I'd like to offer my sincerest apologies to the people of the world on behalf of my team for not beating that annoying Devil Rays squad and getting into the World Series. I know most of you love your team, hate the Yankees, and would have loved to see their rival, the fun-loving, lovable Red Sox continue to rub it in their faces with another title. Too bad it couldn't happen.

A lot of jealous media types and closet Yankee fans are trying to act like people hate the Red Sox, so for all the millions of you out there who rooted for my team in the playoffs, thanks, and again, we're sorry.

(The funniest part is when fans in other cities will try to tell you that all the Sox fans filling their parks are just front-runners, but then act like "everybody" hates the Red Sox. So...everyone loves us but everyone hates us? Makes no sense. But, again, if you're confused or fifteen years old or something, check out my post about how it takes decades for a hatred to build up toward a franchise.)