Friday, February 10, 2006

Ad Infinitum

Thanks for your interest in chipping in cash to put a "You're not welcome, Johnny" ad in a New York newspaper. Earlier tonight, I was getting really excited about this; I could start a new site, and offer people a chance to get their name on the ad for a donation. I figured I could put our message to Johnny, and then squeeze a few hundred names at the bottom. I even thought of having a multiple-tiered donation system. Then I found out a full page ad costs tens of thousands of dollars. When Chan, who I'd put in charge of finding pricing info, chimed in with "How about giving some money to the homeless," I decided the plan wasn't happening. If I'm going to raise tens of thousands of dollars, it really should go to a legitimately worthy cause. We'll get to tell Johnny what we think of his pinstriped "thank you" plenty this summer. And if I'm lucky, in my own neighborhood, as I hear he might be living close to me. Hey, I did see eight percent of Dunbar's 25-man roster last year--at Coldstone's alone. So, I'm looking at it this way: Damon is making all these extra respect-units, I mean, uh, dirty Steinbrenner dollars, and instead of maybe donating some to charity, the first thing he does, well, I'm sure it's not the first, is to spend fifty grand on an attempt to get us to like him, months after he purposely switched to the team he knows we all hate. "Sorry I did the worst possible thing you can imagine, but, hey, thanks to the generosity of George Steinbrenner, I have enough extra cash to, uh, thank you? PleaselovemesignedyourpalJohnny." Terrible job, Johnny.

So someone else will probably start a site to take out a rebuttal ad. Oh no, they'll get interviewed on CN8 instead of me!

Maybe one of you people who knows about payrolls and dese such teengs can help me. Johnny thinks Dunbar respects him more because they offered more money. But what percentage of what they seriously could have afforded did they pay him? What I'm saying is, the Sox obviously went as far as they could with the money they offered. But Dunbar could have dipped into his pockets even more if he wanted to. So I feel like the Sox offered Johnny 100% of what they could afford, while Dunbar offered maybe 85. So in "respect percentage," we really outdid them. But I'm sure Johnny's agent didn't mention that.

Speaking of stats and stuff: Every once in a while, someone will ask me, "Jere, are you a seamhead or a stathead?" At that point what I'll usually do is reach over their back and pull their shirt up and over their head. Then I'll hoist them up over my shoulder, take a hold of their feet and dangle them upside down, telling them "Don't ever use those ridiculous words in my presence again," and making them agree to it before I set them free.

Please note: In the above rendering of the Dunbar logo, I have used the "s" only because it fits the logo better. Normally, I prefer the singular "Dunbar" or "Mr. Dunbar" to describe our friends from the Bronx.

Also note: I wrote this last night, but couldn't post til this morning due to blogger being down. So this was not influenced by this morning's comments on my previous post. But, anonymous Dunbar fans, I'll be sure to change my thoughts and opinions to suit your needs. I wouldn't want to waste any more of your time writing about topics you don't want to hear about. Let me know if you can come up with a new name for this blog, one that works better for you. Thanks!

And, in Ed Romero news, from "Eddie Romero Jr., the son of former Red Sox infielder Eddie Romero, has been named Assistant, Professional Scouting."

Mom, here.
Jere, make your own thanks-for-nothing-Johnny ad, print fliers and post them on all the telephone poles and I'll bet a NY newspaper will print it.
Good luck.
I have never heard the term 'seamhead' before. Now that I have, I tremble in fear.
Either it will be picked up by the newspapers or you'll be picked up for grand littering.
"And if I'm lucky, in my own neighborhood, as I hear he might be living close to me."

Well Jere, if it makes you feel any better (probably not), Damon decided not to live at 78th and 3rd after all:

I really would have worn a Coco Crisp shirt around there...
Johnny comes to NY, The Babe Capital Of The World. Maybe, he'll do a Derek Lowe, if you know what I mean.

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Location: Rhode Island, United States