Friday, September 14, 2007

Form Of: A Letter

A few days after writing this, I got an e-mail that said this:
Hello ARSFFPT (your abbreviated title : ) ),

I hope all is going well and that you're as pumped as us for playoffs! I'm writing you because I'd like to introduce our website to you and I was wondering if you'd be up for an affiliate program. We are a young company/website and it can be found at:


I'd like to ask you if you'd be interested in our affiliate program, where you collect 10% commission from sales off our site, which would be generated from your site, all just from posting a small ad on your site. The bigger the ad, the more frequent the ad is shown or the greater quantity of ads, the more earnings for you.


So disappointing. This e-mail may as well have said, "I've never, ever read your blog, will you shill for us?" You know, I think I'd rather get a plain old form letter addressed to "Hey You" than one that fills in my name at the top, but is still the same old letter that fully gives away the fact that they don't know me at all. If they did, they'd send an e-mail that says, "Hi, I know you don't do ads. You've made that VERY clear, so I won't even ask you about that, but would you like to just do a link exchange?" Instead, it's, "Okay, Steve, your job is to send this form letter to every Red Sox site you can find an address for--oh, and do that Steve-patented 'personalizing' in the opening line so they think we actually read their shit, which, Steve, say it with me, WE DEFINITELY DON'T. You'll get fed when I get paid, now get back in the dungeon."

In fairness, in their e-mail, they did offer the link exchange only. But, again, if they really had glanced at my blog for more than a second, they would've just cut out the part about ads, or at least acknowledged my crystal clear stance on them. Am I worried that maybe they'll be offended because they went through "all that trouble" to abbreviate my blog title and put a little happy face? No, because they've never read my blog before, what are the odds they start reading now?

They're idiots...who knows! Go Daisuke...REMEMBER how to pitch!
Maybe your "Click Here 4 My Opinion On Ads" and "Ad Free Blog" Banner needs to be neon flashing?

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Location: Rhode Island, United States