Thursday, August 30, 2007

Hot Toilet Dongs

Last night, my girlfriend and I were in the car listening to the game, when Geffner said to Castiglione, "I hate to break this to you, but Paul McCartney [in the crowd] is not rooting for the Red Sox." My girlfriend says, "Paul McCartney!? He probably doesn't know anything about baseball!" I respond, "that's a Yankee fan."

A note on camera-work: How is it that professional camera people still fall for the "high fly ball" trick? On Damon's bullshit homer in game one, the NESN camera followed the ball, instead of showing the fielder. Oh, that's really high, that must mean it's deep, so I'll follow it as it sails into the night.... Wrong! Wrong! They were lucky to barely catch the end of the ball's flight as it dunked into the walkway in front of the front row, having left the camera aimed toward the upper deck. I really would've liked to see the fielder going into the corner and almost having a play on the ball. I went to the Yankees' site to see the home team coverage of the play. While they kind of fell for it, too, they at least aimed the camera down toward field level earlier than NESN did. (They did follow the original angle with several others, some of which totally did the "follow just the ball to make a bloop dong look majestic" thing.)

A note on heat: Are we really allowing "hot" to make a resurgence? Terrible job. I'll never forget getting to New York in '05, and quickly realizing that everything was "hot," apparently thanks to Paris Hilton, who apparently said the word all the time--even though I didn't know who was hearing her talk, let alone how they'd go about finding a way to hear her talk, let alone having any desire to imitate any of her sayings. Now, since everyone hates Paris Hilton, I thought "hot" was dead, having already completed the American ad campaign circuit. However, now songs are coming out with "hot" in the title, leading to more "heat": Some deodorant commercial says you should use their crap "because you're hot," even using that phrase as their url. Terrible job by everyone as usual. "Hot": It ain't cool.

After I'd thought about that, but before I came to the computer to write it out, I flipped on my TV to hear, at that moment, Mr. Rogers say, "That looks very hot, Mr. McFeely." "Oh, it is very hot," said McFeely. Turns out they were talking about the pulp that becomes construction paper. But I did laugh my ass off. This is a good segue to that thing about the senator and the toilet sex:

Okay, first of all, we need no more re-creations of this event. Granted, Olbermann's was funny, but when the local "thinks he's a comedian" news guy does it, no one's benefiting.

Second of all, terrible job by this guy. It's he and his fellow righties that push these family values on everyone, keeping gay people in the closet, leading them to have to have their sex in secret. The irony being that this dude himself has to go to the public restroom to get his. How easy it would be for him to come out and say, It's okay to be gay, like I am, and therefore we're going to allow simple things that hurt no one, like gay marriage, to be legal.

Third of all, I think some dude next to me in a stall once tried to get me to do whatever it is these bathroom-sex people do! I was in Chicago, on tour with my band, in June 2001. We were at the public library. I'm in the bathroom, and I notice a pair of sunglasses below the divider. I'm thinkin', Hmmm, that's odd. Then, I see the guy's hand reach under and grab the bottom of the divider. I remember just staring at it, and then realizing that the sunglasses were being used as a mirror. And in a place where pants are on the floor, I thought, This guy's trying to rob me! So I kept an eye on the hand, and my wallet, and he decided to high-tail it out of there. I remembered what his shoes looked like, and when I left the bathroom, I told my bandmates and we half-heartedly looked for him, but he got away. But now I'm wondering if he was somehow trying to get me to have sex with him or something, now that I know there's this entire culture with hand-signals and stuff.

Okay, so, baseball today, at 1:05. I want a second shot at that Joba the Slut.

Ted Haggard

Mark Foley

Now, Larry Craig

Are there no straight Republicans ANYWHERE anymore?

And how much self-loathing do you have to have to wear such a mask of intolerance all your life? If they weren't such overbearing assholes, I'd feel very, very sorry for them.
I know it's fun to repeat what that Urkel lookalike/soundalike on NECN says, but can we finally stop with the 'it's over, Yanks are done' stuff? You know, like while we still have a division lead? I saw this sweep coming a mile away. Fucking pathetic display today.
I thought we pitched well this series. But they pitched better.

We're still way up.

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Location: Rhode Island, United States