Stupid National League-style baseball. You can't take the bat out of Nixon's hands in that situation. At least I got to see the play, unlike some others that were missed while Comcast Sports Net was showing close-ups of faces in the crowd. Terrible job.

Two awful losses tonight. Both 4-1, went to 4-3, and ended that way.

Now I'm watching Boston Sports Tonight, on Fox Sports New York on Manhattan's Time Warner cable. Yes, it's true. It's actually just called Sports Tonight. But the feed comes from FSN New England. There's no doubt which teams they're covering. This is one show you'll never hear me complain about. I don't care if the hosts are bad, the commercials are annoying, whatever. Just knowing I get to see it in New York City and that a New York station gave the big F You to Steinbrenner is enough for me. I just watched an interview with Coco and Kapler. Sweet.

Okay, now to the important stuff. Sick of "terrible job"? Looking for that next big thing? No need to ask you cousin from California, I've got it for you right here. It comes with a story, of course:

The year is, I don't know, 1998-ish. My friends and I are sitting around at my parents' house. Yeah, I was still living at home when I was 23, but so were all of them, and some still are. All right, that doesn't make it better. Anyway, at halftime of whatever bowl game we were watching, my friend Jim says, "Hey, Smitty, you got any Simpsons episodes on tape?" "Uh, yeah, I have a lot." But I wasn't too keen on watching an entire random Simpsons episode at halftime, especially since it's on so often in syndication anyway. So I kind of talked him out of the idea. In the meantime, as Americans usually do, we ended up just talking about The Simpsons. He was telling us of an underrated line he liked. It was from an episode in which someone on the show is watching Married With Children. On the Groehning-drawn version, Peggy says, "Al, let's have sex." The "studio audience" "woo"s it up, like they so often did on the actual show. Al responds, "Eh, no Peg," to the delight of the crowd. He then turns to his left and flushes a toilet sitting next to the couch, sending the audience over the edge. In other words, the Simpsons writers were mocking the bawdy- and toilet-humor of it's station's other big show.

We laughed mildly, since none of us remembered this scene, and, well, he probably described it about as badly as I just did.

Later that day, or maybe even later that halftime, we're switching around (Whoever it was, it wasn't Chan. I remember Jim once seeing Chan with the remote and saying, "Someone make that remote leave Chan's hands right now," dead serious-like.) and, of course, we come across a Simpsons episode. After a few seconds, Jim yells out, "I think this is the episode! This is 'no Peg'!"

The rest of us were suddenly riveted. Imagine having something hyped up and then seeing that thing appear before you within minutes!

It was the "Homer in space" episode. We got to see the line. Much laughter ensued. Jim laughed along, the proud poppa of a line he spawned. He knew we were hooked. Had that episode not aired that day, it may have been forgotten.

When do you use the line? Any time a "no" answer is called for. Duh. But it works especially well when no really means no.

Chan: You thinkin' about becoming a yankee fan?

Me: Eh, NO Peg.

I said this line for years. My friend Jim has been saying it for nearly ten. We would appreciate your help in making it go nationwide. My goal in life is for that line to come back to me. Even if I just overhear it somewhere, my life will be complete. Well, more complete. Er. Ish. Am I making sense?

Eh...

NO Peg.