I was looking at my post from January 1st of '05, to see what the first word I wrote this year was. When I read that post, though, I started thinking about other, slightly deeper things.

I had been talking, one year ago, about how I feel bad for people who don't get enough to eat, while I sit complaining about my job and spending money on junk.

It seems like whenever Gumby's around, he and Chan and I get to talking about these things. (Gumby is off flying huge planes really fast, but comes back to the east coast at holiday time.) So, this holiday season, we were continuing that neverending discussion long into what were then jobless nights for me. I was tryng to figure out, you know, the meaning of life, stuff like that. Things like: I got offered 600 bucks a month to put an ad for a ticket-selling agency on my website. Why should I be so adamant about not advertising for others, when, if I had a job, I'd be doing the same thing for my employer, essentially. And besides, who am I protecting by keeping a very tiny amount of people away from these ticket places? The teams themselves, who mark them up in the first place and then charge you 4 bucks for a bottle of water, which isn't much purer than what might be falling from the sky, and which you should immediately sending to people who'd give a thousand dollars for a bottle of water. You know, if they had any money, like the 600 bucks I could have if I put a couple of words on an electronic screen.

And if I work for myself, and sell stuff, well, at least I wouldn't be doing it for anyone else, but it still seems rather selfish.

The point is, as Gumby said, Can you sleep at night? I could anyway, so that wasn't a problem. Except when the shithead above me plays his shitty keyboard all night. Now that's a selfish guy.

It was more like, "I can be awake at day."

Long story a little tiny bit shorter, I got a job, and it's one where I help people. So, I think that may have been the key for me. To have the thing I "have to do," i.e. the thing that brings home the Soy Bacon, be something that helps people. So I know I'm doing that every day, and I don't need to feel guilty about placing bids for the 1983 Boston Herald Red Sox collectible stamp set.

Happy New Year, everybody. yankee fans, too.

Oh, and my first word of the year was "Chan's." And as you can see, it's also the last. I wonder what word will be Chan's.