...are the words no one's been able to honestly say. But the FBI is reopening the case. The deal was, some dude hijacked a plane a long time ago, requested parachutes and a sack of cash, got both, then jumped out of the plane, at night, in the rain, and was never heard from again.

Some people are critical of the FBI for wasting time on a decades-old case in which no one was even injured. Personally, I just bought a game-used undershirt of someone on the Red Sox. Not a player. A coach. So I shouldn't talk.

One thing we do know about Cooper. He definitely didn't land safely, hop on a Greyhound, buy a mansion in Boston, change his name, and start a Red Sox blog. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go take a dump in my golden toilet.

In gambling news, my dad bet the Celtics to win the NBA title as a present for my girlfriend, who loves the Cs. If they win, she cashes in to the tune of a few of the other kind of Cs. So I say, if they make the Finals, she should bet a little bit on the other team, to cover her ass. That way, if the Celts lose, she wins however much she puts up on the other team. If they win, she still wins the original money, minus the dough she put up on the other team. Or at the very least, if the Finals goes to game 7, and the Celts are favored, she should bet the opponent in that game. That way, if the Celts win but don't cover the spread, she'd be cashing in on two bets. And if anything else happens, she still wins some money, having put up nothing.

She refuses to bet against the Celts in any way, though. Admirable, but....you gotta let ride! Let it ride!