Thursday, September 18, 2008

Grow Fins, Turkey

I've never much "liked" Paul Byrd as a human, for reasons I've mentioned here before. (If I based it strictly on on-field performance, he does have the old-time windup, so I'd probably like him, provided I didn't have to look at his face, which frightens me.) And I'm not big on rented guys who come to your team late in the year and are suddenly placed into a starting role, as if the team had just been waiting all year for the guy to come along. (When they come in and capture your heart and do awesome, etc., I sing a different tune, but, for the most part, I feel like they're gonna be the Dave Meggett of the '98 Jets--coming in out of nowhere and screwing up what had been working fine without him.)

So...I've been pissed at Paul Byrd. I went to that horror-game (the one where Vernon Wells was trying to kill me) and on top of being all depressed anyway, I have to see Paul Byrd start--and not only that, he gets his ass kicked. First pitch of the game was rocked, and the Blue Jays never let up. Manny Ramirez? No. He must go. But Paul Byrd? Suure, bring him on, just what we need. Oy. I admit he's done good for us and may be the key to our success in the playoffs for all I know, but for me, he's gotta be Cy Young. But instead, he tips his pitches! I watched the video a couple days after on Empyreal Environs, but now I see it's finally come to Byrd's attention. "Maybe" he'll watch it. Dude, just fucking watch it. It shows you sitting at the table holding your cards FACE OUT. Jesus. Yeah, Jesus. A guy you know quite well. The one who told you to be good and not do drugs. But then stood by as you went and took drugs anyway. And struggled with porn and see why this guy is just too difficult to deal with for a guy like me? The problem with coming out and saying how good you are as a person is that when all this personal info comes out, you look like an asshole. Or in his case, a ventriloquist dummy. And then we have to hear about how somebody told him months ago he was tipping his pitches! And he didn't fully fix it! Come on, Byrd! Get your head in the game!

In that article, Amalie says "The third inning, in which the Rays scored three runs off Tim Wakefield, Devern Hansack, Javier Lopez, and David Aardsma..." Aardsma came in and got the only guy he faced to end that inning. A little bit of an unfair statement there. However, he did go after that popup like a guy in a Big Bird costume holding a net trying to catch turkeys dropped from a chopper.

Got a comment today from the dreaded "anonymous" mocking the Red Sox, saying they were spanked by the Rays, and that I should "enjoy!" So we're the defending World Champions, headed for the playoffs, while the Yanks will be watching (hopefully not from inside their stadium, as it will soon be CRUMBLING TO THE GROUND), and I'm supposed to be on a ledge or something?

Trouble in paradise alert! My favorite new Sox blog is Soxlosophy, and I know that dude likes Paul Byrd. Hopefully he doesn't hate me for this anti-Byrd, ventriloquist dummy image-conjuring rant! But he seems to be a mature young man of sound mind so I think we can get through it with the help of our e-friends, e-family, and e-Jesus.

I tried to think of a "Tip" related title for this post. My mind immediately went to Over the Edge. One kid was named Tip. At one point Matt Dillon's character is pointing a gun at him by his pool, and Tip's getting all nervous, telling Dillon he can't swim. At which point, a young (his first role) Dillon says, "Grow Fins, Turkey."

So the fact that I happened to mention a turkey drop in the post made it doubly awesome.

and thanks for the compliment!

I can't really disagree with anything you've said; in fact, as i was reading your post, i was thinking 'uh oh, maybe i've gone overboard with this byrd thing.'

its just that i really really like pitchers who don't throw hard. to me, pitching is the most interesting thing in sports- there's just so much going on- and the guys who have to rely on guile rather than power are just so damn intriguing to me. (plus, in my own amateur pitching experience, i'm not a hard thrower either; i like to think i identify with them.)

also, i tend not to think much about off-field stuff; if i had to think about schillings' persona or politics ever time he pitched...

and sure, byrd looks like a weird cross between billy joel and eddie izzard...
yeah, I was a junk-baller myself. With no junk. Just one sidearm pitch which, as Matt Suffoletto said, "has a natural drop." (I think that came from its key proponent: it's un-fast-ness!)

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Location: Rhode Island, United States