Friday, July 06, 2007

Keeping Things In Perspective

You know how when it's late in the game, and it's all tense, you have to stand up? Well, there are certain places in our living room where you just shouldn't stand. The above diagram gives a sense of where the luck lies in the room. Too bad that really perfect spot is un-stand-in-able now. The "moat" is the area that's just a little too close to the bad luck area. That area below is okay if you can fit there, and lean your head left around the bad zone, but I wouldn't chance it. At bottom right, as you can see, is another great vantage point, but the black haze of the terrible zone is right between your eyes and the TV. Terrible. So there's pretty much the one area, although being in the chair or on the couch is fine. But I need to stand in certain situations.

Then there's the whole "one strike away" stand and clap. I'm okay standing right by the couch (out of frame, below pic) for this if the game isn't exciting. Oh, during all of this, my girlfriend is either just on the couch, or has left the room because she can't stand the pressure, or has gone to bed since these games go pretty late for people who aren't night-owls like me. But, yeah, I enforce a "both feet on floor" rule when we're one strike away. If my girlfriend won't stand, I'll "connect" her legs to the floor by touching one of them with my legs (I need my hands to clap.) At my parents' house, my dad not only stands, but, since they live near the beach, implores all the creatures of the sea to stand, or, if they don't have legs, to position themselves in a vertical position, as such:

Oh, and just so you know, I've been like this my whole life. This isn't like, I just started following the Red Sox in '03 and I get all fake-nervous about games. I actually feel this stuff inside me, like you might feel Jesus or whoever inside you. I think this is where the term "live and die with a team" comes from.

But I don't believe in curses, or anything else that came from someone else's brain instead of mine. And to answer your question: Over the foul line with my left foot going onto the field, on the line with my right going off. (Also applies to stepping on and off sidewalks.)

That is funny. I like the diagram.

I do stuff like that too, there are definitely times where sitting or standing or required occasional writhing in agony on the floor can occur as well. ha.
The funny thing is that my two-year-old is starting to mimic me...during the Pats-Colts game last January, I fired a hat at the tv and yelled something, and she went right over, picked up the hat and threw it on the floor again, yelling something unintelligible as well. So maybe that's not such a good thing (if you're my wife, which you're not, so laugh if you want).

As for the Red Sox stuff, I haven't really done anything superstitious since placing a cowboy hat and a Sox shirt on the couch so it looked like there was a dude sitting on my couch to watch Game 7 ALCS while I was at a bar watching the game. I even opened a beer for him and left it on the table. When we lost, I threw the hat and shirt down the garbage chute and drank the warm beer. I really didn't feel like wasting the beer, and damn, that fucking cowboy didn't do his part...
Diagram's great:

So are the Shark Drawings;

Text A6 to 40420(LOL) to remind A-Rod to leave his wife, mistress & SELF away from The All Star Game;

#800 is now posted. It's a # larger than what Barry Bonds has.
I had positioned my old cat, Greta, on the couch for all games leading up to the "big show" in '04. I had strewn a white blanket my grandmother knit over her in the exact same way each time. She barely flinched through all of the games.
Glad so many people could relate to this one..... Thanks.
Just read here for the first time, I think, but I'm going to have to go ahead and agree with all of the above and say that, (a), the diagrams are genius, and, (b), a lot of people could relate to this -- perhaps a kid's book about being a crazy baseball fan, I don't know.
Thanks, SoS! I really appreciate it. That is a good idea, about the kids' book....

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Location: Rhode Island, United States