Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Once A Bride

Walking home from work I heard a shriek from a parked car, coinciding with one of Earth's worst sounds--that of John Sterling's voice calling a Yankee home run. The scream actually frightened me, but my brain quickly realized it was only baseball-related. Immediately following that came the louder voice of the other person in the car, saying "I hate the fuckin' Yankees!"

I knew then the game must've just been won by the Yanks, and I was unlucky enough to have passed that car right at the climactic moment. As I walked into my apartment, I imagined who might have hit the probable walk-off homer. Funny, A-Rod never entered my mind. I got inside and turned on the TV to hear his name mentioned right away. Then I saw an image that I'll be thinking of on August 19th when I'm at Fenway and A-Rod is a few feet away from me before the game. He hit the game-winning homer, but that wasn't good enough for him. Dickwad, and you'll see this on the news, tosses his helmet up in the air before he crosses home. Unacceptable. I can't wait til that fucking douchebag comes to Fenway again. I want to see him choke in person and walk off the field crying. That guy is the worst human being there is. A perfect fit for the most despicable franchise in history.

I don't know if his toss was a sign of relief or mocking Ortiz (granted, they're friends off the field, but this is on-field action) or just his doing it because it's becoming the trend. But nothing justifies it.

First of all, if the MVP acts like he finally won the World Series because he won a game in June, you know he's in trouble, as is his shitty team.

Second of all, if he thinks he's in any position to mock us or our player, the guy who wins games with his hands behind his back, he's sorely mistaken, and he's gonna pay for it. That's probably what he was doing, imitating the Red Sox, since that is the new Yankee way. They have to imitate us. I mean, they want to be winners, right?

Finally, if he's doing it because it's just what you do now, well, A-Rod, here's a tip: It's not "wheee, me tossy hat in air!" Only the frilliest of brides uses two hands to toss the bouquet. Hey, maybe he's just showing us how the bridesmaid would do it. Can that guy make a bigger ass of himself?

The good news is, he's satisfied. He came through in the clutch, so now he figures he can hide for at least a month. Look for the boos to start up again soon.

A total "That Girl" move.

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Location: Rhode Island, United States