Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Scatterbrain Munching

Freakin' Ted Lilly, man. If I ever see that guy I'm gonna strangle him and whatnot.

Speaking of guys who Steinbrenner pays, Luis Matos is in on the take. Watch him tomorrow night. And to prove I'm not crazy, the pitcher who was on the mound when Matos "forgot" to try on a bloop to center got pissed at him and was making motions out at him that said "How much is George paying you?" This was an inning after he got thrown out stealing by ten feet. Failed hit-and-run, my ass.

All that aside, terrible job all around tonight.

But if we win and they lose tomorrow, it'll be tied and we'll have the momentum going into the final three against those pig-porking, Oriole-bribing, shit-eating, steroid-taking (but praised and not penalized for it), Katrina-causing, baby duck-mangling, fake-ass, boring, butt-fugly, lactose-intolerant ball-less scrotums.

I was on the subway today, and a guy near me had a newspaper open. I saw a full-page ad saying "Another record broken," in front of a picture of yankee Stadium. Then it said "congratulations" to the yanks for breaking the all-time A.L. attendance mark. I figured it was from some corporation or something. Then I noticed that it was from MLB themselves! Complete with Bud's signature! They're probably so proud of themselves for limiting suspensions against yankee players, causing more fans to come out to yankee Stadium.

Earlier, I was on the Metro-North train, and I saw something that topped the parachuters I saw coming out of a chopper as I drove through Rhode Island before that. My train was pulling into a station. The track closest to the platform wasn't being used, so they had ramps leading from the platform, going over the unused track, to the spot where the train doors stop as the train reaches the station. A working-man-type came rapidly walking along the platform toward the train and Boom, Down Goes Roberto Duran. The dude dumped it right over the side, landing on the tracks five feet below. It had to hurt. Then he had to struggle to get back up, and was all embarrassed. The weird thing is that no one seemed to notice. I guess he was so used to the train pulling right up to the platform that he never thought there'd be a huge gap between him and the train to suddenly fall into.

Jeff Garland just did my routine! On the Daily Show, just now. I have this comedy routine I do about how pissed it makes me when they call little tiny candy bars "Fun Size." Garland just did it. I'm proud that at least it was someone I like who did it. And I liked him before Curb. When he used to be a stand-up and do an Adam West impression.

Also, they just showedthis page, from the FEMA site, showing how they're plan to fix everything leads, ironically, right back to disaster.

And now, (all right, after I get those promised pics up) I will watch my new DVD, Over The Edge. I had no idea they were releasing it on DVD, but there it was, in Newbury Comics this weekend. I'm psyched, since it's one of my all-time faves, but the cover art is ridiculous. They mustn't have had much of a budget for this thing. And the star of the movie isn't on the cover. They make it seem like a Matt Dillon movie. Dillon was in it--he was fourteen and in his first role--but this other kid was the focus of the movie. And they shut him out of the cover. They put Dillon, the love interest, the enemy, and the authority-figure on there, but leave out the star just because he was a nobody. Terrible job.

Speaking of Boston, that is one beautiful city. I was talking about this with Reb's "man" the one time I met him. It seems like it didn't used to be, but now is. And it seems to have grown. I used to think the skyline was the Pru and the Cock, but now I see it extends way over. Seeing it lit up at night is just incredible. I guess I'm always leaving it at night, and I always used to take Storrow Drive in, which doesn't give a city view. But lately I've been taking different routes, and going through and under the city at night. I even saw that purply bridge. Anyway, good job, Boston.

If you read this whole post, you get a special prize.

what kind of prize? cn you give me gary sheffield's head please? no? how about his right kneecap? um, Michael Kay's vocal cords? Oh, they're insured so it won't make a fuckin difference, will it? I got it, Robi Cano's nutsack. No, I know his actual nuts are missing... the sack is fine. As long as it causes him some discomfort. But how 'bout throwin' in some Small earlobe? I could probably communicate with plant-life on other solar systems with those things.

oh, and what are you tryin' to say about my man with those quotation marks? ;-)
Is there a prize for skimming? No, I read you and your wonderful conspiracy theories regarding those winning Yankees. We just have to win 4. There are no two ways about it. Annoyo was missing, location wise, and every time it resulted in a homer. Tek sets up outside, and the pitch sails in to the inner half of the plate. Then the centerfield camera captures a one-shot of a turned around Bronson with a SMIRK ON HIS FACE. Not once, but twice. What a ninny! No time is the right time to F up, Bronson.
We are where we are, tied with Cleveland.4 must games. Sayonara.

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Location: Rhode Island, United States