later, the car is back, the light's off, and it running fine. However, the automatic seat-adjusting buttons are no longer working. As usual when your car gets fixed, you get it back with the driver's seat pushed WAY back, and I couldn't move the thing forward! They had left it outside for me after they were closed, so I had no choice but to drive it home with my legs at full extension, barely able to reach the pedals, and then bring it back again.

When I told them that the seat had been fine until THEY broke it, they didn't care. They charged me 200 more dollars to fix what they had broken. I remember telling the nicely dressed people who worked in the offices what the grease-covered guys were doing to me, and while they were on my side, they acted like the mechanics were "those we do not speak of."

So I spent 600 dollars but I had my car back the way it was, finally.

A few weeks later, I'm getting in my car, and my left knee hits the area of the dashboard that's...well, in front of where your left knee is while you're driving. And what do I see, but the "second gear start" light. Here we go again... But wait. How did my knee cause the light to go on. I look down into that dark corner of the car where you never look, and what do I see, but a little, horizontal light switch, now flipped to the right, just below the words "second gear start." For some reason, you can choose to put your car in this mode. If you know where the switch is. Or, you can bump it accidentally, have your car be all messed up, and have to take it in for "repairs," which in reality is someone flipping the switch back to the left. Can you imagine the mechanics at that moment?

"Oh! Everybody come here! I want you guys to see how we make the easiest 400 bucks of our life! This guy wants us to take his car out of 'second gear start' mode. Watch this!

(*flip*)

Done and done."

"But, uhhhh, boss, can we really charge for something like that?"

"Shut up! Give him the car back, and don't say a word about that switch!"

"You mean we're not even gonna tell him how he can avoid this in the future?"

"No! And we're gonna charge FIVE hundred next time he accidentally bumps that switch! And remember to break something else while you're 'fixing' it so he has to come back regardless!"

Now, you, the reader, can come up with your own way to connect this story to the Phillies and their quest to win the final two games of the World Series.