Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Tracking Devices

The Sox will be wearing these crazy new pedometers this year. You know, it's not just steps that count, it's the quality of the steps. Did you know Dustin Pedroia's value Over Replacement Steps is 4.5 repeating? And David Ortiz had 45 Calorie Shares last season? Those old pedometers are bullshit, I tell you. 'Number of steps' alone? Come on.

You've probably heard Nirvana's "Breed" (formerly "Immodium") in the new MLB video game commercials. Instead of giving you the usual "oh my god that blows my mind," well, I think I've reached the point now where the surprise is gone. The Buzzcocks are in every other commercial anyway. Henry Rollins is the narrator for any ad that needs a narrator. I've heard "Blister in the Sun" about twenty times in the last week. Devo is in a beer commercial. It's time for me to realize that all the ad agency people all know all the bands that were once unknown, and they're gonna choose those bands' songs sometimes. And now it's at the point where they've made it up to 1991--the point when I realized there was more to music than Skid Row.

So, unless I see Ian MacKaye pictured lounging around at a barbecue in one of those "Carlton is Lowest" print ads, I'm just never gonna be shocked by this stuff again.

But Jere, Nirvana was totally mainstream at that point. Everybody knows "Breed" and bla bla bla. Not the point. The point is, I never thought I'd hear Nirvana in a commercial, let alone a song that wasn't even a single, and in an ad for a baseball game, too. I just mean that with all the old groups being in ads, we've realized nothing is sacred. But now they've reached the "new" bands, so it's really official now. Now I've confused myself. Just forget I said anything. You're right.
How about TMBG doing those Dunkin Donuts commercials? That certainly altered my sense of order in the universe.
Yeah, I've brought that up here a few times. That's another one that's crazy. I think they've done, like, 8 different songs for them now. But I guess that's about an hour's work for those guys.
I always thought it was funny that Sesame Street welcomed They Might Be Giants with open arms but gave the big N-O to The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Evidently, there were a lot of hurt feelings over that.
It was probably when the Chili Peppers told the producers of their idea to make Oscar come out of his garbage can wearing only a sock that they got denied.

And also, going back to that other thing, TMBG did that Malcolm in the Middle theme, so it's not like they were unknowns when they got the DD gig. Plus they'd been around for like 20 years. But that doesn't make it less weird to hear them multiple times a day during sporting events on commercials.
I thought it was pretty bizarre that they used a Buzzcocks song in an AARP commercial. Because Buzzcocks has the word "cocks" in it and if some oldie ever asked 'who sings that delightful song', they might have a stroke when someone told them.
But then I thought about my parents who are technically senior citizens and I realized that the elderly of today are not necessarily pushing walkers around and eating sundaes at McDonald's. They are people who may play the electric guitar or be vegetarians or know how to use the internet. I know these are corny examples but you get the idea.
I think that's what these "old people" companies are going for. And it's true, oldies are younger nowadays. But there's still that line--between them and the classic grandpa/grandma types. (These are the people surrounding me at my job.) Once that generation leaves this Earth, the stereotype of the "granny" maybe gone forever.

You know, I was just thinking, when I have kids, I'd just assume the other parents would be like "parents" I've always known--but in reality, there actually might be some other vegetarians (good example) or progressives or people who know who other members of Black Sabbath besides Ozzy.

What a crazy, crazy world we live in. One day you're livin' on bread and water, the next day--NOTHIN!

Or, one day you're the janitor, the next day you're the CEO, and back, and forth, and so on and so on. remember that skit--Carvey, Myers, Hartman. "You stupid janitor!"

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Location: Rhode Island, United States